


Did You Hear Somewhere?...

by Kokolikescake, stifledlaughter



Category: Deep Dish Nine - Fandom, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Deep Dish Nine, Gen, Humor, M/M, Romance, and many more minor characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-03-23 02:30:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 50,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3751012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokolikescake/pseuds/Kokolikescake, https://archiveofourown.org/users/stifledlaughter/pseuds/stifledlaughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If there is something that Julian really likes about his job, it’s the familiar atmosphere. Naturally, the pizza smell gets annoying, Worf has a terrible taste in music, Kira has an aggression problem (clearly!) and the guys from Dominion Pizza are slowly getting on his nerves as well… luckily there’s also the extremely interesting breaks with his newly acquired Cardassian friend.<br/>A story about the development between Garak and Julian in the alternate universe of Deep Dish Nine!<br/>(A translation of Kokolikescake's work from the original German.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kokolikescake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokolikescake/gifts).
  * A translation of [Deep Dish Nine-schon mal irgendwo gehört...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025903) by [Kokolikescake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokolikescake/pseuds/Kokolikescake). 



> Hello all! This is your translator speaking. I read Kokolikescake's fabulous work in German and decided to put my German degree to good use and translate it so that the rest of you could read it! It's quite long and I am translating as much as I can but there may be pauses in between uploads given life events/work/etc. If you see [Translator's Note:] whatever is in the brackets is pure me. The rest is Kokolikescake's great work :) Also bear with me on the quotation marks, my Word kept changing them back and forth between German and English. It's fixed for the later chapters but I missed a few here.

It’s already something odd, to make a series that’s twenty years old a subject of discussion again. But I thought to myself : if it’s good, then why not?

After all, it is DS9 and one of my favorite series overall!

The characters have enough depth and I am still excited about the TV show!

What moved me to make this long fanfiction (currently 18 chapters, aughhhh) was naturally in the first line of the wonderful original series, but moreover now there’s also fresh air through ladyyatexel’s idea (thank you so much for this great idea : D ) to shape an alternate universe of Deep Space Nine.

The development of this AU can be found on tumblr.

<http://deep-dish-nine.tumblr.com/>

Everyone can bring ideas to the table and there are already lots of stories about DD9, therefore I wanted to bring something in that was longer and also in the German-speaking realm.

The story follows these ideas of this alternate universe:

So that you can enjoy the story to its fullest extent, you should know the original series as well as the framework of the AU.

I can also imagine that you can read the story without DS9 knowledge just fine, it is rather just mostly a bunch of fluffy romance…

A few things beforehand in order to get a quick overview of the AU:

  *     Everyone is a human! The individual races are now various ethnic groups – with that comes the typical, characterizing traits.  
  *     Yes, it’s about a pizzeria! Wohooo! Deep Space Nine has been turned into pizza restaurant Deep Dish Nine.



(There are detail changes - like for example the fact that the Defiant is now a tuned delivery vehicle is taken from the Internet site.)

  *     Bashir isn’t done with his studies yet.
  *     Ezri and Jadzia are sisters and exist at the same time.
  *     How the individual quadrants are translated into this universe differs – some fanfiction authors wrote them as cities, others as countries, and I use them as city neighborhoods.



And here we come to a further important point: These ideas are to each their own to use as they want! I switched a few little points around from the general rules (for example, Garak doesn’t live with everyone else in the same apartment building), other things I’ve taken from fanfiction authors as canon (for example, Garak has a motorcycle and Julian likes taking photos with his cell phone.)

Since I am focusing on the relationship between Julian and Garak in my fanfiction, the other characters are staying fairly „one-dimensional”. That makes it easier for me when writing to use their typical traits and accordingly have them react as such in situations. Therefore don’t expect any serious depth with the other characters from DD9 (other fanfictions, some of which, for example, only deal with Kira and Odo in this AU, develop the characters further.)

Further I’d like to thank my wonderful beta-reader CHERON! He had an outstanding vocabulary, fought through my now-and-again long sentences and still didn’t get tired of reading. Thank you very, very much! (I know, I promised you cookies :D )

I hope that he accompanies me also through the later chapters!

~~~~Also I would like to thank ladyyatexel and all the nice people (that I never met~_~ ) for keeping this AU alive! ~~~~~

And thank YOU, who gave this AU a chance and hopefully will read it.

**********************************************

Chapter 1

The lock of the cash register clacked and the young woman looked once more left and right before she sets her sportsbag down in front of the small safe under the worktop in the back area of the kitchen. An aimed kick brought the bag to the correct position so as to not make the safe obvious.

She righted herself, pulled on her polo shirt- this red was really awful – and picked up her name badge, on which in friendly letters “Kira” was written.

A glance at the clock revealed to her that she had another good fifteen minutes before the daily insanity began into this pizzeria on the border of the Alpha Neighborhood of the city.

However… it seemed the insanity had already begun!

She’d had two days off, thank the Prophets, a Bajorian festival had given her this particular break; however, during those two days her co-workers had started to turn the shop into a… a…

_I can’t even describe this crap!_

She regarded the heaps of wildly stacked boxes, mixed in with IMPORTANT payment receipts – what were they doing next to the plain boxes?! _Oh Jadzia…_ it loomed before her.

_Why do I have to do this?_

A moment of incomprehension followed a further moment of annoyance. The cash register coffer under her arm – _one deep breath, Nerys_ – she headed towards the front area.

DD9 was a small, actually well-run pizzeria. Cozily furnished at the moment. A while ago this area was occupied by the Cardassians; the shop had been taken in in a desolate state, but thanks to Mr. Sisko’s strict but heartfelt leadership, slowly it had begun to run. Okay, things were often broken, the chairs and booths were sometimes very uncomfortable (depending on where you were at) but there were positives.

Small ones - but they were there.

The clientele (when they weren’t already too drunk from Quarks across the way) handled themselves pretty decently.

But of course there were exceptions, like grumpy Klingons, who had a weakness for the abnormal gagh pizzas. The worst, however, was Dukat.

Kira gritted her teeth together; thoughts about this madman made her furious. _Okay, you are already pissed off, don’t make it harder for yourself! But can’t this jerk go annoy the people from the Dominion?_

Yes, one reason for DD9 to fight for every customer was these slimy Dominion guys…

Kira clenched the coffer with a firm grip.

Maybe it was a little paranoid of her, but before she took the money to the register, she took a quick tour of the front room, like – _no one under the table?_ _No trash? No… ah, already another receipt  – what was Jadzia doing with that? Did she use them like damned confetti? And why couldn’t Julian clean anything right?! WHAT EXACTLY did those two not understand?!_

Already blowing out air with irritation, she corrected the poor work of her co-workers and prepared the cash register. She wouldn’t touch the oven – only recently had Mr. Sisko expressed to her that the thing was clearly broken every other day or so. But she couldn’t take on O’Brien’s work herself. _I am possibly the only person who isn’t turning this place into a trash dump or psycho-dating bar._

A last once-over of the clock. She straightened her work uniform. In the back area someone came in- based on the pace and the heavy footsteps, she was sure that it was Worf.

“Hey,” she greeted him from the cash register.

“Hey,” he responded from the back area.

A pleasant greeting for Kira, at least for her nerves – _I believed today would be especially stressful for me, given the bad beginning with the pizza-box pile_ \- as long as Worf didn’t sing or pick the music, or that she wouldn’t have to deliver pizzas with him, she got along with him shockingly well. Their similar preference for few words (in that respect, the most important preference), work, and _… I’ll just leave it at that_ … that seemed enough, and made him probably already more competent than some here in this part of the city. “Oh, do you know what happened with these boxes here?”

Kira still had five minutes left, and before she lost the want to discuss the state of the work area, she brought herself to get it over with. Like before it was lucky it was Worf: few words, quiet, and so on.

Kira threw the crooked stack of cardboard a skeptical look.

_Will they fall, if I stare at them long enough?_

Worf stepped around the “tower” and turned over a box with the DD9 Pizza logo.

“No idea, I cannot really remember anything about if it was already like this when I left.”

_The few sane people shouldn’t even be gone in the first place, dammit!_

“Ugh, I’m gone for two days and already no one’s cleaning? There’s just complete silence from the people who made this!”

“I will ask, sometime, about the person who should have cleaned this up.”

“Yeah, do that.”

“Mhm.”

_Ahh… whatever._

And that would surely be the most pleasant dialogue this evening.

_Should I talk to him about the receipts?_

_No, again with your nerves, Nerys!_

The front door opened with a not-gentle pop.

The DD9 tower of boxes… did it fall? Kira looked quickly at the boxes, and then through the passage to the back area, but before she could even see the person, she knew who it was.

“Oh god, three minutes, I’m not too late!”

“Damn it, Julian, you take the back door when we haven’t opened yet, is that clear?”

„Thought I was too late, sorry Nerys!”

Hasty footsteps followed in the back area, the door slammed shut, and a key clattered to the ground. “Shit!”

Julian already seemed overburdened by just entering the restaurant. Kira crossed her arms over her chest, put her head back in exasperation and waited until the young man in the back area had fought his way through.

“Hey you two,” he said quickly, a harried smile on his lips.

Worf nodded at him. Silence. Nice but also…

“Julian, what’s this supposed to be?”

She motioned over her shoulder obvious, unorderly heap of cardboard combined with receipts and – oh- was that one of his pamphlets from the university stuck in there?

“That was Ezri, yeah, actually… I lost a bet and we had.. just for fun we… you don’t actually care about the explanation, do you?”

“Absolutely not! How can it be that you’re being paid to stack boxes? And then this here!”

Kira reached into the paper pile and gripped the important receipts in her hand.

“That… that wasn’t us… Jadzia had – uh, well, you don’t care about that either, right?” His voice was soft, scared, and an underlying “help me” to Worf remained unheard.

“I’d say so,” said Kira, grabbing Julian by the collar and pulled him up towards her.

“I want this crap here cleaned up in twenty minutes, got it? It doesn’t matter if you’re alone or not. We’re not going to play with boxes anymore here, clear? We don’t play at all! And you’ll collect the receipts and put them in front of me at the register. Julian, if you ever do this again, then I will give you an idea of what you can do with your boxes…”

Her stare was so threatening, if she had ended the sentence, Julian couldn’t really say, he was paralyzed and his head was flooded with panicked thoughts, there was no more room left to have any more. He was quite sure she was overreacting, but to say, or even imply it – he would never, EVER do  that.

„Understood.”

Nerys sighed heavily and released the young man.

“I’m opening up the shop now, so buck up!”

It wasn’t unusual that Jadzia and Ezri showed up a good five minutes later, but Kira simply didn’t want to say anything more about the matter. _Maybe I reacted too strongly with Julian… should I... apologize?_

A little shudder went through her at this thought – she was right! A glance in the back area, a confused-looking Julian and two unsettled Trill confirmed the matter, she was right but only Julian had gotten the full brunt of it. She was onto something with him though, that little…

“Nerys, ah, I have to apologize…” Jadzia rested her hand from behind on Kira’s left shoulder and looked softly at her.

She would be really right now the only person in this shop, no, the only person on the entire planet, that could read Kira as pleased.

“After closing the shop Julian and I had to settle our bets. And yes, it was wrong, no question.” Jadzia’s hand lingered still on Kira’s shoulder, around which she circled Kira.

“I thought that we don’t do bets here?”

“Yeah, with money, therefore-”

“Therefore you had our doctor stack boxes?”

“We had to get creative,” which was followed by a soft smile.

“I’m not here for two days and then…”

“And luckily you’re here again,” Jadzia finished the sentence for her.

The two smiled – Jadzia was crazy, sure, but also charming and able to save herself, definitely better than Julian.

“Besides, you should’ve seen how Julian tried to build a pyramid with direction from Ezri.”

“Ah, so that’s what this crazy pile of boxes was supposed to be?”

An easy smile appeared on Kira’s lips.

“Maybe I don’t have anything against it then, when you all try it again.”

“A secret video shot on Worf’s phone can give you a little taste of the spectacle, Nerys.”

Kira lightly shook her head laughingly. “Looking at it after the fact is fine, but if it were before…”

She walked around the little cardboard-stack, which rested next to the cash register.

“We still have to sort the receipts.”

Jadzia reached and grabbed around generously in the heap and pulled out a pen.

“We can.”

Both only looked up briefly to see Garak enter the shop. God, this guy pissed off Kira right now just by existing, luckily she could pass him off to someone else, namely, Julian. And if she knew him like she thought she did, he would be beaming with joy to meet up with his older friend.

Friend… that seemed to be too high a bar to set for a slimy Cardassian face.

“Good evening, ladies,” A soft and polite smile graced his face.

“Good evening Mr. Garak, we are already busy. But someone else would happily take your order,” said Jadzia quickly as Garak had stepped up to the counter.

Garak glanced shortly over the little receipts, which were strewn all about.

“The shop appears to be doing not so badly.”

“Yeah, those are the same receipts from the last four days,” commented Kira dryly and didn’t even look up at him once.

_Oh…_

“Then I suppose I must order here more often.”

“Or those disgusting Dominion people can finally learn that they haven’t actually lost anything on this side of town. Can you not mention this to your friend Dukat?”

Garak stepped backwards in horror and frowned in disgust, fully knowing that Kira couldn’t even actually see him.

“But Miss Kira, I would not describe Dukat as my friend… yes, now I’m a bit put off, thank you. I don’t really know if I want to eat or not right now. You really ought not offend your customers in this way.”

Before the situation between the two could get more heated (and already Dukat’s name alone could ruin Kira’s mood for the whole evening) Jadzia started grasping at straws.

“I’m sure that you could still order something.” She winked at the older man. “Julian, please come over here!”

A short moment passed, then she heard Julian’s exhausted voice.

“It’s already bad, Jadzia, I’ve got a logistical problem at the moment-”

Garak raised his eyebrow questioningly.

“One little moment, we’ll fix that right away,” said Jadzia firmly and crept past Kira, who was still pretending like all this wasn’t happening.

In the back working area Worf was already making two pizzas, while Ezri was busily taking a telephone order, a nearly harmonious image if it weren’t for Julian, who was brooding over now two orderly stacks of pizza boxes.

_He was quite hardworking!_

He held two more boxes in his hand, the chaos nearly eliminated, but now it seemed that he couldn’t quite go further.

“Jadzia, these two boxes I’ve got here, they’re different sizes than the others, what should I do with them?”

“Put them on the ground!”

Julian looked at her, horrified.

“What? But Nerys said…”

“That you need to please come to the front immediately. We have customers. And every paying customer is welcome.”

“Jadzia, I really would rather my work get finished first-”

Julian didn’t get much further than that, he was pushed forcefully through the passage to the front cash register area, his sneakers squeaking on the floor as he tried to fight back and press his feet against the floor.

“Oh. Hi, Garak,” said Julian and leaned forward, no longer being pushed by Jadzia.

_This is insanely embarassing!_

„Good evening,” said the older man and gifted his favorite employee of DD9 a warm smile. A short silence filled the room as Julian returned the smile heartily. The entire time at university he had looked forward to seeing him, and, like always, he just had to stare for a few seconds at the other.

He always did this when he saw Garak, when they greeted each other, just to see him a bit longer, maybe to understand his mind a bit better, that he found himself in such good company. At least he knew that his mood improved immensely whenever Garak was in the same room as him, and when Garak look at him so warmly, it was important for Julian that he got across the same wonderful feeling with a look of his own that mirrored what he received.

“A delivery?” Garak motioned towards the boxes in Julian’s hand.

“Oh no, I… I’m just cleaning up.” He started to gesture with the boxes and motioned towards the back working area. _Augh, you must look like an idiot! Get rid of the boxes!_

He obeyed his thoughts and laid the boxes carefully by Kira and the cash register.

He donned an embarrassed smile. _Fantastic, Julian!_

“Oh how hardworking you are today, Julian.”

Kira bit her lower lip. She wanted to show that HE was responsible for the chaos, but she refrained from making any remarks. She starkly noted Jadzia’s piercing gaze on the back of her neck, which seemed admonishing and – for reasons Kira could not fathom – Jadzia really was trying to prevent Julian from going through with this.

 “So then! What can I bring you, Garak? The usual?”

“Oh not this time, but thank you for asking, my dear.”

Garak had put a charming undertone in this sentence, as if Julian had not only offered him a dish, but himself. “I’ll take just a water.”

“Ah, um, okay, I’ll bring it to you right away,” said the younger one, still giddy from this charm-attack.

“If this guy only wants to order water, why does he even come?” muttered Kira sharply as Julian vanished into the working area.

“Do you really want an answer, Nerys?” Jadzia added an obvious sarcastic undertone to her question.

„No, I already know, I was only just thinking aloud.”

She fished another receipt out of the dwindling pile.

Meanwhile Julian came out with the glass full of water around the corner and headed towards Garak, who was sitting at his usual table.

“Oh many thanks, Julian.”

“Gladly,” Julian replied and placed the glass down.

Normally he would sit down with Garak then, if only for a few minutes, but at the moment it seemed a bit risky. Kira wasn’t sufficiently distracted by the receipts and he had stretched her patience thin enough today.

“I assume you don’t have a break at the moment, correct?”

“Unfortunately no.” Julian sounded truly disappointed. He looked forward every day to the chance to talk with his friend. Of course he enjoyed talking with Jadzia and the others – only today he would make an exception of Kira – but Garak, it was more than talking, everything about it was an experience. How this man gestured, how he presented himself, how he received  Julian’s thoughts, how he interpreted Julian’s ideas. It was as if during that time he could really forget that he was there in his glaring red polo shirt cleaning tables.

About roughly four months ago, shortly after Julian got this side job at DD9, he had spoken to Garak for the first time. On the day that Julian had accidentally left his medical textbooks next to the cash register, the two men had immediately noticed each other. As Julian quickly stashed them away elsewhere – an evil look came from Kira behind him – Garak asked him simply:

“Oh, already starting with microbiology? I heard that the lectures are meant to be very stressful, but they most definitely are worth it.”

The Cardassian then gave him for the first time his deep gaze. Julian felt completely penetrated by this look – Garak was sharp, and in some ways a little frightening. Briefly Julian wanted to take a few steps back to bring distance between him and this man. But as soon as he saw this predatory gleam in those eyes, it vanished just as quickly and instead of taking flight, Julian just stared back.

“You… ah. You know medicine?”

“Haha, I read quite a bit, but I am no doctor, if that’s what you mean. I’m estimating that you’re in your fifth semester or so?”

“Yes, that’s right… how do you know that?”

Julian stammered a bit around that sentence. Had he guessed that just from the textbooks?

“Okay, order or get out, Cardassian!”

Kira rudely shoved Julian aside. (He still does not know how he stumbled not one, but two unlucky steps to the left due to Kira’s strength.)

“But my dear, I didn’t want to cause any trouble. I would have liked to have given my order to this wonderful and charming young man.”

Even when Kira stood before him and burned her aggressive glare into him, Garak still focused his unnaturally clear blue eyes on Julian.

_Um… what?_

Whenever he mused over this memory, he felt a pleasant shiver and warm feeling in his stomach. He was simultaneously fascinated and overwhelmed. Something about having this look directed at him sparked something in him, probably something that he would get addicted to from this precise inner shiver combined with his excitement.

Afterwards, in retrospect, everything went by itself from that point. Garak spoke to him specifically about his books, started engaging him in thrilling discussions about medicine and Cardassian politics (of course to throw this complex curveball into the mix was already a feat and showed off Garak’s quick-witted mannerisms.) It hadn’t even been five days before Julian was loaned his first book from the Cardassian.

Kira nearly flipped out… _Blah blah, Cardassians are not people, monsters, blah blah… They’ll eat you whole, skin and hair, blah blah._

Julian couldn’t take this aggressive monologue from his co-worker anymore. The breaks, which they since then took together on a daily basis (during which Julian always asked the tailor how he could do that, didn’t he have a shop to run or something?), were like vacations for the young man.

And they were … always… “stimulating”? _Wow, word choice, that’s enough, Julian!_

“What a shame. I must then say, that I cannot spend your break with you today, I have work to finish up that I can’t postpone.” Garak took a small sip from the water glass, his blue eyes wandering towards Julian.”

“Oh, well when you’ve got something to do, I can understand. That’s not so bad.”

Okay, that was a lie. It bothered him a lot. For a long time neither had them denied to spend a break together, and to not have a great and stimulating conversation was a little bit like a going cold turkey for him.

_Maybe I can just study for classes tonight…_

“But I would like to offer you something as compensation. I have heard from one of my beloved customers that there is a small Cardassian art show presented by three students at the university. I would like very much to see it and it would please me if you were to accompany me. I would be curious to hear your opinions about the images.”

He withdrew a small flyer out of his coat pocket and slid it over the table to Julian. He sat (shortly after he weighed the risks of Kira moving him out of the chair by force) and pulled the flyer towards him.

Upon perusing it he said sheepishly, “I mean, I’m not really an art connoisseur, Garak. There are even a few themes in the literary field that I don’t get, I don’t know if I’m the right person to accompany you to this…”

“No, Julian,” said Garak gently and added a touch of lasciviousness to his voice, compelling Julian to look up over the rim of the flyer at Garak.

_Oh, those eyes!_

“I cannot imagine a better person to accompany me than you. To know that you are by my side on that evening would please me greatly. And together we can better understand the Cardassian artworks, don’t you agree?”

“Um… okay. I’m trying-“ said Julian reluctantly, he himself a bit unclear about why he was being so hesitant about it. “I’ve got classes on that night, I think, I will wait after my lecture on campus to meet up with you. We’ll head to the building together.”

“Thank you, that you would still take time for me after a long day at the university. I really appreciate it.”

Garak’s voice gave Julian yet again one of those pleasant, fascinating shivers, but before he could savor it, Garak began to rise out of his seat.

“Then I look forward to Tuesday.”

“Oh yes, me too,” said Julian, somewhat confused, and rose as well. _He’s_ _already going?_

Garak didn’t elaborate based on Julian’s slightly irritated look but instead bowed lightly and went on his way out. All that was left was Julian, confused and a little disappointed, with a flyer about a Cardassian art show in his hand (and how was he supposed to know, along with everything else going on, critique Cardassian art?)

He eyes followed how his friend left the pizzeria and stayed around outside the door for a while.

“Everything alright there, Julian?”

He noted that Kira and Jadzia were eyeing him with interest. _Man you must look like an idiot, don’t just stare around stupidly!_ “Everything’s fine!” he quickly replied, glanced at the flyer, and headed back towards his box-stacking-project.

_“Cardassian art has always been an important component of the characterization of the understanding of the Cardassian people’s State and identity…”_ His eyes skimmed further over the flyer. _“Let yourself be penetrated by the messages from the artists…”_

That seemed somewhat offensive, didn’t it, Cardassian, even, but after all- oops!

Julian just passed the counter when Jadzia snatched the piece of paper out of his hand.

„Aha, so an art show! I didn’t know that you were into Cardassian art.”

“Um.” Julian collected his thoughts and tried to ignore the piercing stare from Kira behind Jadzia’s back.

“I’m not even completely sure right now if I like it or not.”

“But you’re going anyway.”

“Yeah, Garak and I are going together Tuesday night.”

Oh wait a second! Julian’s words, now actually spoken aloud, became real in his head and he began to understand… that sounds like a….

“Oh Julian, you have a date?”

Date?

Jadzia eyed him mischievously.

“No, it is not a date…. Obviously! I think…”

“I’m thinking otherwise.”

“Yeah, what a shame then, it’s not with you, right?” retorted Julian sharply and tore the flyer out of her hand.

„You’d be jealous if only you knew what kind of wonderful dates Worf and I have.”

Kira rolled her eyes in exasperation and lifted her pen just as…

“Who’s going on what date with whom? Come on people, please, this isn’t a singles bar,” said Sisko, letting the door close and lock behind him.

“Julian and Garak. Good evening Benjamin,” said Jadzia quickly and nodded at him.

_Wait, what?_

„Um and Worf and Jadzia! Which is way more problematic because they work together, sir!” Julian quickly added to Jadzia’s comment.

Jadzia circled around the young man, who at first didn’t really understand why her face was plastered with a proud grin.

“So you’ve got a DATE!”

“I don’t know if you should be happy for someone that has a date with a Cardassian.”

Kira’s voice had a certain something that was very, very terrifying.

„Except I don’t have a date!”

“But of course,” said Jadzia sarcastically. She had won this round, she knew it, Julian and Kira as well – even though it didn’t really seem to matter to either of them – Jadiza just simply had to celebrate.

Julian bit his lower lip – this was a game he would never get himself involved in again. And clearly, he was the loser this particular evening, so he might as well deal with the rest of the confrontations in his way. “I, for my part, am working now, Jadzia,” snapped Julian, who grabbed the two boxes from the counter and vanished into the back area.

“Oh, that is really an energetic start today,” remarked Sisko, “I hope that it gets transferred to work performance too.”

Which today would probably be mindless cardboard stacking.

Kira headed over towards the ear-to-ear-grinning Jadzia and pressed a few more receipts into her hand.

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” commented Kira and pushed another receipt on Jadzia.

„At least, not today.”

“Oh yes, betting is also not allowed in my pizzeria,” noted the shop owner to Jadzia and Kira, followed be a short smile.

“But of course, Benjamin.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Translator's note: Thanks for reading! :D Now onto the author's words/story!]  
> Does it always have to be this way? I am terrible at summaries, ah well… Julian has his date and suggests something amazingly brave. (Be honest, isn’t that a terrible summary?)  
> Notes:  
> My lovely Beta-Reader Cheron was especially patient with me this time! : D

Julian crossed his arms and raised his shoulders high, despite the fact that spring was at the door, but he shivered due to the late hour. His thin jacket couldn’t give him enough warmth.

Perhaps he should have worn jeans without holes in the knees?

He straightened his backpack, which was full of books. A few were from the university, a few from himself, and one, two books from Garak. Both he had already read completely through, two times even. One of them he would almost describe as entertaining, and he wasn’t so quick to give it back to Garak right away. Perhaps Julian would give him back one today, but one of them he had to keep. Another reason to see Garak again, he barely would have had any if not for that.

If there ever was a reason why Garak would suddenly stop involving him in his mind games and not see him anymore, Julian had this book as a trump card, a lifeline to bring Garak back into the shop.

Anyhow, the sentence “I want to see you again” didn’t work so well in his thoughts as “I have to see you again, I still have one of your books.”

Julian shook his head. He was really thinking of strange things. And just two days ago he didn’t even feel comfortable thinking of it as real.

It pleased him to converse with Garak, to discuss things, to share his views of culture and literature with him. But also to hear the other and, like always, be surprised by Garak at the end of the conversation – even just a little bit – and be inspired by this worldly company the older one brought. But even more than that he was pleased by the fond look with which Garak looked at him when they held their discussions, his electrifying voice, and his subtle scent of a quite wonderful perfume that Julian didn’t know.

Should he ask himself what that really meant?

And then there were those clear blue eyes, whose spell he fell under each time and could smoothly slip under and lose himself in. _Lose myself in someone’s eyes? From what crappy novel did I get that cliché from?_

All of the signs were there the whole time. And if someone had asked him a week ago where he stood with Garak, he wouldn’t have been able to definitely name it- he would rather have gone with “friendship”. Now, however, when he thought it over, he had even less to say. All he knew was what it was not: a simple friendship.

A common crush, maybe? _Dammit, couldn’t this all just stop!_

Julian nervously dragged his fingers through his hair and took the bag off of his shoulders – the books were becoming heavy. He skillfully balanced them between his legs, clamping them together.

Fantastic! After all he had busied himself for ten seconds and therefore had held his thought train at bay.

In that case, it looks like he needed more bags full of books then!

He gently pushed his right foot against his backpack, following his move with his eyes and discovered that he desperately needed new sneakers.

_Alone, all of these things culminated to the biggest joke, independent of the fact that sometimes I’m maybe just confused or curious. How can a cultivated, intelligent, and handsome man be interested in someone like me who goes around looking like this? And I’m going like this on a date?!_

Tuesday came far too soon. It was only a week ago that he was philosophizing with Garak over the flyer, even if only briefly, and now? He had a date with Garak.

_Can I back down? But why? Back down from a meeting that I’m excited about and that I don’t really feel ready for? How can that be a date?_

“Augh dammit Jadzia, this stupid word!”

Again his foot hit his bag.

“Good evening Julian. I hope I am not disturbing your intriguing monologue?”

Garak stood a good three steps away from him and shot him a charming look.

Julian flushed red. Yeah, that was embarrassing, no question.

_Would it be so embarrassing if I wasn’t here to have a date with him? Or does it make complete sense because of the fact and presence of this word that I’m suddenly acting like an idiot?_

Julian decided to briefly let his thoughts run quiet. A comfortable silence filled his head. Finally there existed the possibility that he carry with him this enjoyable feeling and pleasant thoughts that he got whenever the other man looked at him.

„Ah but you know, Garak, it’s much nicer to talk with you.”

He dipped his head lightly and glanced up at the Cardassian.

He had this look down. And it worked! Now he could save himself from the moment being “insanely embarrassing” to “halfway bearable”.

“That is what I like to hear. So then, shall we go now?”

“Yeah, of course.” Julian grabbed his much-stepped-on-bag and hefted it over his shoulder.

As he walked next to Garak, the books didn’t seem so heavy anymore.

They made quick work of the small-talk, as the debates were much more interesting. Even just how Garak gestured, or how he picked each individual word! All that right from the beginning was what fascinated him, but this time he gave this feeling of fascination full room to roam, which it cleared had deserved.

_Oh wow, he knows this and that, and whoa, how he clarified that! Oh and his eyes, wow!_

How could he have cleverly evaded or played down these thoughts before?

In the last three days, Julian had read the books that Garak had recommended to him more than anything else.

Overall he now invested more energy in their relationship. Through it he was consistently rewarded with pleasant feelings and new experiences. Because of this, and this reason was not negligible, under no condition did he want Garak to think badly of him. And that meant that he also wanted to score points with literary interpretation as well.

_All of that should convince the older man that Julian was in no way short sighted! … As long as he actually thought that. Yeah, what does Garak actually think of me?_

Whatever moment Julian had first troubled himself with the thought that Garak thought positively of him, he didn’t know anymore. He had in reality become the object of desire here. So he would just have to let himself take what he could and not worry about what Garak thought of him.

As they both came to the entrance of the show, they had to wait in a little line. Julian had not thought that an art show by local Cardassian artists would be so popular. And even though he attended this same university that was hosting this art show, he didn’t even know about it until a few days before.

His gaze wandered around the audience who was hoping for entrance. Most were definitely older than him. Should there be a student in there, who had gotten themselves confused in the mix of things, they were definitely a Cardassian. That ethnic group was definitely in the majority here.

“Lots going on,” commented Julian and scooted closer to Garak. He felt somewhat uncomfortable- no, not somewhat, he felt straight up uncomfortable. He was seriously underdressed. Although it was a student showcase, those that were here were definitely better dressed than the average student. The awful sneakers and the holes in the pants didn’t make things any better. He had to sigh- should Garak drag him along to any other events, he had to shape up his wardrobe. _My next paycheck is going straight to new clothes, no question!_

“Understandably,“ said Garak, pulling Julian back into the situation at hand. Garak noticed instantly that the younger man didn’t quite follow his statement, and he moved closer and spoke a little more quietly.

“Think it over somewhat, Julian. This is a former Cardassian neighborhood and while the occupation has ended, there are still some Cardassians left. They have their roots here, they build something for themselves here. Due to a, at least for me, not quite understandable and exaggerated unpopularity of our population, these events are rather rare. You may have already been aware of what is possible here.”

“That almost sounds like the Cardassians were the victims of what happened, because now they’re denied their cultural background?” Julian was trying as well to speak as lowly as possible, as he didn’t want to give off a negative impression, as he was a Terran and clearly in the minority here.

“I sometimes feel like that is so.”

He actually meant that! The young pre-med student didn’t want to initiate any fundamental discussion on the occupation, most definitely-  however, Julian still threw Garak a horrified glance.

Garak was well aware that Julian couldn’t just compliantly go along with this statement, and gave him one of his most sincere looks, changing the direction of the conversation.

“But we really ought to focus more on evening that lies ahead of us and less on the Cardassian occupation of the past. I am quite sure that with you on my side, it will be perfect. Don’t you agree?” It was clear that there were two ways to take this statement.

How could this man talk about an oppressive culture one minute and then shamelessly hit on him the other?!

Julian knew the morally correct answer: hash out this discussion on the occupation, make it all clear to Garak that he couldn’t be influenced by a few charming words and then leave him looking dumb, just because he was a Cardassian. The justification was always there.

But instead, and this was probably due to his open-minded intellect, he went in. So unashamed and brave it was of this older man to talk to Julian like that, in this exact manner – or something even more… it influenced and stimulated him.

“I will do my best in order to give you an enjoyable evening.” A soft smile followed Garak’s statement.

“For two?” Without waiting for a response the Cardassian student handed two tickets to Julian and Garak.

Julian wanted to dig into his overfull backpack to find his wallet but found that Garak beat him to it and paid for the both of them.

Apparently he couldn’t be any more embarrassed than he already was, but somehow the meaningful look that the Cardassian student gave him was reason enough for him to look somewhat shamefully at the ground.

Garak handed him the ticket, which in itself felt uncomfortably pompous, while it was after all just a student exhibit. He should probably start getting used to it when Cardassians do something – they want to make it absolutely perfect from start to finish.

“Thanks for paying, I’ll pay you back afterwards.”

“I needn’t tell you that it’s completely unnecessary, or do I, my dear?”

“Um, no, of course not, but I find it important to at least offer. You shouldn’t feel responsible for me… just because I’m younger and poor or whatever.” Julian forced out a hoarse, embarrassed laugh.  

“I don’t feel that, least of all for you.”

Garak paused at the entrance and stepped right behind Julian to give him lead. The younger one took the offer and entered the room ahead of Garak.

It wasn’t especially big, however the pictures were perfectly arranged with the lighting. Julian had no idea about art but alone from the first impression that he got as he walked into the room, he felt trapped. It was, like always, an accurate description.

Garak caught up to him and rested his left hand on Julian’s back and steered him a bit further into the room. This contact was very, very unusual for Julian. Understandably he was touched sometimes, on the back, on the neck, Quark had only recently tried to hug him – he likely wanted to steal something! – but this seemed to Julian to be on a much more intimate level. It didn’t feel bad, but not quite familiar. Maybe because for him it was so new? So unknown? But he didn’t want to dissuade it or negatively comment on it either. At the end of this inner discussion Julian realized that Garak was already taking his hand off of Julian’s back – _him touching me had lasted barely ten seconds, and yet…_ The feeling vanished as quickly as it had come, and without it Julian couldn’t really evaluate the feeling.

“But do you know something, Julian?”

The older man waited for Julian to give a short nod to make his attention on Garak known.

„I feel responsible for your comfort when we are out together. I hope that you don’t resent me.”

“Oh no, not at all, I…”

These words were so soft and warm coming from Garak, how could he get more from that? How could he do that, how could he reciprocate this level of feeling he was given?

Rather than keeping on talking and likely ending the conversation with mindless babble, he decided to stop before he could embarrass himself more.

“Wonderful, now we can take a look at these images.” The Cardassian steered him towards one of the many artworks in the room.

There were works on display from there different art students. They were all different based on style and coloring (for some reason Julian had expected them to mostly paint in gray) but an overall theme united them: Passion for the State.

“Brilliant, isn’t it, Julian?”

“Um, I’m not actually quite sure yet,” Julian replied and look more closely at the image. He could make out a young woman who was stretching after standing. A table stood in the middle of the room, a bed in the corner and yeah, the colors were relatively powerful. _No, art critic isn’t the job for you, Julian!_

“Do you recognize it?”

Julian furrowed his brow. What exactly was so special about this image?

“So there is a woman, who has just stood up.”

“Yes, but why? Why is she standing?”

“Garak, those are just questions…” Julian wanted to decline answering.

“No, that is THE question, my young friend.”

Julian chalked it up more or less to Garak’s charm that he’d be up for listening to the exact interpretation of this image.

“Look at the colors. They’ve picked unnaturally strong ones, they are light colors that burn into your eyes. It would be a fashion faux pas if this woman really was lying in a neon green top in bed with that garish red coverlet. But this isn’t about the echelons of fashion as much as it is about the meaning of these colors- that’s the meaning I can support.”

“The theme of this art show is: For the State…” Julian start to muse.

“Exactly!” Garak beamed happily.

“Does this mean she standing up for the State?”

“Of course, she - no, we all do everything for the State.”

“But I get up every morning and go to university, and that isn’t for the State,” interjected Julian, and tried to bring a bit of distance between himself and the artwork. The colors were really chosen to be uncomfortable and blinding.

“Yes, but if someone were to capture your morning rising in an image, it would be painted in dull, at best normal colors, but here, everything is bright. The simplest fact shines in the face of intention and purpose.”

Julian paused briefly and took advantage of the view of enthusiastic Garak.

It was simply gripping, how excited and supportive he could be for his country, his State.

“Well then, I would still prefer Cardassian literature. Even though one wouldn’t really come across something like this in the State, in literature I don’t really have the feeling that I would be blinded due to the colors.”

“Don’t misjudge this art here, Julian!”

“I’m not judging it, I’m only saying that there is something intrinsically dangerous in it.”

“Like almost everything Cardassian…?” Garak shot him a sidelong playful glance.  “I think that Cardassians have their own way of doing many things. As for that way always being dangerous, I don’t truly know… but it can also be pleasing…”

Julian smiled his prettiest smile - yes, that could definitely be described as flirting.

“Ah, then if it pleases you, I must undoubtedly hang up more Cardassian artwork in my apartment.”

“Garak, please, I don’t think that you can impress me so much. Those pictures will more likely than not just terrify me.”

They both strolled comfortably through the ever-filling hall. And while Julian still felt out of place due to his clothing choices, he was sure that the artworks shown here far outstripped him in terms of absurdity and color clashes, at least in his eyes.

“Then tell me,” said Garak and stood with Julian in front of a picture. “What exactly can I do to impress you?”

Was this question meant to be serious? Julian wanted to keep playing their game, but he couldn’t whisk away his surprised expression.

“You, um,” he said as he searched for the right words and decided to instead focus on the tiny terrible image on the wall rather than to look Garak in the eyes.

“... you don’t have to do anything to impress me.”

_Alone your ways of speaking, gesturing, and smiling are enough to impress me._

Garak laid his hand on Julian’s upper arm and made sought-after eye contact.

“Whatever I can do to make you feel more comfortable, let me know, yes?”

Okay, that was flirting, but in an unusually direct way. It was so open - it was like on a plane that hadn’t even been developed yet. No, it was so directly formulated, that the younger one was somewhat overwhelmed at being spoken to in such a direct fashion.

_Dammit, what do I say? Crap, don’t just stand there! Don’t become a stuttering mess! Let it go, Julian! Don’t make a fool of yourself!_

Julian simply nodded at his friend’s offer and received a smile in thanks.

The Cardassian slowly removed his hand from Julian’s upper arm and put distance between the two again. For Julian the touching felt very comfortable, and it didn’t feel right that Garak ended it so soon, but he wasn’t in the position to prevent Garak from stepping back.

The rest of the time in the show went astonishingly quickly. Julian rushed from one “artwork” to the next, agreeing with Garak the most on the fact that each and every image, while sending a good Cardassian message, had awful color choices. The younger man was truly missing an eye for this style of art. Theater and literature were relatable and easy to handle, but here it took so much energy to put oneself into the mind of the artist.

However Garak’s tips were very helpful and whenever Julian was asked by Garak of his opinion of another confusing image, he built the words “state” and “politically good” into it so that he could avoid a profound critique.

He was sure that Garak noticed that he himself didn’t quite leap at the images, but it seemed that in order to connect with the older man, Julian had to use the aforementioned exact words. There was a small moment where Julian was unsure if he wasn’t too simple for Garak as he used one of the chosen words in one of his sentences for what felt to be the tenth time.

However instead of getting a deriding glance, an annoyed sigh or a reproachful remark, he realized that the other man was laughing softly at him and looking at him fondly.

Julian had to laugh as well.

“That image was terrible, correct?” Garak leaned over and whispered into Julian’s ear.

“Yeah, really.”

“I think that we have learned three things today: firstly, that we are not quite so good art critics as we should be.”

“Oh yes, we have still much work ahead of us,” added Julian and nodded to confirm.

“Secondly: The State is a wonderful and good authority.”

Again Julian nodded, but he didn’t mean it as seriously as he seemed to.

“And thirdly: I have really exposed you enough to these explosions of color. In apology, may I be allowed to invite you for a cup of coffee?

There again was that word ‘date’ ringing in Julian’s thoughts, but he simple didn’t want to evaluate it. The fact that Garak invited him to coffee pleased him, and that was sufficient. To end the evening like that worked well for him. The ending of this event seemed like a date, so should it be one or not?

There, where these thoughts wanted to take the young man, he wasn’t ready for that yet. He wanted to concentrate on Garak, completely appreciate everything from him, and fully use this additional time offered to him.

_Why not?_

“I think… yeah okay, why not.”

He quickly noted how an unbelievably joyful glimmer flickered across Garak’s gaze. Had he really thought that Julian would reject him?... _Should I have done that?_

Garak turned towards the exit. Both slipped through the thick crowd of people.

_Anyway…_

As they passed through the exit there was once again cool air. It must have cooled off a few degrees. As the Cardassian tightened his coat, Julian breathed in deeply.

_Anyway no, I should have rejected the offer, but I just don’t want to._ _Is that wrong?_

“So, uh, where are we heading?”

“I would say where it’s warm and not too far so we don’t have to walk in the cold.”

The younger man quickly thought it over.

“So, a relatively good cafe is on the edge of campus. Don’t worry, it’s privately owned, no weird instant coffee or whatever you’ll find in the cafeteria.”

“I thank you that you’re taking my tastes into consideration.”

“Don’t misunderstand me, I’m taking our health into consideration as well when I suggest something that doesn’t involve the cafeteria.”

The Cardassian smiled, lightly amused. Then silence followed, a settled, unsure silence, which Julian perceived had only been formerly broken be the light murmuring that was present during the art show and was now absent.

“Alright, so…”

_Should I still say something? I’m still going with him there right now, right? Yeah, I’m going!_

Julian stuck his hands in his pockets. His eyes wandered back to the gallery room that they just left, his eyes following the path to where the students were no longer selling tickets but rather typing away on their phones, and then over the cobbled street to his shoes.

_Why am I so embarrassed… ugh I can’t look at these shoes anymore!_

He closed his eyes, the wild color combinations dancing before his eyelids.

_Go away…_

The first step felt heavy to Julian, as if he was carrying three or more of these bloody bags. The next step was simpler, easier. Now it felt like it was only two bags. And as Garak joined up with him, it was as if Garak was carrying the bags for him.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My opinions on summaries are known, right?  
> Getting coffee is typical for a date, that’s what they have to understand. (Done ;D )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Translator's note: So I will be updating as I translate along, so I have some chapters stacked up but they may slow down as I catch up with my backlog. We'll see :) Remember - if it's not in this translator's note bracket, it's all Kokolikescake! ^^ ]

 

 “When you have to go out in this thin jacket, please bring along a scarf next time, otherwise you will fall ill.”

“I won’t get sick.”

“I didn’t know that doctors were immune to colds, forgive me.”

“You’re overlooking my irresistible charm that protects me from every type of sickness, Garak.” Julian had to laugh at himself after saying that.

“I apologize for misunderstanding.” Garak shook his head, aghast. “How could I?”

“Apparently you have to look a little more closely next time,” teased Julian.

Yeah that was flirting but they were also probably on a date, and anyway he was having just too much fun doing this.

“Even more closely?”

“I can only give suggestions.”Julian could be arrogant, no question. But here it was more fun to let it hang suggestively off of each sentence. Besides, he wanted to break the tension of the situation.

_Actually, why do I want to do that?_

They walked a short time in silence next to each other.  No rousing discussion, no stupid sentences from Julian.

_Ugh, Julian, get it together!_

The cafe came into view and he heaved a sigh of relief. It was a small cafe on the edge of campus and was bustling with activity. Garak opened the glass door and held it open for Julian.  

On the one hand it was unusual for Julian to accept this gesture, but on the other hand it felt pleasant when Garak did it. For Julian, it showed how much the other man appreciated him, how much Garak endeavored to make sure he was doing well when they were together. He had never thought that it wouldn’t bother him to be treated in such a way by another man, and by the phrase “another man” he mostly meant Garak.

Julian then briefly ran the thought of how they must have appeared through his head: There was the definitely well-dressed older man who was holding the door for a completely terribly dressed younger man.

_Definitely an eye-catching sight, but somehow I am just fine with that…_

Finding a table was quickly accomplished- Julian strode with purpose over to his favorite place by the window.

Julian finally had the chance to put his backpack down and get a second wind. “God, that thing is heavy…”

He stretched to give his back the opportunity to lose some of its tension. Julian noted out of the corner of his eye how Garak tracked his movements.

He drew out the pose, dragging it out somewhat - getting attention from the other man pleased him.  After his “performance”, he took his seat.

_Okay, you’re sitting here with a very good friend, and just want to drink something. That’s all._ Whether it was because of that thought or because the cafe’s atmosphere Julian couldn’t say, but he began to relax.

“So then, what would you like to drink?”

“Something warm, in any case. And perhaps something that will wake me up a bit and keep me that way. I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

Garak raised an eyebrow. “Why would you think that you would embarrass yourself?”

Julian weighed how exactly to respond to this. His thoughts weren’t always really understandable. To share those kind of thoughts with Garak wasn’t exactly easy for him either. But unfortunately he was already stuck in this conversation anyway because he carelessly said something.

_What should you say? You won’t be able to keep this up much longer if you don’t say anything..._

Julian wished a miracle would happen. Maybe his friend could suddenly read his mind and understand and see his thoughts so that he wouldn’t actually have to say anything.

_Actually, that would be too terrifying…_

_A catastrophe could also work..._

_An earthquake, and then he wouldn’t have to talk about this topic._

_No, too dramatic…_

Since he couldn’t rely on any of those things to happen, he gathered his courage.

“Well, yeah, as we’ve seen from my total absence of understanding art, which I’ve shown pretty clearly, I don’t want to give off any more negative impressions during our, ah… _hanging out_ … you know, like being tired and staring off into space or something.” He tried to fight his way around a certain word and ended up looking like an idiot.

It occurred to him that what he said seemed more bad than good, and internally he balked against what his words - of course, was he even making sense? - and Garak must have noticed. In that moment he was stricken with the realization that the more he tried to avoid _that word_ , the entire situation just got more embarrassing for him.

_Pull yourself together! You’re an adult, so act like one. This man can’t take you seriously when you’re talking nonsense like this!_

“I mean, on a date…”  he said softly, and saw that Garak was looking at him with widened eyes, “you always want to do the right thing, don’t you?”

There, it was said, it was really hard and totally awful, but it happened. The world kept turning, Garak hadn’t (yet) laughed at him, and he was still breathing. All of the terrible fears he had hadn’t (yet) come true.

_That earthquake can feel free to happen at any time now…_

But it didn’t come. And there were no words left to cross Julian’s lips. He’d fired all of his metaphorical cannons with that sentence. Whatever Garak wanted to make of it, this gruesome admission, Julian couldn’t influence it anymore. He had failed. This _damned_ word!

_Augh, dammit again, Jadzia. Thanks a lot for that!_

But those irresistible blue eyes, the way Garak looked at him, as if he was aiming to please Julian, the way he wore his clothes… ah, just simply everything about him caused him to say that word.

And now? They were staring at each other. But for Julian it felt relatively easy to look Garak in the eyes because the tension was now gone.

“What can I bring you all to drink?”

Garak was the first t break the eye contact and turned to the server with a wide smile.

_Maybe she thinks Garak is my professor or something? Ack, how awful…_ But even this thought didn’t make him cringe too much. He had knowingly taken a beating, it was a bad one, no doubt, not really elegant at all, but the end was near.

“I will have plain coffee, thank you.”

Even the sever had to look a little more closely at Garak, whose eyes shone and seemed to capture even her, and his smile was so perfect.

_Ugh what’s going on, should he be really laying his charms out right now. I’M the one on a date._

“I’ll take a coffee too, please,” said Julian lightly, off to the side, and got a much more cursory glance from the young woman, who was similar to him in age.

_Perhaps it was a matter of age? Everyone between 23-26 wants a piece of Garak?_

The older man waited until the server was at the counter before beginning to speak.

“So, you could have quietly let me know that this was a date, my dear. I would have given you a small gift. It takes two to go on a date.”

Garak gave Julian an adoring look that even the server hadn’t gotten. Here, the eyes were far more expressive than with the young woman.

“Yes, you’re right, but up until now it was a rather low-key date.” Julian grinned hugely.

“Of course. And how did you come to the conclusion that you should open up the offer of making this a date?”

“I thought that a coffee date is so typical, so that’s when I decided to say it.” Julian had to laugh, even so loud so that people at other tables threw them even more questioning looks. It didn’t bother him anymore - he was here, drinking coffee late in the evening with a great friend, and now he was on a date with him.

“Well yeah, I’m sometimes a bit too complicated, Garak, you don’t have to understand it,” he murmured and glanced over at Garak.

“But that’s how you are always surprising me, Julian. And alone that makes this date possibly the best one I’ve ever had.”

Again, they traded sincere glances.

“And how are you finding our date?”

“Right now or the previous “low-key date” part?”

“What if I was asking about both?”

Julian leaned and rested his head back.

Was he seriously having this discussion right now? And it really wasn’t affecting him as much as he had previously feared?

He decided to wait to answer until the polite server brought their coffees by. She also brought with her a short questioning look, which she cast on the both of them. In contrast to the other guests, she could quickly cover up her glances.

Julian looked at the hot drink before him. Thin wisps of steam rose about it and it smelled damn good. He looked over at his companion, whose hands were wrapped around the mug to gather its warmth.

“I found it informative.”

“Do you mean the art show?”

“Yes, that too, but I mean that part was more of an experience that I not necessarily would want to repeat.”

Julian sipped his coffee. It was extremely bitter, more sugar would probably be good. It was no comparison to the tasty, sweet cornflakes that he used to wake himself up every morning. _Although coffee does a better job. ._

“But the rest,” said Julian softly and set his mug down after another sip. “That… that I found to be worth repeating.”

“Then the chances are good that I may be allowed to have another date with you, where I know beforehand that it is one?”

Julian weighed his answer, or at least tried to. The bitter and strong taste of the coffee seemed to make it too hard to think clearly. Or was he too tired? Or was it the fact that he was here on a date with Garak and was talking about future ones now too?

“Yeah, I think the possibility is there.”

Garak’s eyes widened.

_He’s really happy about it…_

Julian started to smile. His cheeks got warmer, the coffee, the warm space, and, yes, even his companion were responsible for it.

They exchanged a look, that’s something they did often, but this one Julian didn’t recognize.

He shook his head.

“Julian?”

_I’m tired, damned tired… and the coffee is too bitter anyway. I want sweet cornflakes, a bed, and… but I don’t want to go yet._

“Oh I should have told you, how last night a drunk Jem’Hadar rampaged into the shop and Mr. Sisko had to get him under control?”

“That sounds quite brave. Was Mr. Odo not nearby to stop him like always?”

Julian told the story, Garak listened, as one would normally listen to a story. He commented occasionally, casually, but it was appropriate for the situation.

It was far more important that they were both sitting here, the topic of discussion was irrelevant.

When Garak got home two hours later, he would ask himself what he had done to deserve this glorious young man in his life.

When Julian got home two hours later, he would raid the cornflakes box.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Translator’s Note: originally in English] Ahhh~~ it took us some time to finish this one...But at least a friend started working on the artwork for my fanfiction ^^ Yes, I hope I get some pictures soon. Why am I writing in English? .... [TN: end of English]  
> Um, yeah, so summary? So here. Julian’s struggle with himself and Jadzia after the date. ;D  
> I would rather write about what I liked about this chapter. The genetically altered people! I loved them in the TV show and finally I can use them. AND Jadzia and Julian. I still find them great! So there will be lots of fun! : )

For the  last time Julian pushed his alarm clock away. The incredibly cheery melody of the cell phone could barely make the young man get up.

_Crap…_

Julian rubbed his eyes.

_I don’t want to…_

His legs felt unbelievably heavy as he tried to schlep himself across the first meter to the bathroom. His head, above all, was heavier than anything else.

Julian hoped that the cold water of the shower would calm the swirling thoughts in his head - the hope was in vain. They still busied themselves with the same things, predominantly yesterday’s date.

_How am I not supposed to think about it?_

Julian blew briefly against the stream of water from the shower.

He could say for sure that it was a great date.

With Garak…

And it had made him happy.

_It was far better than I had expected._

Julian later smirked with his toothbrush in his mouth.

_It was fantastic!_

But this realization led to a hundred other thoughts and questions. It stirred him up inside and had occupied his thoughts all night long. It was simply too loud in his mind to close his eyes.

Did he like it? What would it be like if he kissed Garak? _Would I want to kiss him? How would Garak react?_

Julian hastily grabbed a shirt from his closet. A few more other things more or less collapsed against him. _Clean up, Julian!_

_And sleep…_

The student barely ate breakfast, shoveling as many cornflakes as possible into his mouth.

_What do I have for lectures today?_ His concentration was already letting him down today.   _Should I get my schedule out? No, I definitely don’t have time…_ A speedy glance at the clock let him know that he was right.

“Dammit!” Hastily he chucked his stuff in his bag.  After he slammed the door shut he sprinted towards the bus stop. A short moment later he was much more awake and his thoughts began to quiet.

 

***

“Everything alright, Bashir?”

Jack’s voice was briefly more grating than not.

“Mhm.”

“You look awful, man.”

“Then don’t look.” Julian pressed his head into his palm.

Like always the cafeteria was full, although Julian would rank the food among the worst he has ever experienced. _I’d rather eat gagh…_

“Should we leave you alone, Julian?” Sarina sounded quite concerned and Julian glanced up at her briefly.

“No, just stay quiet.”

“Leave him alone Sarina, he doesn’t know what he wants, right, Julian?”

Julian decided to let Jack’s comment get lost in the mess of noises of the cafeteria. He shoved his tray with the unwanted sandwich to the side and laid his head on the table.

_Ah…_

It was comfortably dark as he closed his eyes and somehow he managed to shut out some of the noise.

“Don’t sleep on me, Bashir, I’m still waiting for a report.” Jack smiled scornfully.

“Of what?” Julian had to struggle to respond to Jack’s statement.

“Well you had a date yesterday, right? The stories from that ought to be… interesting.”

Julian’s stomach cramped up, and it didn’t come from that ominous sandwich that he had bought. On the inside he imagined what it would be like to smack Jack if he kept annoying Julian.

“I think we should let him rest.” Sarina defused the situation as if she had already seen the plan running through Julian’s head.

“So he’s just a good for nothing guy, eh?”

Only his debilitating fatigue and the comfortable darkness stopped Julian from beginning a massive smackdown.

He much preferred to allow himself to be embraced by the sounds of his environment. It wasn’t much quieter in his head. It was the same no matter what when he tried to find peace. The result would be the same.

Despite everything the young man managed to relax a bit during the conversation between Jack, Lauren, and Sarina.

There was no Cardassian art show to marvel at, no sophisticated discussion to have, no eloquent, well-dressed man who spoke and held his undivided attention.

However Julian felt that something had been solved then, so he laughed and briefly joined the conversation. Simple, easy, and without Garak, just totally boring...

***

As Julian approached DD9, he did so as slowly as possible.

The young man had the feeling that today a great challenge was awaiting him. He went a few steps into the room, staying alongside the wall, and then directly turned towards the employee area.

In the front area he could hear Kira and Worf quietly murmuring, whereas, really, for Worf, it was more of a low humming. In no way did he want to be trapped like yesterday… but if he… yeah that would be a miracle!

He carefully slunk around the corner, putting his bag away and slipping on his uniform. The red burned uncomfortably into his eyes. Still three minutes until he was on shift. _Incredible! I’m on time!_

“And?”

Jadzia whipped around the corner and peered at Julian curiously. She could be so quick that it almost seemed like she had stood there the whole time and was only just waiting on him.

As for that, Julian didn’t have anything against people, above all beautiful women, waiting on him, but in this case his interests were elsewhere.

He briefly breathed deeply - it occurred to him that he would be better to gather all of his energy together and power through. “And what?” replied Julian back in monotone and turned his t-shirt on to be correct.

_Why did it have to be so red?_

“Julian, you know what I mean.”

She quickly pulled over two chairs and sat herself down.

“My evening last night was good, if that’s what you want to know.”

Jadzia just had to giggle and Julian tried not to notice her any further. He had stated the main message and that was that.

_Don’t get involved in a discussion!_

She waited a few seconds, scrutinizing him as he changed his clothes.

“I thought I was going to get details.”

“There isn’t a reason for details. It wasn’t anything particularly special.”

He glanced at the clock. In a minute he could say that his shift had begun and he had to work, and this awkward conversation would be gone.

_More like an interrogation…_

“Come on Julian, I’m waiting for a report back!”

“I’ll give you a summary - it was good, and I had a nice evening. “

He crammed his other shirt into his bag.

“You’re not making this easy.”

“Well yeah, I don’t know how that concerns you?”

Jadzia popped up energetically. That was the key word, it seemed, that she was waiting for and Julian rued saying that sentence already.

“How does that concern me? You listen here, I am your best friend and it’s not every day that someone has a date with a Cardassian!”

She arrived next to him in two quick steps. The young man was unable to avoid her - the room was too small, he was too tired and she was too fast - _how many Raktajinos must she have had already?_

“Julian,” she said and gave a concerted effort to lower her voice and keep it soft. “You look really tired, as if you hadn’t slept the entire night.”

He really didn’t have a reply to that - he must have really looked awful if it couldn’t be overlooked.

“Yeah,” he said hesitantly and tried to sound as plausible as possible without leaving much open for interpretation.

“I mean, I didn’t sleep a lot, but it wasn’t due to, well, what you think.”

There was a moment in which he truly believed that she had really understood him.

Jadzia frowned, a little disappointed and this scary, curious glint flashed in her eyes.

“So you just really slept badly?”

“That sounds about right.” _Will I be let off the hook so easily for each question?_

She started to smile and took his hand. Julian’s legs became somewhat shaky.  “Then I’ll bear with you today and support you more at work today.”

Julian felt like he was pierced by her open, beaming smile. This woman could totally cut right through him.

“Thank you… Jadzia.” The best smile that he could achieve at the moment followed.

She squeezed his hand again and Julian felt a light tingle in his stomach. He knew for sure what it was, but he also knew for sure that his friend didn’t feel the same way.

“Don’t let Worf see us,” he said somewhat hesitantly and glanced at his hand in hers.

“Eh, that’s what friends do.”

“I don’t think that he’ll believe that as an excuse.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, at least for us.”

Jadzia had to giggle again and let go of his hand.

“You’re going to hold their hand a lot now, right? Did you guys hold hands?”

_Ugh…_

Julian crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head.

“You know me, Julian, I’m not giving up.”

The young student looked her over, shot her a last blank, confused look, and went to the working area in the back.

His shift had started and his mind seemed to miraculously focus on the tasks at hand.  After a skeptic-to-scowling look from Worf, he suddenly noticed everything around him become clearer.

There were the usual noises from the front area of the restaurant, the annoying telephone ringing, Ezri’s cheery greeting, the humming from Worf, the heat of the ovens, and the overpowering smell of pizza.

All of this was his constant during this uneasy phase of his everyday life.

_I think this shift will do me some good..._ Julian’s goal to think of other thoughts was nearly achieved, at least until his break.

He was going along, so motivated, as he grabbed a few receipts and started to work with them when then Jadzia quickly ran over to him.  

“I wanted to say before, that it’s a shame that he didn’t keep you up all night. Cardassians are supposed to be good at that sort of thing.”

***

It was done, at least for the second half of his shift, and even though it was such a small comment, although he had honestly expected more. Maybe Kira was focusing her aggression on someone else today. Jadzia was sympathizing with him, Ezri was too shy to ask, Worf honestly did not care, and Mr. Sisko? For him this was all child’s play.

Julian slid with relief into the chair.

_Break, and now he’s here..._

_And now? What should I say?_

At that thought Julian became uncomfortable and it felt like an impossibly hard task to explain himself clearly.

The entire time he searched for a conversation segue to lead with, but had very little success.

_Can I just talk about the weather?_

His eyes darted over Garak to take a glance outside. It was already getting dark.

_Okay, new idea! Get through it somehow… he’s here because of you!_

Garak eyed him, somewhat concerned.  “It must be a particularly stressful day today. You look extremely exhausted.”

“Yeah, I am.”

Julian took off his name tag and put it in front of him on the table. His gaze was fixed on the little piece of plastic. His eyes began to slowly close due to exhaustion. _Don’t let yourself do this!_

He tried to rouse himself and grab ahold of the thread of his thoughts once again.

_I have to say something…_

“I don’t think it’ll move itself.”

“What?”

“The nametag, Julian, you can only stare at it for so long.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was lost in my thoughts.”

Garak leaned back and sighed heavily.

“Then I shouldn’t expect a well-thought-out analysis of “Honor and Virtue” today?”

_True, I still need to read that book…_

Julian tore his gaze away from the nametag and looked over at Garak.

_Those eyes, oh god…_

“No, I don’t think that’ll happen today, unfortunately.”

_Hey Garak, great weather outside or what? Actually I’d rather talk about yesterday. I don’t know what I want to say, but I want to talk. Maybe not actually… let’s stick to the weather!_

“We can talk about that at a better time.”

“But of course.” He smiled briefly and again his nametag was worth looking at. It was appealing because it was simple. He poked it with his index finger and let it flip over onto its side.

“Should I go?”

_What?_

“No, why?”

“Maybe you want to be alone. I mean,” said Garak and dropped his voice slightly, “You really look tired. And somehow I can’t help but think that I am not completely innocent in the matter.”

“Because of yesterday?”

“Yes, and because of right now, because perhaps you’d be best somewhere calming as opposed to sitting here with me and playing with your nametag.”

_I must have the charisma of a cactus when I’m tired._

Julian clacked his finger against the nametag one last time and sat up straight.

“Please don’t go. I - I was looking forward to seeing you this whole time. Only…”

Garak waited briefly and decided to finish Julian’s sentence for him.

“You don’t want to talk about it, or do you?”

“It’s not that I don’t have topics to talk about.” - although I would rather leave talking about the weather out of it - Julian had to smile, lightened by the fact that Garak had correctly assessed his state of mind.

“Agreed, I believe since last night that there are a few topics left, but…”

_… it’s all so new right now and in my head there’s just chaos._

“Ah well,” Garak interrupted his thoughts energetically, and woke up Julian with his now louder voice. He leaned over the table towards Julian. “We don’t always have to be talking.”

A moment passed before Julian twisted his lips into a wide smile.

“Would you stay even if I wasn’t saying anything?”

“Of course, my dear, the entire time.”

Julian grabbed his nametag off the table and put it into his bag. “And you won’t get bored?”

“I am here to enjoy your company. And that can also be when we’re not having stimulating discussions about literature. I even treasure this particular conversation we are having at this moment.”

“The others will probably be deeply shocked that we aren’t talking.”  He let his eyes wander briefly towards the counter.

“Well then we should not withhold this scandal from your coworkers then, hm?”

“Whatever do you mean…” Julian laughed, relieved. This man was indescribable.

“So what are we going to do?”

“We are simply going to be silent, my young friend, and simply enjoy the presence of one another.”

“Sounds good, I’ll give it my best,” said Julian happily, as if he was given a test where he already knew all of the answers in advance.

_This is so weird and at the same time so perfect!_

“It seems like you want to talk more.”

“If I did, it’d only be about the weather.”

Garak shook his head, amused.

“The matter is closed, Julian, we are to remain silent.”

It was the weirdest thing Julian had ever done, at least, the weirdest thing he could remember at the moment.

_Right now I’m seeing myself do the oddest things over and over…_

It was his break and he was just looking at Garak, quiet. He smiled or just looked around. Everything was as it should be, he didn’t have to say anything, he was just there. And that was how he wanted it. Now and then they exchanged intimate glances; words couldn’t have transmitted what was going through his head. Then he looked over and saw Kira, who was observing them skeptically.

“They’ve been quiet for twenty minutes,” said Kira with gritted teeth and her hands on her hips.

“Mhm, maybe they are having a relationship crisis,” joked Jadzia.

“No, they don’t look like that…” Worf ran out from behind the two women and shoved two freshly baked pizzas securely into their prepared boxes.

“You’ve been noticing their looks, Worf?” Jadzia pinned him. “You peeping Tom!”

“Not right now, Jadzia, I have to work.” Worf tried to shake his girlfriend off of him.

“Maybe they are planning something.”

“A middle-aged tailor and a young, naive student? Oh no, we’re all in grave danger.”

Jadzia threw herself into Worf’s arms, causing him to trip somewhat.

“Protect me from these two mean men!”

“Jadzia!” He shook his arms again and was again without success.

“I actually see a wicked Cardassian spy and an aspiring doctor who has access to strong narcotics.”

“Do you really think Julian will become a criminal?” asked Ezri as she came to Worf’s aid. She closed both boxes and put them in the insulated pizza delivery bag. “Let him go, sister, we have to do a delivery.”

“I mean, if they are planning something, then they have to bring the right people over to their side. Dukat would make a great start.”

Kira had to snort.

“They aren’t planning anything!” Worf resigned himself to Jadzia’s iron grip and simply just schlepped himself in the direction of the back exit.

“I mean, it’s still weird. They haven’t talked yet!”

“True love doesn’t need words.” Jadzia shot Worf a look full of desire.

“Um…”

“Cardassians and love? Ugh, I’m going to be sick. Thanks, Jadzia.”

“Maybe… they’re just friends. It’s possible.”

“Sorry Ezri, I don’t think so!”

“And I still think they are planning something!”

“Oh, maybe we should get Odo to help. I think that’s a great idea, right, Nerys?”

“Maybe you want to think that something will happen? Kira, honestly, that’s the first step on the road to imagining things…”

“Excuse me?”

“I think we all need to calm down! Ezri and Worf. Get that order out, and as for you two, you have things to do as well.” Mr. Sisko pushed himself into the small group and broke up the impromptu assembly. Worf sighed while Kira threw one last questioning glance in Julian’s direction before resigning herself to follow Mr. Sisko into the working area in the back.

Julian watched this little performance from his place further towards the back of the restaurant. He wasn’t sure of what happened but the way all of them had integrated themselves with each other gave him a familiar feeling, like the feeling of family, that he sorely missed having of his own.

“You have the most lovely, soft facial features, Julian.”

The one being spoken to whipped his head around to look at his conversation partner. Julian was too out of it to counter quickly- he’d relaxed and “powered down” so to speak in the last few minutes.

“I…”

Garak held up his hand and therefore silenced Julian.

“I apologize - I should have not broken the rules.” He winked at the younger man. “Complete silence, correct?”

Julian nodded hesitantly and struggled to say something.

_Anything!_

“Garak, listen,” he started to say bravely, “We-”

“Ah, you should really get back to work, before Ms. Kira or Mr. Sisko say something. Your break’s been over for three minutes.”

_Oh no - what?_

Julian had lost his train of thought again and had to look quickly at the clock above the register.

_Dammit!_

“It was, as always, a very lovely time with you. I thank you for your company.” Garak stood up and straightened his clothing.

_Say something already, Julian-_

“I think we-”

“Doctor, come here please, we have a delivery,” near sang Jadzia and stressed the word “Doctor” especially.

Julian scrambled up and tried to gain control of the situation. “Come on, just a minute!”

Garak nodded politely to him. “Have a pleasant evening, Julian, and a good workday.”

“Wait, we should-”

“Julian!”

“One second!” That came out unexpectedly forceful for his half-awake state.

Garak laid his hand on Julian’s shoulder.

_Oh…_

Julian became slightly dizzy, whether it was due to him quickly standing up, his tiredness, or because of the touch, but he couldn’t clearly assess which it was.

“We will talk another time,” said Garak so sincerely that no more words were needed to convince Julian.

“Okay,” he said, deliberately slow. “Thank you for the break.”

“Gladly.”

Julian gave one last kind look over at his friend as Garak left the restaurant before he headed over towards a let-down Jadzia.  

 

********* 

As  he left DD9 after his shift, he was exhausted. Mentally as well as physically.

“Get used to it, you’ll be a doctor,” commented Mr. Sisko as he dismissed Julian. Julian was not at all pleased by that.

But then again, maybe Mr. Sisko was right.

His friends were going to spend their free night at Quark’s; he refused with relief and headed on home. The need to sleep overwhelmed everything else.

The cool air did the young man some good. He decided to run - the bus only came once an hour at this time - and then he would be at his apartment sooner.

He heard laughing from Quark’s, a small group of Jem’Hadar zoomed by on their motorcycles in the street, and disappeared into a small alleyway.

Julian shouldered his bag. Difficult as always, nothing new. His senses were slumbering but his legs knew the right way to go, and they carried him home.

He shut the door and let his bag slide to the floor. He was home. He ought to actually be studying, but the urge to sleep was too tempting.

Exhausted, he dragged himself to the bathroom and then in bed.

_Finally!_

A few lights from cars driving by outside danced over the walls- _crap, I didn’t shut the curtains, oh well…_ he turned himself halfway on his stomach and gave his pillow a little shove with his fist.

“I should be studying,” he mumbled into the pillow.

“I should be studying and not thinking about him…” He pulled it close to his face.

“Not thinking about Garak…”

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This again, already? Wow…  
> So we’re getting into something more personal here…  
> (Anybody noticing that I can’t really do summaries, right? Sorry!)

The display screen of the smartphone was once again black.

Julian tapped on the screen with determination, swiping it two, three times.

Across the way he could hear Morn as he was greeted, a real reliable regular at Quark’s. Julian glanced up from his phone and waved briefly.

As Morn opened the door to Quark’s Bar, loud chatter came from outside and distracted the young man from his thoughts.

_Is there no good time to be at this bar without tons of people here?_

Julian tilted his head and his eyes rested again onto his cell phone.

The message window was still open, the recipient chosen, but he still had no idea what to actually write.

_Do I still want to do this?_

Behind him the door opened and Jadzia entered.

“You said you needed just ten minutes, are you almost done?” she asked tensely.

“Yeah, be there in a sec.”

“Okay.” She was a little gentler then. “Any longer and I can’t give you any more support.”

Jadzia winked at him - wow, right now she was beautiful to Julian - and vanished back into the restaurant.

The door slammed with an unmistakable clang and acted like a starting signal for Julian.

_Breathe deep, one, two..._

The noise from Quark’s fell silent, the pizza smell lessened somewhat, and a clear thought followed. Now he could finally begin his message.

But instead of being ecstatic to type it out, his fingers still didn’t move.

_Or… what’s the best way to do this?_

The display faded to black again…

It had been twelve days since his first date with Garak. Julian was feeling very uncomfortable about this time span - it was like the calm before the storm. One expected that something would happen, the next step would either be forward or back. In the days after their date it became clear to the young man that he couldn’t make that step, he’d liked it too much before.

First step of the plan - leave everything as it was.

_Should I write something or just go by his shop…_

He swiped impatiently with his right thumb on the display screen and the light flashed back on.

But leaving all as it was didn’t work as it should. It was more of a temporary solution but after three days, it wasn’t working anymore.

“Ugh.”

He breathed deeply.

_All or nothing._

He wanted more from Garak. More time than just break time. This “wanting more” feeling was the one that upset him. How exactly did the word “want” connect with question at large? _What do I want, exactly?_

He decided

He decided to just limit his definition now to spending “more time” with Garak.

_But how am I supposed to do that, and how should I write that?_

His university studies were lately delegated as a side matter. He loved nothing more than his medical studies, true. It was his dream since he could remember to become a doctor and help people.

And it still is…

But for the first time he had to admit that he was very distracted from his major goal. Not the “I don’t want to study, I’d rather play video games” sort of distraction, but rather “I can only think about him” sort of distraction.

It was clear- he had to do something!

Jadzia had mentioned that a study group would help collect his thoughts and give him better concentration. Julian knew that he didn’t need that. He was clever, damned smart even.

It sounded so awful, maybe others would had preferred if he wasn’t so smart – even more so than that, if he had been at a study group, his presence would have been irreplaceable.

_But what good is all of your intelligence if you can’t even write this stupid message!_

Julian was already a minute over the time limit, either he would have to do it now or a very angry Mr. Sisko would tear him away every second during his goal to write it.

_I had thought this through!_

He actually had. He had packed his bag, looked up the bus connections, everything worked.

_So, let’s do this_.

“Hi Garak, my shift isn’t going on so long today and I figured, as long as you don’t mind, I would spend tonight studying with you. Can I come by around 8 pm? Just let me know.

Cheers,

Julian”

_Please don’t have him ask why I want to go to him!_

Julian didn’t read the message any more- had he done that before, he likely would’ve never had clicked send.

He had thought it would have calmed him, but his heart was still beating fast, now it was just a waiting game.

_I can’t just run away from this…_

He breathed deeply twice. This time, however, the noises from outside him did not lessen. He entered DD9 again to see Jadzia standing expectantly there, hands on her hips.

***

Garak didn’t ever think about being easily accessible by others and in that way so out in the open and obvious. During his time with the Order, he had to be available to be contacted at all times, but never with such a shrieking ring that his cell phone was making.

_Either mute it or get rid of it, Elim!_

After a few more aimed stitches into the fine fabric that he was working on, he took the electronic device into his hand. A skeptical look followed, and then he opened the message.

_Well, would you look at that-_ he had not thought at all that this number would be used so quickly.

Five days ago he had given Julian his number - It was more like handed over on an impulse.

Julian wanted to urgently show him a video that he had gotten from O’Brien. The video? It wasn’t anything Earth-shattering, and Garak would be lying if he said he remembered what it was about.

What was much more interesting was what followed after the video. He had watched it three times. But instead of putting his attention on the little video, it was much more wonderful to see Julian laugh each time.

And if that little video made this pretty young man beam, then Garak would watch it for him a hundred times!

Julian was in good spirits after and very euphoric and suggested that they exchange numbers. “What do you think if we gave each other our cell numbers? That could be useful.”

And before Garak could politely refuse, Julian’s smartphone was suddenly right in his face.

“Here’s mine!”

The Cardassian was still unsure if Julian had planned this or it just sprang to mind for him.

_I am leaning towards the latter..._

Despite all of that, it was still hard for Garak to play with the idea that Julian really would contact him.

_Am I overlooking something? Oh Elim, don’t start imagining things…_ Garak warned himself in his thoughts, but he was still torn back and forth.

It was like a warm summer day in Cardassia when he was with Julian. His skin felt warmer, he smiled, he forgot everything, above all the sad and questionable things that he had once done.

On these days he allowed himself to take a step forward. He was briefly himself, for one short moment.

Garak was never allowed to risk sharing too much of what lie inside of him, to risk being weak. Julian, however, forced him to become weak. It was done in such a way that he himself could not understand how to fight it. And if Garak was being honest, he was always filled again with hope - so fighting it would seem unrealistic for him.

Garak regarded the message. He read it at least three times, exactly as many times as he had to see that amusing video.

At best he would have written Julian so much, wanted to allow himself to show his longing for the student. But he wanted to be a gentleman, not pushy.

_I’m seriously sitting here pondering over a message that will be maximum maybe three sentences._

Garak had to laugh a bit, as he was already quite aware how Julian rattled his composure.

“Good day Julian, it would be lovely to have you come by. 8 pm works well.

Best wishes,

Garak”

He switched his cell phone on silent or completely off, now that he knew that Julian would write to him. He set it next to him in the immediate vicinity.

Whether or not he got a reply, the fact was still close to him that, because of the message, that this handsome man would visit his apartment tonight, and that made Garak happy on all accounts.

 

***

Julian invested all of his energy into the really important things today.

His shift in DD9 was forced to be important, at least, indispensable for his wallet. It got better after he read Garak’s reply. The orders were easy and quickly dispensed with, there was tip money, and he cleaned the front room to Mr. Sisko’s satisfaction.

The trip to the bus stop was perfectly timed, everything was going according to plan.

Julian skimmed over his notes for university on the ride, as his studies were without doubt also very important. The hastily scrawled sentences seemed to make some sort of sense, even if just a little.

_Maybe with some work on them I could have a decent basis for the upcoming exam!_

The important things seemed to fall under the same umbrella today. _No, even better!_ He grinned victoriously. His time with Garak was possibly the most important for him today.

And that time would be a decisive move. It was the first step, the next step, that he had started.

And even when his thoughts became a little strange, he calmed them with “Everyone goes to spend an evening with a friend”.

Sure, Miles and him spent evenings playing video games, drinking or just relaxing, but this here was definitely, fundamentally something else.

His bag was full of notes, books, occasionally DD9 items, and they became lighter as he went up the couple of steps to Garak’s apartment building.

The young man pulled his shoulders in and unknowingly made himself somewhat smaller. Everything seemed so classy. This building had a completely different atmosphere than his simple apartment building. In his one slept, ate, zoned out as long as possible until there was a reason to get out. Here the people seemed to really _live_. There were little gardens out front, the cars seemed clean and definitely more expensive than where he lived!

He pressed his lips together, unbeknownst to him, as he thought that perhaps as a doctor he would live so well.

Thoughts about his life after his studies seemed so unrealistic that it was easy to busy himself with fantasies as he arrived at Garak’s door. The description the Cardassian had given was so precise that even in the dark he could have found it.

Julian knocked relatively timidly on the expensive-looking door.

All of his other friends definitely would not have heard that! In Worf’s apartment, the music would have been too loud, O’Brien would have been talking with Keiko or drowned out by Molly’s laughter, and Jadzia and Ezri would have ignored him for the fun of it.

At Nerys’ place… _I would not even want to knock…_

However it didn’t matter anyway, as his arrival was expected here.

As his friend opened the door - the time waiting before that seemed endless - Julian’s heart gave a little leap.

“Good evening, Julian.”

“Evening, Garak.”

Garak politely led Julian inside and the student briefly hesitated after taking his first few steps into Garak’s apartment. The doorway felt like something of an invisible barrier. The young man slowly began to become less nervous. Curious, Julian let his gaze wander around the area.

Already from the hallway one could tell that Garak was a man that was careful to adhere to cleanliness, propriety, and order.  

The rest of the apartment gave off the exact same impression: simple, proper, clean, and classy. It seemed too perfect - there were no personal items to be seen.

He was stunned, let himself roam in the room for a bit, and then was stunned again. After brief consideration, he settled herself into a really large and comfy couch in the living room.

“Would you like something to drink?”

“Ah, no, thank you.”

_I’m really here!_

“Then I wish you success in your studying. Call for me if you need anything.”

_Wow!_

Garak left the impressed man behind, unsure of Julian had actually heard him before.

It was not easy to leave a whole room’s distance between him and Julian, as the student was in his apartment, but Garak was sure that it was necessary.

He had to study…

Julian should feel comfortable and safe. Garak only knew too well what was generally said about Cardassians. Whatever doubts Julian had about this visit, he should be allowed to just forget them.

To make the withdrawal from the alluring man easier, Garak had knowingly set up a few tasks to accomplish beforehand. The kitchen was in an unacceptable state and he had to alter that.

Despite that, he left the door to the kitchen open, and now and then cast curious glances at the other man in his apartment.

After Julian had absorbed the many new impressions he had gathered, he hesitantly picked up his bag. Now it was heavy again and the notes were just as hard to understand as this morning.

He shoved the other things aside and chose his notes and two books out of his backpack. A meager selection, normally he studied with at least four books and his laptop.

But that was under other circumstances.

It took a moment before Julian flipped open the paper pad to start studying, but after that it went surprisingly well. The scribbled sentences became clear rather quickly and the task was relatively easily accomplished.

The fruit bowl was again meticulously put in its place by Garak in the kitchen. Everything around him shone and portrayed an immaculate image.

After an hour his work was officially completed. What still held him to the kitchen, however, was like the hint of nervousness at thoughts of Julian in the next room.

He rolled his eyes at himself.

_Escaping in menial tasks will not help you!_

_Pathetic…_

He let go of the idea of moving the bowl to another place and hesitantly entered the living room.

What Garak saw pleased him.

Julian was sitting on his couch, in his apartment.

He had squished himself in the left corner of the giant piece of furniture, leaning against a pillow, sitting cross-legged and poring intensely over his books.

A few locks of hair had fallen into his face and his pretty eyes scanning quickly over the sentences in his book. Garak could clearly see how the vital spirit of the young man devoured new knowledge.

The Cardassian experienced a rush of feelings in that moment that he more or less controlled.

He wanted to approach Julian in a soft and gentlemanly manner. One that would excite him. That would magic a smile onto Julian’s lips, arrange it so that he could lean against him and feel the warmth of the Terran.

Inconveniently Garak had to also admit that in that moment, this proposed plan of action, while having noble intentions, was also definitely sexually motivated.

“Wow, that was really good.”

Julian’s happy voice broke the silence. Another problem solved, and he triumphantly closed his hand into a fist.

“You seemed to be coming along well there.”

The student turned towards the door behind him.

_When did he…?_

“Garak,” said Julian somewhat distractedly and realized, again, that he was in Garak’s apartment.

“Yes, my dear?”

The young man turned himself quickly around. A wide, beaming smile crossed over his lips.

If it wasn’t too sappy, completely unmanly, and therefore of course totally not an option for Julian, the student would have compared himself to a puppy that had been finally glanced at by his master after waiting for so long.

“I thought you had forgotten me,” teased Julian.

“Please, Julian, I am a Cardassian, we are exemplary hosts.”

Julian raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Sure, and every Bajoran agrees with you.”

“You study medicine, let’s not make this political.”

Garak left his formerly good spot of observation and headed closer to Julian, trying to put his thoughts into action.

The other man followed him attentively with brown eyes, as Garak sat - with an absolutely proper distance between them - to the right of him. “I hope, if you don’t mind, if I can stay here for a while.”

Garak expected Julian to encourage him to stay- he was correct.

“I would be happy if you stayed here,” said Julian sincerely and himself felt content with the situation.

“I will not in any way distract you from your studies.”

_That was an overly simplified proposal, Garak!_  

Julian let his arm hang over the backrest of the couch and leaned his head against it. He was trying to convey a truly innocent impression to Garak.

“Why, what do you mean?”

Garak knowingly ignored Julian’s offended undertone.

“I’ll read a book here, as long as it won’t disturb you.”

Julian had to laugh. “Garak,” he said with a touch of confusion in his voice.

“What is it?” responded the older man and acted outraged at Julian’s arrogance. “Sometimes I do believe that Terrans are fairly complicated.”

“If one looks at the Cardassian society, a people who differentiate themselves in many ways from the majority of people living in the Alpha neighborhood, I would believe that Cardassian qualities are more complicated.”

He finished his sentence with an inquisitive gesture with his pencil in Garak’s direction.

“Diversification can make it all very exciting, correct? In many areas homogeneity can truly become tedious,” commented Garak dryly.

“That... ah, yeah, I agree with you.” Julian lowered the pencil and went back to his studying position. “Change can be very stimulating.”

Garak nodded in agreement to that statement.

“It is nice that you are still receptive to these ideas, considering what the general option of Cardassian society is.”

“Of course, either way it is very interesting,” he said, trying to downplay his fascination for Garak’s country and people. In reality he had recently looked up and read more about Cardassian customs more than any other ethnic group.

And not just in an advanced medicinal aspect. And the more strange, eerie, and violent the Cardassian societal structure was, the more pulled in he felt.  

_Fascination of the unknown… I should really worry more about my studies…_

“You know that I really like the literature…” This was the truth - what Julian left out, however, was that he had been reading boring, thick Cardassian books on interrogation methods. The dominance and methods with which they used in the interrogation chambers both terrified and exhilarated the young man.

To imagine Garak in such a position was not as hard as he wished it to be.

Sometimes, and just for moments, Julian wanted to ask, above all, what Garak was before. How did he survive Bajor’s occupation? What was his role in it?

_Am I scared of the answers, or that knowledge that I could live with them?_

The question had come to Julian before as well, when he was thinking about his relationship with his friend. More than likely his subconscious knew it would have to make a difficult decision and make everything harder.

The person sitting across from him said something. Julian had to bring himself back to the situation at hand, drawing himself out of the narrow, dark interrogation rooms that had manifested before his eyes.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Excuse me?” Julian shrugged his shoulders, clueless.

“You didn’t hear me, did you?”

“Um… okay, caught.” He looked down, embarrassed, at the stack of books on his lap. “Today I also want to definitely get to talk about your book recommendations.”

Garak stood up, leaving the conversation that he was unsure of how to distract Julian from and lead elsewhere.

Julian’s eyes tracked the other man, how he rested his hand next to a book laid off to the right. He peered at Garak over the edge of his notebook to study Garak’s face in profile more closely.

Between one or two of his tasks he had flicked his eyes up to glance at this fascinating man.

_How long had he lived here? What were his favorite foods?_

Julian quickly banished the thoughts.

_Later! Gotta study now..._

But Garak, and the looks he was getting, were a tremendous motivation for him. Now and then Garak would catch Julian looking up and return the gaze sincerely. Whatever the reason, when it happened, the pillow because more comfortable, his homework easier, and his cheeks warmer.

“Okay, done.”

Julian laid his notepad and book gently on the high-class glass table in front of him. He stretched himself for a moment.

“Very good.” Garak closed the book he had.

Julian relaxed, falling back against the back of the couch. _Wow, this couch is super soft! It must have cost a fortune…_ He looked to his right, seeing Garak in the corner of his eye.

“May I make you something to eat before you go?”

Julian angled his leg in and settled himself so that he was sitting across from Garak with more posture than before.

“I, um, I had thought that I might stay for a bit more.”

“At 12:30 at night?”

“What?”

After a quick glance at the wall clock, which surprisingly was in Julian’s vision the whole time, the meaning of the fact sank in.

“Oh no, I hadn’t realized how the time flew.”

“Please don’t misunderstand me - you are welcome to stay as long as you like. I will not refuse the company of such a handsome and charming young man, no matter the time of day.”

Julian started to smile.

“But I would be terribly distraught if your performance at your studies began to slip because of the fact that I held you here so late at night.”

Julian knew a thousand ways to answer that question, but in the moment, to leave them all silent seemed to be the best option. Not because he wanted to go home, not because he was very tired, but because he didn’t know how it would end, and if he was ready for the way things could end tonight.

Garak knew that he wouldn’t get an answer. It was completely understandable and expected. The slight red around Julian’s nose, which shimmered through his dark skin, made asking the question worth it.

“Mhm, I should go then.” Julian had to laugh lightly after he said it. He was a man that otherwise would’ve taken this opportunity to flirt more - unbelievable.

Garak didn’t let Julian know that he would have gladly let him stay longer- he didn’t want to push his luck with the situation, after all. He helped Julian gather his things and carried his backpack to the door.

The student started to feel the effects of his exhaustion. Light burned into his eyes, and luckily Garak’s hallway only had a small lamp, which made it bearable.

_Ugh, I am so tired, but…_

“Thank you for everything, Garak.” He took his bag from the Cardassian.

_But totally happy._

“You are sure that I can’t drive you?”

“Completely, it’s only a few bus stops away. I get home later often enough as it is.”

“Ah, I can truly imagine that.”

“Maybe you’ll get to experience it too.” In his exhaustion Julian let some of the desire for his friend slip into his voice.

Garak retrieved Julian’s jacket for him and helped him in it.

“Wow, thanks. You are a true gentleman.”

The Cardassian grinned, pleased. “Don’t exaggerate now, Julian, I already said that we are wonderful hosts.”

“So then…” said Julian as he hefted his bag over his shoulder. _Heavy, and I’m tired… but Garak!_ _Totally worth it._

“This was…” He stammered as the older man stepped closer to him.

Julian noted that it wasn’t so much that he had stumbled into the conversation as much as led himself there with his earlier comments. Garak was so close to him that he could almost kiss him, and Julian was deeply confused by his uncertainty on how to respond. In his head his thoughts were racing. He felt the urge to step back but was also torn to stay where he was. His fatigue made it difficult for the normally alert student to find the right response, so he chose in the end to just wait.

Tense and unsure, Julian looked up into the eyes gazing back at him.

Garak noted the dilemma in Julian’s eyes and let a little more time slip by before his next action.

_Oh, is he not gorgeous?_

As the Cardassian raised his hands to Julian’s collar to straighten it, the younger man realized just how unbelievably stupid he was being.

“Much better - I’ll let you out now,” Garak beamed at Julian.

“Um, thanks.” Julian tried to catch his breath. _What kind of a lame hero I am…_ “And I-” he tried to resume talking with concentrated effort, “I want to thank you for letting me be here.”

“Anytime. I thank you for your company.”

For a brief moment they both stayed where they were, just because.

Julian was unsure of whether or not he wanted to say something.

He wanted to!

_Anything… but what?_

He closed his eyes and breathed out.

_Dammit - it doesn’t matter._

He nodded, smiled politely, and opened the door. A last “until tomorrow” and he left Garak’s apartment, and headed towards the bus stop.

Wow, what a rather unspectacular evening! At least, objectively so.

The cool wind swept through Julian’s thin jacket and despite his fatigue, his heavy bag, and the weather it seemed like absolutely no issue to wait out the bus for 40 minutes. It was even a good thing. He had made it so, put his foot down. Garak would not drive him.

_And I was just sitting next to him and yet… it made him really happy._

Julian leaned his head back and thought happily about his unspectacular but still successful evening.

For the first time he didn’t need to go to the movies, have a romantic dinner, or be at a loud club to have fun with someone. Even just being with the other person made it fun.

Julian pulled the collar of his jacket straight again.

_How can someone do something so boring and make it feel so good?_

Far ahead it became somewhat brighter, and after a few seconds Julian was briefly blinded by the headbeams of the bus.

He carefully took a few steps onto the nearly empty bus and sat himself down in the back area. Head against the backrest, eyelids heavy, and head full of thoughts. But rarely did he ever feel so comfortable as he did in that moment.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thank everyone that’s read this far! (Yeah, I know it’s not a summary, but as already stated, it’s not my thing ;D )   
> Have fun! ^^ Thanks to Phillip and Claudia for supporting me!

As Julian raised his head, blinking lightly against the warm light that filled the room. It came from a small lamp in the right corner of the large living room, right next to three roomy bookshelves.

In his sleep he had twisted himself around somewhat to see Garak on the couch next to his desk, framed against the light source. Julian squinted his eyes slightly as he sat up.

_Oh…_

The blanket slid off of him, needing no help.

_Garak must have laid that on me when I was sleeping._ He blinked again at his friend.

“Sleep well?” asked the Cardassian with a lightly amused tone and turned towards Julian.

Julian sluggishly dragged his eyes to the clock. The hands were blurry as he struggled with the realization that he was still half-asleep. “Yeah, but you should have woken me up.”

It was either 10:40 or 11:40, it was difficult to make out which, especially with his eyes still slightly stuck closed. And it didn’t really matter anyway, what time it was, it was either bad or very bad.

“You said you wanted to sleep, my dear.”

“Yeah, I said that at 8, and that was only for a few minutes.” The young man threw himself against the back of the couch, groaning loudly. “Oh, Garak, do you know what this means? I have so much to study now!”

Garak was enjoying Julian’s sleepy state. He had looked so innocent, even when he was upset. His hair was lightly mussed and his eyes flickered in a dreamlike state over his books.

How Garak would have loved to have been the reason for Julian’s exhaustion…

_But a gentleman remains silent and enjoys the show, Elim._

But it was not as easy to hold himself back as he would have liked. Still, besides the thrilling aspect of being near to Julian, it was soothing to watch him sleep.

It was this indescribable feeling that other people seemed to have that he craved. Julian seemed so be so tranquil when he slept, like his inner peace was manifesting itself. And if Garak remained completely still, he could hear Julian’s slow and calm breathing, which was otherwise drowned out by the ticking of the clock. Garak was already playing with the thought of simply being with the young man again, and would perhaps like even more from Julian.

“Do you need something, Julian?”

Julian was still staring off slightly into the space next to him. As Garak caught this fuzzily confused and sleepy look, he felt a flash of delight.

“Maybe three more hours of time.” Julian found it a terrible crime that he had slept so well and now had to study even more now.   _Unfair!_

He twisted his mouth, displeased, and pouted. The blanket under his hands shifted slightly. Garak pulled it towards himself and folded it carefully.

Now slightly less blinded by the light, Julian’s thoughts became clearer. He unsuccessfully went over his university schedule in his head for tomorrow. _Crap… how am I supposed to do it all tonight?_

“You learn best when you are rested, don’t worry about it, Julian.” Garak’s warm voice enveloped his mind and rested his thoughts - luckily - about his classes tomorrow.

“But I have a really important exam coming up…” Julian’s voice sounded soft and powerless.

The Cardassian set himself down next to the young man. For a brief moment, he thought of taking Julian’s hand and stroking his back reassuringly to show the student that he was there for him. _Get a grip, Elim… you’ve got to get ahold of yourself…_

Julian didn’t appear to notice any of the inner struggle from Garak. Everything was so stressful for him. He snuggled deeper into the couch and closed his eyes.

The sofa was too temptingly soft, the apartment too quiet, and the presence of Garak relaxing. Okay, the ticking of the clock was annoying, but other than that…

“Everything is just stupid, I think.”

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but you’re very sweet, Julian.”

“Hm, I am, aren’t I?” Julian remarked half-heartedly, but failed to move or get up. Garak smiled, amused at Julian’s actions.

“Do you want to keep sleeping?”

“Yeah.” _What a question!_ “But I can’t. I have to study now.” Where the energy for the next movement came from, Julian couldn’t say.  The pressure was simply too much that, in his condition, he couldn’t have resisted it.   

He threw a hasty look at Garak before he languidly crawled over to him and leaned decisively agaisnt his friend. It was a small gesture that he only had considered doing a few days ago.

At first he was unsure of how he himself would react to being this close to Garak. It was only for a brief moment as he laid his head on Garak’s shoulder, but that moment was long enough to make him dependent on his position. He was here, next to Garak, and could savor this closeness, maybe even for hours.

_His scent, his warmth…_

“Julian…”

_Ah, his voice!_

“This isn’t studying.”

“Oh but clearly it is!” He scooted to position himself better on the cushion, pulled his legs in, and angled himself more towards the other man.

“I really must state for the record that I in no way support your actions at the moment,” commented Garak softly. He didn’t need to say that it felt completely normal and natural for Julian to be closer to him than a book. They both knew it.

“Understood.”

Garak looked at Julian closing his eyes, and waited a moment for the student began to breathe slowly and calmly before he carefully threaded his hand through Julian’s hair. _Ah._

It was discreet movement, but one with larger and much more pleasing implications than it would suggest. Julian’s heart started beating harder at the thought of how close he was to Garak, and his breath became faster and shallower, but this made Garak even surer of his actions than before.

“When should I wake you?”

Julian turned himself around again, folding himself even more into Garak’s chest. His eyes flickered open briefly to adjust to his position better and left Garak no other choice than to wrap his arms around the young man.

That… was new. Newly discovered and already he found it good. Julian nodded on the inside and grinned to himself.

“When does the last bus come?” he murmured, almost inaudibly, into Garak’s chest. Garak had to repress a pleasant shiver as the warmth of the other rose up through his shirt.

“Shouldn’t I drive you?”

“Can I sleep here instead?”

Again Garak felt Julian’s warmth on his chest. Unsure of what the younger man actually wanted, he let the ball roll into Julian’s court. “If you would like to do so.”

“Can I?” This time Julian lifted his head and sleepily blinked up at him. _He was actually being serious…_

“Do you honestly believe that I would say no?”

Julian’s head sank back down to Garak’s chest as if on command.

“I think I’ll stay.”

 

***

 

What a night! Yeah, normally Julian would say that after a nice girl had come over for a pleasant visit. But this time it was something entirely different. He had slept next to Garak, well, more like dozed, and the sofa was so soft, and the presence of the other was so wonderful - it was only after a few hours that the couch became uncomfortable.

His neck hurt, it shifted about in the back -

_Oh my god! That stupid clock and the freaking_ ticking-

_But hey! I slept with Garak!_

_Sort of, at least._

_On him! Okay, half on him!_

And now he at university today, not having studied at all, without really having slept well, but nevertheless he had an unbelievably happy and beautiful feeling in his stomach.

Next time, it had to be in the bed.

“Hm, it’s good that I’m somewhat clever, then.” Julian smiled arrogantly at the test instructions that he had been given. Despite the out-of-the-ordinary course it was going over, he had been able to solve most of the questions with ease.

“Sometimes you are frankly disgusting, Bashir.” Jack shot Julian a disparaging side-eye. “The next time you say something like that, I’ll possibly throw up on you.”

“Please let it go, Jack, and focus on your test,” hissed Sarina and threateningly squeezed her pen in her fist.

Julian found this all extremely entertaining. It didn’t seem as important as it should have. It was actually kind of a like a bad movie… His mind was more or less still switched off.

It was the same at his shift at DD9 - everything just seemed less tense.

And while he cheerfully worked through his shift (at least, that was his personal view) his mood wasn’t making Kira happy at all.  

“Julian, please try to concentrate. Why on Earth is your head so in the clouds today?”

_Is it really so unusual that I daydream a bit during work? I figure everyone does it. Two years I’ve been here! It shouldn’t have caused a fuss… what’s up with her?_

“Yeah… Julian, you’ve definitely changed in the past few weeks. normally you’re overenthusiastic and freaking out and talk a lot, but recently you’ve been… different.” Jadzia fixed Julian with an uncomfortably vague look as she spoke.

_What? But that’s a good thing! Is it a crime to try and be more mature? That’s what they always wanted anyway._

“Whatever makes you happy, Bashir. As long as he’s good to you.” Worf loosely shrugged his shoulders and shoved his headphones back onto his ears.

_What are they even talking about? No one made a scene about Jadzia and Worf. Is this because Garak is Cardassian?_

“Can we talk about something else other than him? I’m already getting nightmares about this whole Cardassian drama. Ugh, Julian, Molly’s going to be in school soon and I have no idea how to…”

_Seriously, what is going on with them? What is their deal? Or… actually, what is my deal? Have I really been so different lately?_ And as Miles was telling Julian about all the details of how he fixed the elevator again, he took the time for self-reflection.

_Okay, so let’s see…_

Most of his relationships, actually all of his former relationships, were fairly shallow. Most, and Julian was a bit ashamed to admit, were just about sex. He was good at it, he knew what he was doing with that. He could say all of the right things that the other wanted to hear, do the right things that other wanted done. A little flirting, using his looks to his advantage, and then it was done and done and he had succeeded once again.

But relationships were something else, he didn’t stay interested long, he said something wrong, seemed too immature. And if it was anything more than shallow, then it failed fairly early on. Jadzia wasn’t interested in him, Sarina neither. What else was left there so that he wouldn’t be left alone?

Just sex, a good feeling, and then this emptiness. He was in his early twenties and that kind of life was starting to disappoint him. _Maybe because I’ve just had too much of it?_

However he could describe the relationship between him and Garak, it was in any case fantastic. They didn’t have just senseless sex and then an abrupt split. For the first time in Julian’s life he felt like a whole person with a partner and not just the “lover”. It made him feel fulfilled.

“Julian, can you help me put together this delivery?”

“Sure Ezri, be right there.”

She glanced shyly over at him, her eyes flickering up over him, and she flushed pink. She was really very sweet. And it would be so easy… so trusting. You can do it Julian, just _this_. This is what you’re good at.

He set the utensils in the box and helped Ezri bring it to the Defiant.

_But I want to be a good partner, not just a good lay..._

 

***

Julian laid his book next to him - he’d studied enough this evening. He’d really stuck to his schedule tonight.

Studying, work, and Garak.

“Done, Julian?”

“Yup, everything.”

Julian looked over at his friend.

“What are you reading?” He leaned gently against Garak, glancing at the book. It actually didn’t matter at the moment what he was reading. As exciting as the literature they read together was, it was more beautiful and exciting to uncover new sides of their relationship.

Namely, this closeness. Namely… this peace.

The clock was a factor now - it would have likely woken Julian up had he decided to fall asleep again on the sofa with Garak. It would be simpler in the bed. But that word, bed, he had avoided it. It was difficult - incredibly, in fact.

Julian had begun to pack fresh clothes with him nearly each time he would visit Garak, knowing that he would most likely sleep there. But even then it was always on the couch, never the bed. Julian felt more and more pulled towards Garak and Garak had to know, that Julian wanted to sleep next to him. It was becoming a sort of ritual between the two of them.

It was awkward, yes, in fact it was somewhat absurd, no question. But it couldn’t be done any other way.

_The playboy avoiding the bed? Am I actually starting to become more of a… partner?_

“Garak?”

Julian wasn’t expecting any sort of verbal response. Garak gently stroked the student’s back once to show that he had heard.

“Next time… we should sleep in the bed.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha! Here I can actually write something. ;D So I’m working in a theme here that is easily adaptable from DS9 to DD9. I found it had worked really well in other fanfics, so I took a bunch of pages out of their books. For a really successful and comprehensive example of what I mean, I direct you to the fanfic ‘Disconnect’ http://archiveofourown.org/works/937980/chapters/1827172 by Tinsnip and Lady Yate-xel. Have fun! :)
> 
> [Translator's note: This chapter has a "flashback" element to it, so it will switch between a past event and present musings on it. I tried to show this through italics, but since I normally use italics for inner thoughts as well, it might get confusing. Let me know if I can do any sort of editing to make the flashback vs the present clearer. Thanks! -stifledlaughter]

Garak shifted two books from left to right on the book shelf. It didn’t make it any better. _Elim, this is irrelevant!_

His gaze flickered to the clock by the window. The weather outside was cloudy and gray.

_At least it wasn’t raining._

Garak skimmed over his to-do list set before him.  Everything that needed to be done had been done, even his commissions for next week were done.

_And now?_

He clambered to his feet. He tossed one of the senselessly moved books into his bag in his working area and flipped off the lights. He decided to close the shop up for the night, although it didn’t really make a difference at this point.

_And soon I’ll be out in that chill weather outside._

Garak then hesitated. _And Julian’s break doesn’t start for another 30 minutes..._

Something was making his movements sluggish today, tense even, different than usual. Julian was of course one of the reasons why. Garak sighed as he took his coat in hand and glanced once more outside. _Perhaps I should refuse to go out today… But Julian…._

At this thought the tailor pursed his lips tightly together.

_Yes, “Julian”! It’s always Julian. Oh Elim, you are a lost cause._

He shrugged on his coat, thinking, and started to button it up. The material it was made from felt good on him; the coat kept warmth on the inside and fit perfectly. _Perhaps fewer chocolates might keep it that way…_ From chocolates his mind went to Julian, and that’s where it stayed as the Cardassian gave up and let his thoughts unfold. The plan to restrain his thoughts to give them time to be separated and categorized simply wasn’t working as it should.

But his relationship with Julian was marked by recent events that were demanding to be sorted. _You can’t take it, can you…_

Garak’s impression of these events swung from “these are overwhelming me” to “this is perfect timing”.

The young man had come into his life in a rather unspectacular way, definitely not in a way that could have hinted at how deep this relationship would become. How could it be that he, a former higher-up and well-known member of the Obsidian Order fell into this simple and predictable romance? _Honestly, Elim, it’s rather pathetic…_

He straightened his sleeve before he reached out for his scarf.  In a terrifying way, normal life seemed to plod on for Garak.  And that felt unbelievably good. Yes, he was a tailor. That was somewhat normal, if demanding work, but it didn’t take terribly much out of him. There were days when his shop disgusted him. Sometimes even his apartment, sterile and boring, he just didn’t function well as “normal”.

At least, he hadn’t really ever had functioned well as normal before…

For a while after he was exiled, he had wished for an old “friend” to come by and finish him. The hope faded each day for the former Obsidian Order agent. Had he become so worthless that he didn’t even merit a murder anymore? What was left of his former influence? The punishment of being forced to live in exile was worse than being murdered by a former colleague.

Garak was sure that no interrogation, no agony could last as long as his eternal exile. The result was that he had to adapt. He had to fit himself into a structure that he despised and never had wanted to live in. Greeting neighbors, paying taxes, go to a normal job and slog through a normal life. He would be painfully denied the adventures and glory of dying heroically for Cardassia.

“Normal” was never for him, it didn’t suit him, it was a bland life without direction or end goals. That is, until the day he first spent a break with Julian.

Garak wrapped his scarf around his neck, consciously straightening it after. The expensive fabric brushed softly against his neck and provided the needed warmth as he headed out into the unkind weather.

 _Julian needs one of these…_ He allowed himself a smile and then returned to his thoughts.

Suddenly he was this normal man, with normal problems, and it worked for Garak. A little bit too well, actually, he would never have thought that Julian would have taken to him so quickly. At the beginning Garak openly flirted with the young man to see when he would back down, when Julian would no longer be interested. But that didn’t actually happen. There were plenty of moments where the Cardassian was sure Julian would shy away from him. Garak had to then realize that he had miscalculated - to his shock, Julian was still interested in him, although he showed it in a roundabout way.

And Julian matched him step-for-step in their interactions. The Cardassian was starting to think that Julian was just waiting on _him_ to back down...

It was like a game.

One that Garak was eager to play.

There were several aspects to the game that Garak felt clear on. The physical aspects wouldn’t really be an issue. What was harder were the aspects that dealt with Garak personally. How close would Garak allow Julian to get to his “real” self (if such a thing existed - Garak himself wasn’t sure).

He couldn’t and frankly didn’t want to answer that question.

However yesterday the question reared its head when Julian found a bottle carelessly left on the table.

_“What’s this, Garak?”_

_Julian held the little plastic bottle in his hand, the two tiny blue pills clattering around inside. His question was not accusing, without ulterior motives, and rather casual._

But Garak barely held his composure together at that moment. In his thoughts he was punishing himself for being so careless and for having left those pills out in the open. Normal was bad for him, it made him… thoughtless.

Earlier today, Garak had just made his first step into his shop and was bitterly musing on the transition from outside to inside.

 _Having to go out into the cold gray weather and then into a sticky pizzeria… Again with these contradictions! Where_ is _spring?..._ the joy of the season hadn’t quite settled in yet, there only remained memories of what was before.

_“It is nothing, Julian, just some medicine.” Oh, what luck that the contents were not labeled!_

_“Aha!” Julian held up the bottle with interest._

**_He’s studying to be a doctor, Elim, you don’t think he would just let something like this go?_ **

_Had he snatched the bottle away, it would have been too fast, or emphatically made a point about it, Julian would have noticed something was up._

_Keeping his composure, at the moment, was Garak’s greatest challenge. He shoved his hands into the soft pockets of his coats._

**_Breathe, Elim, just breathe…_ **

_“And what’s the medicine for?”_

_“Headaches.”_

_Julian froze briefly before he widened his eyes. “Elim Garak?”_

_A shock and discomfort followed the question. Garak merely nodded at this comment from Julian._

**_It’s too much, this man has seen too much of me already…_ **

_And even just hearing that name again…_

_“Is this your first name?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“You don’t ever use it.” Julian peered at him questioningly._

_“Is that important?”_

_“You call me Julian, so I would say, yes…”_

_“I am not particularly fond of it.”_

Actually, he simply didn’t identify really with this name anymore. To take it back would imply he was regaining some of the normality that had been lost during his time in the Obsidian Order. This name, he had come to learn, was a liability. It was a part of his “real” self that he had learned to shy away from, reject. It was toneless, bland, and extraneous. Hadn’t he had one hundred other names? Why should he take the first back? It didn’t fit in the moment, tie him to the present.

Garak kept standing. He glanced outside of the shop to the other side of the street to see the huge lights of Quarks. A small group of Jem’Hadar partied inside.

_Do you really want that? Do you want to hear that name again tonight?_

But maybe… Julian would be allowed to say it.

 _Maybe, but…_ Garak did consider Julian the brightest part of his life. _Yes, of course._

Garak made himself dizzy scrubbing that stupid name off of the unnecessary receipt Julian had given him. They had taken years off of his life in the Order and now he was stuck with this little bit of normality, this name.

_“‘Elim’... I like it.” The way that Julian said it made Garak’s mouth open slightly, catching a breath of air. The younger man set down the pills - thank god - he would never, ever be that careless again! - and grinned from ear to ear._

_“Can’t you forget it?”_

_“But of course not.”_

_Garak’s displeasure at this showed blatantly on his face, but that’s what drew Julian in. “Don’t worry, I promise not to tell anyone else, but only if…” Garak loved the way that Julian came closer to him while he paused his sentence, “only if I’m allowed to use it.”_

The Cardassian took another step. From the cold and wet outside into the humid air of the pizzeria… it suddenly didn’t seem like a bad idea anymore.

_Yes, I want to hear that name every night, but only from him!_

_“That’s blackmail.”_

_“Maybe, but believe me, you will not regret when I use it… Elim.” Julian smiled. His victory that he was already celebrating shone in his face. A great feeling for him and an odd but also gratifying feeling for Garak._

_Was he giving this name meaning? Something that I had once given to the other names that weren’t ever actually mine?_

Garak straightened his coat, put his smile on, and entered Deep Dish Nine. The oppressive smell of pizza greeted him, but even if nothing here truly appealed to him, as long as Julian was here, he would come.

Julian at the moment was serving a group of younger people. As he caught Garak’s eye, he grinned so widely in a way that Garak had not seen in an unbelievably long time.

_Another secret revealed… congratulations, young doctor._

 

***

“What do you think?” Garak observed Julian and how he poked at his noodles in a somewhat embarrassed manner.

“I don’t have anything against it. I mean, I would look forward to it.” He bravely shoved another forkful into his mouth, as he had been run ragged on campus today and his stomach was proving it.

“You don’t seem very happy about it.”

“I mean,” Julian took a sip of his Coke, “Are you sure? Me and a fancy restaurant?”

“I would very much love it if I could be seen in your company there.”

Another forkful of pasta made its way to Julian’s mouth, and he lightly raised an eyebrow at Garak’s compliment. “Hold up - let me see if I got this right. You are inviting me to a fancy Bajoran restaurant, in one of the classiest neighborhoods of the city, with some of the highest earning people and their expensive cars and extremely good table manners. And you think that I’m the best company to be with? Isn’t that a little… mixed up?” He gestured forcefully with his fork to his conversation partner.

“That I’ll only be able to look at you the whole time?” Garak leaned over the table - an intimate gaze followed. “I’m asking you Julian - it will be good.”

Julian set down his fork in the little pasta heap on his plate.

“I believe you, because otherwise you wouldn’t ever willingly go into a Bajoran restaurant.”

“Well said, Doctor.” Garak leaned back and relished the flash of annoyance on Julian’s face.

“Not ‘Doctor’, please.” Julian caught Jadzia’s hand signal in the corner of his eye. His break was inching close to its end. He tried to gather his composure back.

“It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that, well… I haven’t actually been in a really upscale restaurant before.” Julian submitted under Garak’s gaze, shuffling his hand to rest on his neck and tried desperately to not look embarrassed.

 _He invited you to a luxury restaurant and you are a poor student. How are you_ not _supposed to be embarrassed?_

“You will like it.”

_Oh…_

“When do you want to go?”

“I was thinking Friday evening.”

Julian looked over Garak once more - those blue eyes and the thought - _Say yes, dammit._

“Okay, I’ll come with you.”

The Cardassian looked relieved.

“I’m thinking jeans and a t-shirt isn’t the way to go, right?” _And I’ll have to go over table manners too._

“I would ask that you wear something a bit more appropriate.”

“Lovely then, Julian Bashir will not allow a single opportunity to embarrass himself to happen,” he snorted and picked up his name tag.

“Correct, you will not.” Garak took Julian’s hand, turned it over, and lightly squeezed it. It was only a brief moment like that, but it brought a shining smile to Julian’s face.

_And how he beamed!_

_Enchanting!_

“Can I come over tonight, Elim?” asked Julian in a knowing, soft voice.

“It would be my pleasure.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I was able to write something about Bajoran cuisine. It was a lot of fun to write this chapter, because I love this type of situation ;D To write about it was simply fantastic. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it :D

“Your… Fanta, sir,” The Bajoran server paused at the end of his sentence.

_Thanks for the hint, asshole!_ Julian glared at him. The man placed the drink not far from Julian on the table and didn’t get any closer than that.

The elegant rim of the glass sparkled so much that Julian found it hard to dare to drink from it. _Maybe it would fall and shatter and then -? It looks so damned expensive…_ Julian nervously scooted his fork a little bit to the right. His touch was so careful and thought-out that one would think that he had moved the fork out of concern that it would attack him if he moved too quickly. _It also looks damn expensive._

“Is everything fine, Julian?” cautiously asked Garak as his eyes pursued Julian’s nervous movements.

“Please don’t ask me that all the time!” replied Julian tensely. He scooted closer to the table. “People are looking at us, Elim,” he whispered softly and once again fixed the orientation of his cutlery.

“No, my dear, they aren’t. No concerns. You should eat your hasperat, it has no taste when it’s cold.”

Hesitant eyes flickered over the hasperat. Julian liked hasperat, a lot actually. In general he liked Bajoran cuisine. So ordering it was seemingly logical, he knew this dish, knew it was easy to eat, but still…

_Damn I am nervous… still! Stupid wrap-like thing!_

The food lay untouched on Julian’s plate.

“Okay…”

_Deep breath._ A firm grip of hasperat followed.

Garak propped up his face in his hands, amused, and watched this performance.

“Lovely that we’re having fun here, isn’t it,” murmured Julian.

“Quite tasty, wouldn’t one say?”

_Talking about me or this fancy restaurant?_

He bit into the food, and yes, it was tasty. Very, very tasty.

_As expected… but now to finish on such a good note as well._

Three more cautious bites followed before Julian laid the fork down on the plate again. He grabbed the napkin and wiped his mouth and hands off. He straightened his shirt collar and sleeve. _Did I spill something? Or did something fall on me?_

A check of his clothing followed, which lasted for about as long as it took for Julian to eat those three bites.

_Okay, all good, no catastrophe._ Julian straightened his posture and raised his head.

“Extremely professional, doctor. I can hardly wait,” and here Garak placed a note of lasciviousness in his voice, “to see more of that.”

“You are terribly sadistic sometimes.”

“No, Julian, don’t say that. You wound me.” 

“Of course.”

Julian pulled himself together somewhat - this definitely wasn’t a relaxing date, but he couldn’t say that he didn’t like it. It was always like that with _him_.

_And Elim looks stunning!_

It should have been clear to Julian from the start. When Garak sought to make a date, it wouldn’t be anything normal. A date would always be a challenge.

_Maybe I should have listened to Kira?_

But Julian had taken on this challenge and wanted to prove himself as worthy of it as possible. He wanted to show that he could be seen next to an eloquent and well-dressed man. He had naturally tried his best to prepare for this. The suit that he was wearing should display his serious attempt well. The image in the mirror was uncomfortable for him, but the suit fit him and Garak didn’t have to tell mention it.

It fit him better than two years ago. That was the last time he had worn it, at a cousin’s wedding. _Maybe I will grow up and then it will fit me even better…_

And even when it did fit him, even better than it did before, it seemed to him that no amount of elegant clothing could hide his not elegant and in no way classy movements.

_Even the Fanta is served pretentiously here._

Garak was something else. Of course he was something else. He fit in here, perfectly. Julian was convinced that his charm would cover up even the smallest of Julian’s faux pas. The young man took refuge in his presence. In entering the restaurant he stuck close to the older man, was led to the table by him, and let Garak order. Well-chosen words, excellent hand gestures, and Julian just nodded along. It worked splendidly, well, at least until the food came.

“We should go, I can’t bear to see how you’re being tortured here.”

“No, I’m dealing, I got it, really.”

Garak sighed heavily.

“A romantic date we’re having, aren’t we?” The Cardassian took a sip of his spring wine. It had slightly occurred to Garak that he had disappointed Julian somehow.

“When I’ve got some practice with it, Elim, I think I could get used to all of this.” Julian’s warm smile allowed the Cardassian to breathe again. _Young Doctor, you are becoming more beautiful every day…_ He enjoyed watching Julian’s hardworking and clumsy behavior - it made him more intriguing than usual.

_And then there’s the shirt…_

Garak swallowed, barely noticeably. How that cream-colored shirt enhanced his beautiful brown eyes and skin, how it flattered his figure...

_Oh Elim, this here, this is more than just liking someone…_

And this exactly observation pulled Garak to note every movement, how Julian carried himself, following them closely. His heart quickened somewhat and he allowed his thoughts and wander slightly.

“What is it?” asked Julian and caught Garak’s eyes.

“Nothing, my dear.”

“Then don’t do that.” Julian leaned over the table and quieted a bit. “I mean, you’re staring at me.”

“Well we are sitting across from each other, where ought I be looking?”

“This isn’t ‘looking at someone’, I’m talking about staring, Elim.”

“Ah... I do not have an excuse for that.” Garak raised his hands to his shoulders and gazed up with a “pity me?” look. “I apologize that it has disturbed you so much.”

The younger man pulled back to his side of the table and took on his orderly composure once again. “It didn’t really bother me.”

He bravely grabbed the fork again and stuck it in the remaining half of the hasperat. _I want to get out of here, so get over yourself, Julian!_ “I just think that I would have liked it better if you were looking at me when I wasn’t about to embarrass myself while eating.”

 -----

 

As Garak paid the bill, Julian suddenly felt dizzy. He couldn’t say why as it was happening, whether it was because he heard the sum of the bill or because of the tension zapping its way out his body.

_Maybe both…_

The date was over, at least the part where he proved himself capable of eating. The results were satisfactory: he had not spilled anything, he had not jostled anyone, and hadn’t stupidly stuttered trying to find a topic to talk about.

_That was good!_

As the pair walked a few hundred meters and entered the safety of the parking plaza, Julian breathed out.

_Finally!_

He relaxed a tiny bit. His stride wasn’t so stiff and confidence flickered back into his eyes. He ran ahead of Garak by two steps and turned to face him. The other man halted in order not to crash into him.

“Julian?”

“I want to really thank you for the invitation.”

“Gladly. And I must say, you have shown yourself to be exemplary tonight.”

“Yeah, I’m just great. Apparently someone who can tough it out, who would’ve thought?” he joked.

_And now?_

“You don’t resent me for bringing you into this situation, do you?”

“Oh no, I learn best from challenges. And as we have clearly seen, I mastered this evening quite well.”

_What do I want right now?_

“It seems you have many undiscovered talents,” commented Garak with a hint of intensity.

“Yes, I think you’re right.”

_What should I do? Should I do anything?_

With every other date it was clear what Julian should do, but this here was definitely not like any other date with some girl.

“I should drive you back to your apartment; you must get up early for class, correct?”

“Oh yeah, I’ve got a long day ahead of me.”

“I’ll get the car, wait here, yes?”

“Got it.”

Julian stayed back, starring at Garak as the older man went.

_That was that then…_

He had failed the two apparent challenges of the evening. Completely, brutally failed!

“And the circumstances, geez, in a parking garage, seriously...” he muttered to himself, still just staring straight ahead. He searched for an excuse for his failure in this situation where previously he had never, ever disappointed.

He was sitting lost in thought next to Garak as they pulled up to the apartment complex. The ride was far too short to have sorted through any of his thoughts. The radio was also annoying as it broke his concentration even more.

“We’re here.”

_Ah, right._

Julian took into account his surroundings for the first time since the parking garage. Yep, they were here. It was gray, barely classy- actually not at all- the large apartment complex wasn’t terribly inviting. The cars were cheap, their wheels dirty or beaten up.

A different world, his world.

He unbuckled himself and hesitantly opened the door of the car. Garak walked next to him and led him to the entrance.

“You seem exhausted, Julian.”

“Only a bit. I enjoyed the evening, really.” He smiled fondly at the Cardassian. He wasn’t able to do anything more, his brain hadn’t come up with any solution to this challenge facing him.

“Forgive me, Julian.”

“I already told you, it’s okay, whatever you think you need to apologize for. You should…”

Without letting him finish, Garak took ahold of Julian’s hand.

_Oh… what?_

The younger man was not at all prepared for this. This touch was exhilarating - even though he had been around his friend the entire evening, they had gone the entire night without even minimal contact.

And now, to do this exactly this, it confused him.

_But it’s good, his hand in mine, this is good!_

Garak waited briefly to see if Julian would protest, or rip his hand away or say something, but nothing of the sort happened.

He slowly lifted the hand, turned it over, and kissed it.

Julian was frozen. He stared at Garak, having no idea what to say.

_Dammit!_

It wasn’t some giant thing, a kiss on the hand, so simple and easy, nothing special, but the concept of it bowled Julian over.

Garak let the hand down and let go.

_No…_

Julian still stared at Garak.

_That was…_

“Sleep well, Julian.”

\-----

“Fuck!”

He slammed the door behind him, threw his good jacket in the corner.

_What even_ was _that?_

_And what didn’t you get out of it?_

“Shit!”

Did he have anything else to throw? His shirt, maybe? No, he’d have to take it off first.

_There!_

The pillow hit the wall.

_Failure, down to the line! Failure! And then, then he brings out this cheesy, dumb hand kiss-!_

“It’s fucked me up. Shit…”

_Undiscovered talents?_ “Sure…” Julian took off his shirt. “Crap…”

Yeah, the one thing that Julian could rely on, was that he could flirt well, get some, and not sleep alone, if he wanted. And now?

Was it his ego that was bruised here? Was he angry because he wasn’t the one causing a fuss inside someone else’s head?

Was he angry because he didn’t get more, even though that’s what he wanted? Rather, he wanted more than…

“Than a stupid kiss on the hand.”

Another pillow hit the wall, but this time with significantly less force.

The hand kiss was a noble, elegant gesture. It was so meaningful. Garak had performed it so well, Julian could tell how he wanted to convey his feelings through the motion.

It was successful. Completely so…

There weren’t any more pillows on the couch. His only good shirt and the only reasonable jacket he had were on the floor.

_I’m worse off right now, but this feeling…_

“I can’t even sleep if I tried…”

He ran his fingers through his hair. Anger slipped out of him, the heat wilted, and soon he was cold.

_Okay, put on a shirt, and then go to Miles… he’s got to have time… we can drink or play some video games...._ He paused. He decided that he would pick up his jacket and shirt before the next time he left his apartment. As he passed the pillows he had thrown, he gave them a little kick.

_Next time, I’ll do it better..._

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Translator's note: You guys have no idea how fun it is for me to translate this! ^^ I hope you're enjoying it!]

Julian could be so unbearably stubborn.

Garak looked at the young man as he chucked himself onto Garak’s side of the bed into his pillows. Garak halted and stayed in the door frame. _What’s this, Elim?_

Julian flipped himself around two times, back and forth, stretched himself out and sighed happily. “Much better than the couch, I am a _genius_.”

He pushed the comforter to the side and settled himself in.

_In my bed!_

“Don’t you think so too, Garak?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, that I’m a genius, because I said that we should sleep in the bed instead.”

“Absolutely genius, my dear, I would have never have come to that conclusion.” He rolled his eyes. What an absurd situation… _and did Julian have to play it up so?_

“I know, that’s why I’m liked more than you are.” Julian let himself fall back onto the bed again. It was soft, it smelled so good, the comforter so pleasant against his skin.

No scratchy parts, no feathers sticking into his back, and best of all, he was in _Garak’s_ bed. He could hardly repress his grin.

The Cardassian paused again - or was he still waiting from before? Somehow his feet didn’t want to bring themselves into the bedroom.

_He’d refused my offer to drive him home! He refused my offer to sleep alone on the couch while he took the bed! He refused it all! It would otherwise seem like an evening just like all of the others…_

Garak stepped, one foot after the other, to the other side of the bed. _I was not prepared for this._

_Oh Elim, that’s getting tiresome._

Julian’s comforter rustled loudly in the background.

_What_ is _he doing over there?_

“I hope you’re not mad at me.” Julian interrupted his movements under the fabric and turned to the side where Garak was sitting.

“No, not at all.”

“If I can say so, you don’t really seem happy right now.” Julian’s voice carried a concerned undertone.

The Cardassian cast a look over his shoulder at Julian. His bed was normally quite large for one person, he had asked himself before why he had even bought a bed in this size in the first place.

But now, when someone else was in there, it seemed to be proving its worth.

_Not that I don’t want Julian to be here… actually, it’s exactly where I want him to be!_

“I am tired, that is all, my dear,” said Garak shortly in response to Julian’s question.

“Somehow I just don’t believe that, Elim.”

_It’s getting damn hard to hold back…_

Garak pulled the comforter over himself and flipped the light off.

Silence reigned for a short moment, rather, more a palpable uncertainty, then he noticed that Julian had turned to face him.

“I know it’s odd, well, no, it’s absolutely illogical.” Now the confident tone was gone from the young man’s voice.  “I’m sleeping with you in a bed.”

Julian had to pause to let the words sink in. He was being sincere, meaning the words exactly as he said them. With his hand gripping the covers, he gripped them with all of his strength to prevent his nervousness from overtaking him. He could cover it up fairly well, but he left his acting tendencies behind him for this.

_Very, very good that it is dark._ Otherwise, he could not have had this discussion.

“We haven’t kissed yet.” He laughed softly. Garak had to smile at that.

_Yeah, that’s another thing…_

“Hm, Julian, we are in all respects rather exceptional.”

A brief silence and Garak remarked to himself how the warmth of Julian’s body next to him became more noticeable. The younger man scooted a bit closer.

_You’re in it now, Elim…_

“You mean we’re exceptional, much better, than all the others.” Julian noticed how his trembling would not stop, and even his voice shook a bit. He was nervous, but he wanted this to happen.

Again, a quiet followed, and again Julian’s thoughts flailed about in his head to become a huge, unsorted heap. He didn’t say his thoughts, the excitement of it would mess this moment up. Amazing, that he up until now had held it together so well.

Julian took action- he crossed the last centimeters between him and Garak, went just a bit further and laid his head on the other’s chest. He closed his eyes, pleased with his decision.

The warmth and the pleasant scent of the other man were now incredibly close, like the night before. But not only was this not on that uncomfortable couch- without even accounting for the softness factor- but in a _bed_.

And like always, everything became that much more interesting when changing sleeping positions. There were new scents, outside cars whooshed back and forth, the rustling of the comforter was new, just as new as the feel of the fabric on his arm.

He had more space, he could distance himself from Garak or get closer. If he wanted, he could have even laid on top of him.

Julian breathed deeply out. “Wow,” he said, distantly and softly, unsure of the other had even heard him. After a while, the older man closed his arms around Julian, which in itself wasn’t new, but much more intense. _Much better!_

Julian took his hand from Garak’s chest and moved it to the older man’s side, where he allowed himself to grasp a part of Garak’s shirt.

“I haven’t had this in a long time, Julian.” Garak’s chest dulled the sound of his voice and Julian listen attentively.

“Well, last night we were almost like this, just not here.”

“This is true.” Garak noted how the younger man was pressing more into him; the warmth of Julian’s body was overwhelming for him, and the feeling arising from deep within pulled at him. “It is not easy.”

The older man could not say any more than that, it was an honest and simple statement. _And I can imagine, that it is same for you, Julian..._

Despite all of his years of training himself to conceal his emotions and desires, Garak could not hide this. And even if his head could do it well, his body was unfortunately not even half so skilled at that.

Julian had to laugh a bit before he quietly responded, “Right, it really isn’t.”

He himself was more than just surprised at how much his position made things obvious to him. The thought that his head only needed to be lifted a few centimeters in order to kiss the other’s neck, and that he only needed to shift a bit to position himself parallel to Garak’s hips was also appealing.

_This all shouldn’t be so desirable!_

Before these kinds of thoughts hadn’t come to him - or had they? Surely. But only briefly.

Now his entire being was thrumming with these thoughts and wants.

“Anything interesting happen to you today?” Julian’s question was purely for self-protection, to distract himself and also give Garak the same opportunity to be distracted. He was the genius, he had the idea, and he would never go on the couch again! _So why am I not talking freely now…_

Sleep would likely not come to either of them this night, too tense from the situation at hand.

_I have to get used to it, and let these thoughts go…_

Julian hoped silently and laid his head on Garak’s shoulder- without kissing him.

“I could have finished an important commission today.”

“Tell me more, Elim."

_Oh, please, don’t let him use my name…_ Garak pulled Julian unintentionally closer to him.

Sentences, strung together without much sense or depth, followed. Julian counted the passing cars that he could hear lightly moving outside.

And somehow, during all of that, they both were given the privilege to be overwhelmed by their fatigue.

Stressful, yes… but in every way worth it.


	10. Chapter 10A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Translator's Note: Life got bonkers crazy and chapter 10 is fairly long so I am posting what I have translated so far. Rest to come later! :) ]

“Julian?”

“No!”

Jadzia leaned sideways against her friend’s apartment door. “Please,” she said quietly.

“Can’t you just leave?”

A short pause followed. “Aw, come on, Julian.” She laid on the charm in her voice.

“It has nothing to do with that I don’t want to, it’s that I can’t.”

“Everyone has time for a night at Quark’s.”

“I however do not!”

“You’ve missed the last three hangouts too. I’m getting really concerned.”

Another short paused followed and Jadzia gave the wooden door a reproachful look, as if it were actually Julian.

“Haven’t we had this discussion twice now?” She heard a dull “thud” and assumed that Julian, in a bout of frustration, had leaned his head against the apartment door.

“You don’t have to study alone for so long. How did it go now?” She tried to imitate Julian’s voice- “I am such a clever genius! I barely have to study and am therefore fantastic. Did I already mention to you that I am freaking amazing?”

Julian rolled his eyes. _Completely overblown, stupid cow…_ “My record speaks for itself,” he murmured softly, his head still leaned against the door.  “Right now it doesn’t seem so.”

“Julian you have to bitch a bit louder now, because I’m not understanding you through this fucking door!”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Can’t you just go? Thanks!”

“Then at least open this door and say it to my face!”

_He’s hiding himself away just to study and won’t spend any time with us…_

Jadzia made her thoughts clear to Julian that, in her eyes, they were not unfounded. In the last six weeks she had only seen him at DD9 and then he vanished. He seemed agitated, exhausted, and could hardly concentrate.

_He’s almost never like this…_

“I’m worried about you.”

Her soft words became weaker and more muffled as she tried to reach Julian through the wooden door.

He ran his right hand through his hair and leaned his head back. “You don’t need to worry about me. Again: I’m a student, I’m studying, alone because that’s how I can concentrate.”

Even Julian couldn’t be like that though. He was missing his usual meetings with Miles, even their Thursday evenings. At DD9 he did his duty, his work, and didn’t stay a minute longer than needed. And Garak? He hadn’t seen him in the last six days during his break, nor in the evenings. Julian had asked for this separation, this distance in order to study.  “I already have enough things in my head to busy myself with.”

“Now look here!” said Jadzia suddenly, full of energy and Julian automatically scooted away from the door.

“I don’t think it’s just classes that are stressing you out. That’s why I’m here! And that’s exactly why we’re all concerned. God, Julian, Ezri said that you could even have developed a social anxiety disorder, the way you’re going.”

That was going too far, they both knew. _Just because I’m not being super in-your-face? Just because I’m not annoying everyone? They should be happy about that…_

“I can tell Worf to break down the door,” she said, and slammed her open palm against the thin wood. She didn’t want to leave the conversation there, at a dead end.

“Come on, Jadzia, don’t threaten me! Then I can tell Odo who it was and I’m sure he’d rather arrest someone other than a vandalizing Jem’Hadar for a change.”

The young women pondered this briefly, and then relented. _Memo to self - when threatening Julian, don’t half-ass it!_

“Julian, please. I just want to see you for a second…”

“And again - no, Jadzia,” said Julian sing-song from the other side.

“You stubborn, moronic idiot!”

“Dumb bitch!”

“Julian!”

“Sorry, Jadzia…” whispered the student so softly that it was hardly possible to hear through the door.

Jadzia leaned her ear carefully against the dark wood. Was he getting ready to open the door?

“This is already been a lot, right here. Could we just end this and you let me get back to studying?”

“I don’t think that’s what you’ll do.”

“then go but don’t bother me anymore!” Jadzia heard footsteps inside the apartment.

“Please Julian!” she shouted through the wood. “Don’t make me do anything more than this!” A long pause followed and Jadzia heard the pacing start again. “We’ve already gone over this: Worf and then Odo!”

“I mean the next step.”

“Okay, I don’t have time for this, just please leave. My head’s already full enough and I don’t have time to listen to your _preaching_ anymore!” And this time Jadzia not only heard footsteps but the slamming of a door inside the apartment. She definitely wasn’t getting anywhere with this.

“Unbelievable,” muttered the young Trill. “Unbelievable, Julian! You’ll pay for this!”

*****

Jadzia burst into the working area of DD9. The eyes of Mr. Sisko, Worf, and Ezri were pinned on her. “And? Did it work?”

“Oh, dumb question,” said Ezri, and scurried off behind Mr. Sisko in the direction of the cash register.

“No, Benjamin. That stupid crackbat gave me the boot! He didn’t even open the door!” Jadzia went further into the work area. One would have thought that on the way from the apartments to here her anger would have cooled, but that was clearly insanity.

Sisko had to laugh. “You sure are a Dax.”

“I’ll let him know that.”

Worf took a few steps towards her; he was one of the few who could be allowed to penetrate the danger radius around her. “Jadzia.” He laid his hand on his partner’s shoulder.

“No, please don’t, it really pissed me off! You really should back away.”

“I cannot do that,” growled Worf. “You are my Par’Mach’Kai and I want what’s best for you. And when Julian is the one bothering you-”

“This isn’t ‘bothering’.” She had to grin at that. For a brief moment she played with the idea of actually asking him to break down Julian’s door. _The look on that spoiled doctor’s face would be worth it!_

“It’s more of a… misunderstanding. I’m sad that as his friend he’s not letting me get close to him. It… gets to me.”

“It got to you, that he’s rejecting you?”

“Yeah.” Jadzia leaned on Worf’s shoulder.

The man had to bitterly admit: she was dejected. He bit his lip. _Because of that guy!_ He unintentionally growled out. His girlfriend could sometimes be very one-minded and it didn’t please him at all that she spent so much time hanging out with this ‘doctor’. Worf’s image of Julian was by far not the greatest. To him, Julian was annoying, thin, too thin, not in possession of the true stature of a man, he was loud and clumsy.

_Why does she always have to be with him?_

But it didn’t do to ask his Par’Mach’Kai questions when she was depending on him.

“And you can’t just leave him be for a few days? I am sure that it would do him well and he just needs to study.”

“I already left him for a few days on his own. He isn’t doing alright, I’m getting worried. And I shouldn’t be the only one doing that!” She sulked into Worf’s shoulder.

Worf groaned in exasperation. “Well then. If you truly want to help him…”

“I do!” interrupted Jadzia excitedly, and popped up her head onto his shoulder with anticipation.

“How would it be then if we asked the Cardassian to speak with him?”

“You think Garak would play this game better than us?” Jadzia peered at Worf questioningly.

Sisko snorted and burst out laughing.  “Children, you are being adorable!”

Worf was still searching for the exact words to clarify the situation. It was rather a topic of discussion he’d rather let go…

_Oh…_

“Wait! He can play this game better than us.”

“Excuse me, I’m thinking.”

“Julian has a picture of the two of them as his phone’s wallpaper!”

“He has what now?” Worf stood there, mouth hanging open.

“Too much information,” added in Sisko.

“Be that as it may, I will ask Garak to set Julian straight that I am very very upset because of him.”

“You do that.”

“Oh Worf, I love you! What a wonderful idea.” A quick kiss on her boyfriend’s cheek followed. Worf winced, somewhat embarrassed by the intimate touch.

“Jadzia, Mr. Sisko is right there.”

“Yeah, so what? He’s no innocent lamb.”

“I can hear you two! And keep it for after shift end, alright?”

“Aye, Benjamin,” said Jadzia, now completely happy again and beaming at Sisko.

_You can’t keep her down, can you?..._

Worf turned up his music and went without comment to work.

 

***

After much begging and pleading Jadzia convinced Sisko to let her get off work two hours earlier than usual. After all, it was about the well-being of one of his employees. She had really tried to argue all of the reasons why, but in the end it was really Kira’s suggestion and her hours that she had worked overtime that let her go from DD9 at 7pm.   _In terms of time, I should still be able to get in a round of Dabo in with the others._

As Jadzia rounded the corner, she saw the Cardassian closing up shop. _Perfect!_ She went over the phrases she was going to say that she had picked out beforehand.

“Good evening Mr. Garak,” Jadzia greeted him as she approached the older man.

The Cardassian only needed a brief moment to react appropriately. “Oh, good evening, Ms. Dax.” A polite nod followed.

Jadzia stepped closer to him, but still keep a considerable distance. “I wouldn’t like to impolitely delay you, but I need your help.” Garak could not avoid an amused smile at that.

“I am perhaps not quite competent for your issues, one of your friends would be perhaps better at helping you.”

“No, it’s a problem that you surely are the best at solving.”

Garak raised his eyebrows. “You are making me curious, Ms. Dax.”

“Unfortunately it’s not your skills as a tailor that I need,” and she dropped her voice in a secretive manner, “but involving a person.” Garak looked at her questioningly. “You see, I have an issue with a mutual friend of ours and I am sure that you can bring him to reason.”

“I am not so sure that we should really use the word ‘reason’ in regards to Julian, Ms. Dax.”

Jadzia found his statement accurate and could only agree with it. The situation lost a bit of its tension.

However… she thought about Garak’s personality… he was still a little eerie.

He was definitely different than Dukat or Damar, because you could just look at them and tell they were crooks, stupid goonies, assholes… and… whatever other insults Nerys had once said? Anyway… and definitely not the kind of people you should keep company with. With Garak it was different. In her eyes he was even more dangerous. You couldn’t even take him for an average Cardassian, the kind you trust lightly and then pay bitterly for it.

Jadzia pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

 _Okay, let’s focus on what’s important here…_ “You’re right. Julian is sometimes stressed out, but he is even making me a bit worried at the moment. To be completely honest, more than a bit.”

“How, if I am allowed to understand?” Garak’s attitude was definitely serious now. The topic of Julian was for him nothing to be taken lightly.

“To get directly to the point, he’s isolating himself. He’s not going out with us anymore, Mr. O’Brien isn’t coming by to see him anymore and if I remember correctly, he’s not spending breaks with you either.”

“That is true.” The tailor nodded before he spoke with a calm tone. “He wanted distance, so that he could study.”

“I apologize, Mr. Garak, but you don’t find that a bit odd?” Jadzia didn’t want to wait for a reaction and tried to quickly explain herself. “You know him relatively well, I want to assume. Or am I not wrong?”

“I believe that you have judged me well.”

“Okay,” said Jadzia bravely, and gestured with her right hand. “Then this sort of behavior is pretty unconventional for our lovely genius. Anyhow, and we should most definitely not forget this, this isn’t about his final boards or anything. It’s just a regular exam! Work that our more than intelligent Doctor can surely do  without any problem.”

“That’s interesting,” slowly said Garak, “I was told by him that he had many exams to sit.”

“Exciting, isn’t it, what he said.”

“He must be very unreasonable right now.” Garak’s statement had a sharp edge to it. Both appeared to understand that a clear discussion with the student would be important. “I just want to make it really clear that this isn’t like Julian at all. He isn’t the type to do this much work for just an exam.” The young Trill remembered the less successful conversation from the earlier morning. “So, in the end, those are my thoughts, Mr. Garak.”

“Have you told him this?” The Cardassian took a half step closer to Jadzia.

She had the feeling that she had reached a certain plane of trust with this man.

_With Garak… a Cardassian…_

She swallowed.

_If Julian found out…_

Her eyes grew wide and she had to suppress a laugh. _If Kira found out!_

“Ms. Dax, he favors you strongly, when you say something, surely he listens.”

Jadzia twisted her mouth into a frown. Her face wasn’t accustomed to this unhappy expression. “Yeah, he heard me. Through his apartment door.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah.”

“Extremely impolite.”

“You’re telling me!”

Garak breathed in deeply and shook his head.

“I believe, Ms. Dax, that I will take into consideration having a conversation with Julian’s apartment door, perhaps I will have more luck.”

The Trill smiled. “Surely.”

“I thank you for your information, Ms. Dax.”

She nodded, relieved.

“And should I tell him anything in particular?”

“Ah, now that you mention it, there really was something that you could tell him…”


	11. 10B

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Translator's Note: I am here, post-wisdom-teeth-removal-surgery! Posting the second half of chapter ten and hopefully posting more in the future. Translation is slow when you are living off of pudding and can't really do much... thanks, surgery. :p  
> Lemme tell you guys, reading this chapter for the first time back this winter on the train was so exciting for me, I hope you enjoy it too! :D ]

As Garak approached the apartment building, he had been mulling over some thoughts, the highlights of determining Julian’s state of mind. _Why would Julian lie to his friends? What’s occupying him so much? And would I really go inside if not offered entrance?_ The Cardassian weighed the number of efforts necessary.

If he was still in practice, the door would have been opened on the first try. _Ha, perhaps two tries, Elim, you are becoming an old man._ He straightened his coat. _While I do prefer the more discreet method…_

A more confident expression flickered across Garak’s face as he stood at the door. Twice, fleetingly, he had seen Julian’s apartment as he brought him home.

 _This time I do intend to stay longer._ He knocked, but received no response. “Julian, are you there?” he asked in the direction of the door. _Awful! I understand now why Ms. Dax was so incensed…_

Another moment of silence, but before he could knock on the door a second time, he suddenly heard hurried footsteps in the hallway that quickly got louder.

“Elim?” His voice came quizzically through the door.

“Yes, my dear.”

A short silence followed, and then Julian said, “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to pay you a visit, I have not seen you in a few days and I thought that I would be brave and come by your apartment.”

“You are here because Jadzia told you about me, right?”

“No one, my dear, must tell me things in order for me to want to see you.” And Garak could imagine Julian shaking his head as if he was standing before him.

“It pisses me off that she would pull you into this.”

“Pull me into what?”

“Nothing.”

“It cannot be so bad, Julian.”

Another silence.

“Garak, I really don’t want to hear another preachy sermon.”

“I am not here to preach to you, and even less so, I am not here to speak to you through a door. I’d like simply to see you.”

Julian shiftily yanked on the end of his t-shirt. He knew that Garak wouldn’t be so easy to shake as Jadzia.

_And who knows what a horror story she told him! That woman can be pure terror…_

The more Garak worried about him, the tenser this situation could get. Julian weighed his next move. _Maybe Sisko, Ezri, and Worf are all standing there, and waiting to lock me out when I open the door? I trusted them!_

The young man looked around him for a second. He placed himself in an offset angle in front of the door.

_Just a space to see through, Julian, no more!_

A few seconds passed before Garak heard the turning key in the door. A gap appeared between door and wall and Julian looked through.

“Good evening, Julian.”

“Hello, Elim.”

Garak gave Julian a warm smile while his eyes checked over the student. _He is completely exhausted!_ “May I come in?”

“I’d rather you not, I am busy…”

“With studying? I would not disturb you at all, I assure you.” Garak was so alluring that Julian had automatically opened the door a few more centimeters. _I must really be going through withdrawal from him, dammit!_

“Ah, well, I haven’t cleaned, I really can’t take you in like this.” And it was the truth. “You… you would be really shocked.”

“I’ve seen things, my young friend.”

“I don’t know.” He took a hand from the door and placed it on the back of his neck. “You may run away and never want to see me again, if you see this.”

“Julian, don’t think that. I wasn’t concerned how you saw my apartment.”

“This isn’t at all comparable!”

Garak had come closer to the open door space through which Julian still skeptically blinked. It would be an easy door to shove through - although getting the door to open was now not an issue - but here more tact and sensitivity was required.

“Please, Julian, for just a moment.” The Cardassian could see how the wheels in Julian’s brain turned. Garak was sure that he would be allowed entrance.

The student sighed heavily. “Ugh, man…” He opened the door. “Come in.”

“Thank you.” Garak entered and stood for a long moment before Julian.

Now he could see more clearly just how much energy was sapped from the student. Nothing of his normally energetic personality was there. Not even a happy expression- rather, the opposite. Julian was aggressively glaring at Garak.

_Oh, this will be an interesting evening._

Garak took two steps without making comment and opened his coat. “Ah, this is not so bad as you made it seem,” commented the Cardassian as he glanced down the narrow hallway.

Julian bit his lower lip. _Why did I let him in here?_

“I’ll explain, alright?” He caught up with Garak and stood in front of him. “You can be here. Look around. Tell the others that I’m alive and I am actually studying and then you can be off and have a good evening.”

“Whatever you say, my dear.” The Cardassian leaned forward and met Julian’s threatening glare with ease. “You are quite attractive when you are like this.”

Julian fought to hold it together. _Can he stop trying to turn me on?_ The younger man had to hold himself back from starting a fight. _Ignore him… or try, at least!_ He loosely shrugged his shoulders - _are you happy with this, Garak? -_ and headed to the living room area.

As he went through the door, he shoved a few unwanted stacked books to the side. Garak followed him and was instantly surprised. _No question, Julian is definitely studying._

A lamp was in the middle of the room on the floor, next to the laptop, and a large pillow. Next to it, a tower of books and notes.

“You can sit on the couch and take what you want from the fridge.” Garak tore his eyes away from the sea of books which swam before him and looked over at the aforementioned furniture., which was covered in notes.

“Oh, you can shove them underneath.” Julian motioned at the block-books of notes. “I’m going through old exams. I don’t need the notes anymore.”

“This is really…”

“Yes?” asked Julian and maneuvered around the books to head towards the pillows. He settled himself in and yanked his laptop towards himself.

“... an interesting image.”

“I don’t know how many times I’m going to have to say this,” snapped Julian, “I am studying.”

“Yes, clearly.” Garak kept standing and took it all in.

This wasn’t like Julian at all, if he knew him like he thought. Understandably he was studying, they had often been together as he did that, but he had never done so to this extent.

“What kind of exam is it?”

“That’s not really important, is it?”

A silence followed. Garak started to head for the couch.

“I believe that it must be fairly important, if you are studying so much for it and have a bookshop in your apartment.”

“It’s moving along.”

_Ah…_

He moved the notebook blocks aside. A few yellow sticky notes were jostled slightly and he repositioned them. Julian began to type on his laptop.

Garak scanned the notes Julian had made. A sentence would be written, seemingly illegible, and then stricken through, then another sentence, and then stricken through again. The rest of the paper was white and that seemed… threatening. There was none of the usual structure that he had.

Between the books were crumped papers, two energy drink cans - Garak hated those things - and an empty pizza box that was within Julian’s reach.

“Dammit!” Julian smacked his laptop, annoyed.

Two more quick types, and then a loud groan. “I’m not _getting_ it!”

“Julian.”

“What?” It came across more unfriendly and aggressive than he had intended. The Cardassian raised his eyebrows. “I, um, I’m sorry, Elim, it’s just that I’m really stressed right now.”

“I can see that.”

Silence.

Julian glanced around him briefly, and then back to his laptop. There were typing noises, one, two, and then another disappointed expression from Julian.

“What is it, Julian?”

“Excuse me?”

“What exactly is bothering you?”

Julian looked at his friend. _I don’t know, dammit!_ “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Are you sure? I mean to say, perhaps speaking about it will help you and you can then better concentrate.”

 _Definitely not._ “No, it’s already too much.”

Garak had to admit to himself that it was making him angry to see his friend so. The helplessness was suffocating. “It doesn’t have to be me, perhaps Ms. Dax or Mr. O’Brien?”

“I don’t want to, okay? I’m just studying, dammit, the world will keep turning.”

“Julian, you’re stressing out even right now. It’s not doing you well.”

Julian felt his stomach cramp up. He had been trying to avoid this discussion, the situation bothered him more than anyone, but something had to give.

_Yeah, you’d think it’d be enough to be tense and annoyed because of classes! And you can’t concentrate when your head is so full of thoughts and you’re in a bad mood. I don’t want this…_

“I’m running on empty, Garak, I’m just not getting there,” said Julian, exhausted.

“I can see it in your notes.”

“It’s not my style, really.” He leaned his head against the thin screen of the laptop. The bright light burned through his closed eyelids and hurt due to the intensity.

“These phases happen during your studies, but that’s when you need your friends. That, I have at least heard.”

The hum of the laptop and the smell of the energy drinks began to annoy Julian. Garak’s voice was nicer, much much nicer.

“When is this test, my dear?”

“In three days.” _Shit - still three, stupid days of this!_

“You are a brilliant young man, you will succeed.”

“And if I don’t?” He lifted his head and clapped the screen of the laptop shut. The humming quickly ceased.

“Then you repeat.”

_Repeat?_

That was hard for Julian’s ego. He must _never_ repeat something!

He looked over at Garak, drained but somehow disengaging from his tension.

_What is this? Why can’t I just escape this?_

“But I don’t _want_ to repeat!” Julian found this whole thing stupid, this conversation was stupid, it was stupid that Garak was seeing his apartment like this, that he was seeing _him_ like this!

 _No one should see this, definitely not Elim._ He was so tired.

Julian laid his laptop to the side and chucked the notebook away. A symbolic act of power for the young man, so to speak. _Fail and repeat, that is not an option!_

He stood up, straightened his shirt, and looked at Garak, who followed his moments with close attention.

Julian got a few steps closer to him, shoving the notebooks on the couch off to the side - _they’re in the way, annoying things! -_ and leaned over the Cardassian.

 _Man this is a really confusing dream…_ It felt that way for him, anyway.

He stood on shaky legs and as he put his hand on Garak’s shoulder and felt the warmth there, it felt unreal. Something completely different than the heat of his laptop. Different than everything else ever.

“I will not repeat,” he murmured, and kissed Garak.

The feeling of unreality that Julian was experiencing was the same for the Cardassian. Julian’s actions came at a completely unprepared Garak.

He hesitated, if only for a few seconds. For him it seemed an eternity to process what just happened.

The first kiss was soft, ephemeral. Barely realized. Julian pulled back, although only a few centimeters, hardly noteworthy. Perhaps he needed a few seconds to himself to understand what he had done.

This, however, didn’t seem to interest the younger man very much, as the pause was quickly followed by a second kiss, and then another.

An oppressive tension had grown between the tailor and the student. To resist making a move had demanded more and more strength from Julian; he wasn’t used to having to hold back. Particularly in regards to things like this.

It was a huge relief for his mind. Julian seemed to want to give into the urge, and while this situation wasn’t particularly romantic or special, it was in a sense acceptable for this first kiss.

Anyhow, the relationship between him and Garak was something that he could always change and make better. For this kiss there were no notes, no questions to answer and review. And his actions were successful.

 _This_ he could always do, and damn, that pleased him.

Julian briefly created some distance between the two of them to look into Garak’s content face. He remarked to himself how he was smiling, and he had almost wanted to laugh.

“We’re stupid. We should have done this far earlier.”

Julian decided to give his legs a rest; they were already weak, and standing right now was tiring. He knelt over Garak’s lap and pressed himself against the other man.

And this way his friend was closer, kissing was easier, and it was simpler to let this good feeling permeate through him.

“You should be studying, Julian,” said Garak half-heartedly. He was allowed himself to enjoy this, what Julian was doing, that he was bringing them closer together. Of course he ought to be reasonable, but he succumbed to his emotions.

“Maybe.” _Do we have to talk?_

Julian kissed him again.

_Oh, how he does that!_

Normally it irritated Julian how Garak always forced him to be the one to take the next steps. The student had to adjust to the situation, peel it apart to understand it. But now he was thankful to be given this role and enjoyed that he could control the tempo and extent. “Elim,” he said softly. _This tingling will be the end of me…! Good thing I don’t have to stand anymore…_ Julian pressed himself closer to Garak and his heart slammed wildly in his chest.

 _This is exactly what I needed._ There was so much to catch up on.

He licked across the lips of the other man, seemingly begging for more. As expected, the first feel of tongue make the tingling stronger; it overwhelmed all of his senses and Julian wasn’t sure if he had ever felt anything like this before. He briefly disengaged to get some air.

_Wow..._

“Julian, we should stop.”

“Wha-?”

Garak leaned his forehead against Julian’s. His words were warm, and while they didn’t express what the younger man wanted to hear, hearing his name from that voice intoxicated him.

“Why?” breathed out Julian, slightly paralyzed by the current events. This suggestion did not please him, but deep in his stomach something was encouraging him to accept it.

 _Any more of this feeling and my thoughts will be exposed…_ As for pausing, Garak didn’t really have a reason. The suggestion instantly appeared unbelievably childish the moment he said it. Julian’s request for clarification urged him to want to continue this. _I would like to continue to do so much more with him…_ Garak looked into Julian’s brown eyes. They were wide and seemed slightly overwhelmed. _But how could I think of that…_ The Cardassian briefly closed his eyes. _How do I say that? How would I think, that…._

“Perhaps we should not have rushed this.”

_… that he is just simply indulging in curiosity?_

Garak quickly settled a smile onto his face so that Julian could not divulge the negative thoughts in his mind.

_Just absurd, Elim…_

“I, um…” Julian struggled with the words. He was acting like a child, seemingly unprepared for this. _Does he think that I can’t do this?_ “Um, so do you think that we… I mean, I would! Probably, but-”Garak kissed Julian on the cheek. “No, wait! I mean, I mean- I can do it! With a guy, too!”

Garak had to grin at that correction. “Julian, I do believe a brief break would do us well.”

The student squeezed his eyes shut. “Ugh, don’t tell anyone I screwed this up, okay? Especially not something like this!” Julian laid his head on Garak’s shoulder.

“How does this sound? ‘Julian Subatoi Bashir is the best lover in the world.’”

“Don’t tease me now…” He lightly shoved Garak. For a short moment they stayed that way, touching, and then Julian began to laugh. He glanced over at his friend. “I think kissing you is my new hobby, Elim. You’ll have to get used to it.” The heat from his body flushed his cheeks red. For Garak, he was indescribably beautiful in that moment.

Garak touched his friend’s cheek, who looked at him resolutely.

“I want to have more of it.”

“And you will receive it.”

“Now?”The younger man leaned forward somewhat, but the Cardassian wrangled his control and evaded him.

“Oh my dear, one has to enjoy this slowly. Why are Terrans so impatient and hasty in what they do?”

Julian grinned again. “Alright, for today, we’re done. But I want to really get more than a taste next time.”

Garak observed Julian as he stretched. The younger man made no preparations to move away from his friend.

“Whew, I should clean.” He looked over the chaotic maelstrom of books.

“Or study?”

A brief pause, and then a broad grin, and Julian rose up to settle himself right next to Garak. “No, no more today.” He turned to his right, his arm hanging off the edge and brushing two unwanted paper balls aside.

“Don’t tell anyone, okay?”

“About the messiness? Your apartment is as immaculate as ever. I will back that up.”

“Great.” Both had their thoughts elsewhere. As Julian tossed the last paper ball that was in reach away, he felt unbelievably proud of himself. _Damn, I actually did it! I kissed him! I’m totally awesome!_

“Um, Elim…” It seemed difficult to break the oppressive mood of the moment. “Wish me luck on the exam.”

“I wish you much success, my dear.”

“Elim…” Julian prodded Garak.

“Yes?”

“Why are you smiling like that?”

“Nothing, my dear Doctor.”

“Cut the crap. What are you thinking about?”

“There was something else..”

“Oh, what?”

“A friend of yours had asked me to do something... I have to set some things straight with you.”

That evening Jadzia received an email from her best friend. And if that email were written to be insulted or offended, the Trill was exceedingly happy anyway.

 


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, after an eternity I am posting the next chapter. The fanfiction has been finished for a while, but I didn’t have the motivation to upload it all. Thanks to stifledlaughter, I have found it again. A big thank-you to her for translating my work into English! Now it is clear how it turns out and I am posting the rest. Unfortunately this work won’t be beta’d from now on. So warning- no beta! :)  
> I thank you again for reading! <3 This chapter at one point was one of my favorites but not anymore once I’ve re-read it…  
> [Translator's Note: Updating has been slow. My bad! Also due to splitting up chapter 10, I have to renumber the chapters somehow... it's kind of confusing. I did not think this through. I will find a way to fix it... eventually.]

Julian supported his head with his right hand, leaning heavily against it. Jadzia poked him lightly in the side with her elbow, but he wasn’t actually bothered by it.

“Man, what a boring day,” he groaned, throwing a glance at the front door.

The Trill scootched around in her chair next to him a bit, back and forth, before deciding to push herself all the way back in the chair, settling onto it fully. “Nah, I’m pretty happy about it, means there is less going on.”

“The weather is terrible, it’s cold and wet out, it’s nearly spring, like, what is this? And it’s like time’s not even passing!”

“Julian, that also means that we have fewer issues! Fewer customers, fewer problems,” she replied firmly and Julian got a light jab from her elbow in his side.

“I don’t think that this less-economic equation works out, Jadzia. More people, more problems, but also more money and time actually passes then.” Julian fixed his stare unchangingly at the entrance while Jadzia just let out an annoyed sigh.

“I am also happy that less is going on so that I can focus on these accounts.” Kira entered the front area with a thick book.  The daily accounts were done very fastidiously, if one counted three to four day intervals of ‘daily accounts’ as fastidious.

“I’m betting Dukat is still coming by to look around!”

“Jadzia, don’t piss her off!” hissed Julian, panicking, and threw his friend a dark look over his shoulder.

“Who’s coming by to look around?” Instantly Kira’s eyes darkened threateningly.

“No one!”

“Julian, you’re such a killjoy-!” Jadzia sat back and watched Kira as she put down a calculator and ballpoint pen next to the register, the book laid open. Instead of elbowing Julian in the ribs anew, she laid her head on his shoulder, which caused him to flinch. Quickly Jadzia sought to lightly pull away. “Whaaaat? I’m tired…” she complained at Julian desperate attempts to get her off.

“Lean somewhere else please, Jadzia!” he whispered without tearing his stare away from Kira.

“Why? You think Garak will see this differently, hm?”

“What? This isn’t about Garak! What the hell are you talking about?” Julian flushed red around his nose and breathed in anxiously.

“Oh, it’s not then?” Very slowly she raised her head up and with it took a load off of Julian’s mind. It was now that Jadzia had taken pleasure in this situation. Elegantly she leaned forward, so close that her and Julian’s face were nearly touching.

“He-Hey!”

Julian tried to scoot back with his chair quickly, but Jadzia reacted even faster and scooted forward more. In the corner of her eye she noticed Worf approaching Kira and was watching the entire situation attentively.

_This is getting even better!_

“You’re really very sweet, Julian,” she said and flashed him a seductive look.  Her performance was top-notch.

 _What?_ Panic flooded across Julian’s eyes. _Something isn’t right here!_

The young man was more than just irritated, because on the one hand he had wanted Jadzia, and yes, he never had anything against her, but now… now it was totally different, now there was someone that he desired very much.

_Oh man, why does everything have to start all at once with me?!_

The Trill had other things in mind. Her boyfriend was still observing the situation at hand and her best friend had suddenly become an easy target. It quickly became not so boring anymore like it was a few minutes ago.

She crossed the last few centimeters between them and softly kissed him on the cheek. “You are so sweet, so take care that Garak doesn’t eat you all up!”

The following seconds passed like slow motion for Julian. He was confused, irritated, scared and….

“What… what was that?” he stuttered.

Before he could react with any semblance of reason, he felt a strong jab in his shoulder. Worf had traversed the few meters between the register and Jadzia and his table with warp speed and had jostled him.

“I- ow! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” shouted Julian, bringing his hands desperately up to his face to try to protect himself. His survival instinct, at least, had kicked in.

Worf didn’t pay any attention to that, grabbed him by the collar, and lifted him up high from his stool while Jadzia looked on, amused. While she would gladly watch the progress of this, she didn’t really want to throw her best friend and boyfriend into unnecessary battles. _Although… that would be interesting…_

“End this now!” called out Kira at the top of her voice from the other end of the room.

Right as she did that, Ezri poked her head around the edge of the kitchen area to look. “Oh god, what’s going on here? Julian…?”

“Worf, he’s just a friend, please just let him go,” said Jadzia, smiling, and tried to pull the two apart.

“I’m sorry!” _What the hell have I done?!_

“Just a friend?” snarled Worf and hoisted him a few centimeters off of the floor.

“Seriously, people do that, you can give friends a kiss on the cheek.”

“Kiss…” Worf grit his teeth together.

“You are not exactly helping, Jadzia!” Julian squirmed and tried with all of his might to get away from Worf.

“Calm down, alright? Whatever you break, you buy! Get it together, dammit!” While Kira was trying to get the situation back to normal, Ezri threw a nervous glance behind her. “They’re already calming down, see,” Kira said softly to Ezri, “I’ll fix it myself if I have to.”

“Look, it was just a misunderstanding, okay? Jadzia just told you that we are just friends!”

“Friends don’t kiss each other!”

The Klingon roughly shook Julian twice as the student realized that this feeling wasn’t going away, Worf was getting angrier. “Help, please!”

“You aren’t really in a position to calm him down, Julian.”

“He also  isn’t MY BOYFRIEND!”

“If you ever do that to her again-”

“I didn’t kiss her!” screamed Julian and his fear plummeted into despair then.

“Julian had kissed Jadzia?” asked Ezri, a bit thrown off, not really clear on what the entire situation at hand was. She dared to take a few steps out of the back area and met  with Kira, who gave her a patient glance.

“No, actually Jadzia had kissed him, but it was really more that-”

“Hm, it seems that I am likely inconvenient here, if there is already kissing here.”

Kira whirled around to the door and met with a lightly annoyed but also amused look-

 _Oh, no, it’s Garak! Since when was he here-_ Julian struggled even more ferociously. _What is he even thinking now? Dammit, Jadzia, you’ll pay for this!_

“Come on, Worf, let me down please!” he begged even as he continued his struggling attempts.

“Apologize to Jadzia first!”

“He doesn’t _have_ to, Worf, I was the one that kissed him.” The Trill came up to Julian and sunk him even deeper into this uncomfortable situation.

“Why do you have to use the word _kiss_?” Julian’s hopelessness was rising.

“I believe my presence is not required here.” Garak took a step towards the exit.

“No, no please stay! I want to see how Julian gets out of this.”

“What lovely _schadenfreude_ , Miss Kira, I respect that,” said Garak and nodded approvingly. She gave him a relaxed smile and directed their attention back to Julian and Worf, the younger of the two having stopped struggling but still held by the collar.

“Okay, so friends sometimes give each other kisses.” Jadzia laid her hand on Worf’s shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. The bloodwrath- that’s what Julian would call it - slipped from Worf’s eyes and his features relaxed.

“Yes, on the cheek! It was just a kiss on the cheek! And I…” Julian hastily explained. “I couldn’t fight her in time. Really, I’m sorry!”

Worf short him a last skeptical glare and loosened his grip. He halfheartedly straightened Julian’s polo shirt, twisted his mouth, and nodded shortly. This was undoubtedly Worf’s apology.

_Phew… I’m alive!_

Julian stumbled a few steps to the side in order to make a noticeable distance between him and Jadzia. He quickly looked at Garak, who was still standing by the entrance. “Garak, that was…” he said and helplessly gestured towards Worf.

“A misunderstanding.”

Jadzia stroked Worf’s neck and was no longer looking at the desperately affected Julian.

Garak exchanged an amused glance with Kira and headed towards Julian. The student’s heart was slamming in his chest wildly, the excitement hadn’t settled yet, and his legs shook somewhat from the entire commotion. “Garak, I…” said Julian quietly as the other stopped right before him.

The older man stretched out his hand and took Julian’s in his. The gesture, so simple yet intimate, shot a wave of happiness through Julian’s body.

“You don’t need to explain anything, my dear, I cannot blame her. One must simply kiss such a handsome man.”

This statement confused Julian, as he was still agitated after this ordeal with Worf and now something like this? “Ah, yes…”

With his clear blue eyes, Garak observed his friend. The young man seemed to gain some of his composure back.

“You see, Julian, he finds you awesome too!” cheered Jadzia and pulled Worf behind her to meander in the direction of the cash register.

“Can we… can we just leave it be? I mean, talking about me?” Julian wanted to say that crossly, but his voice shook too much and it came out more sweet than threatening. _Dammit….!_

For a moment, Garak enjoyed Julian’s confused mood. However, he then wanted his friend to himself.

“Shall we then?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, let us sit? You have still five minutes on break, that’s why I am here.”

“Ah, yeah, sure.” Julian followed Garak to their usually seating place.

A broad smile crossed the face of the Cardassian and didn’t seem to want to go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Translator’s Note: The scene right after Kira and Garak have their little exchange about schadenfreude I had originally read it as """"“‘Okay, so friends sometimes give each other kisses.’ Julian laid his hand on Worf’s shoulder and kissed him on the cheek.”"""""" and kind of lost it at my desk for a second before I realized I had read it wrong.]


	13. Chapter 13 (renaming from here on due to chapter updating errors)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, one of my favorite chapters! I find it much better than the one before. I loved picking up the theme of “curiosity” here. That’s how it was sold as in the original series - should Bashir have any interest in Garak, it was out of curiosity.   
> [Translator's note: Yeah, it's been crazy at work, so no updating lately. My apologies! I promise to try and be better at this!]

_"Can I visit you tonight? Would 8 pm work for you?”_

Garak stared, slightly irritated, at the message that he had gotten a few minutes ago. This text was from Julian and in his eyes it was most unusual. Normally Julian used emoticons in his texts (whether or not it actually suited the moment). _And more words._

Garak scanned the two lines again.

_Many more words…_

He sighed. The message definitely had a serious undertone to it due to its curtness. The Cardassian could already guess Julian’s concerns. But even if the evening would not be so relaxed, he would never refuse a visit from his friend.

_Now I only need to answer as neutrally as possible…_

_“Of course, I would much like to see you.”_

_Now that is eloquence of the highest order…_

The Cardassian rolled his eyes as a way of expressing his emotion then. One could not misunderstand much from that gesture. He sent the text and allowed himself to run through the future conversation in his head.

This morning around two a.m. he had gotten a very interesting text from Julian. Garak was fully aware that Julian had finished his exams yesterday. _How could I have possibly forgotten? He’s talked of nothing else for the past two weeks._

“Man, Garak! I am going to party so hard! Hopefully I’m the best in my class again!” And as Garak thought about that, he saw Julian’s lively eyes in front of him. It seemed that his plans of going out with his friends and fellow students had come to fruition.

And between alcohol and loud music, Julian must have written this text.

“Elim! Sorry, i know its late. I did it thssi semester! i am sooo awesome!” Garak had to smile as he read that line. He took a breath before he read the next line. “And I want to celebrate that, allllrightt, that’s what im doing, but with you too! I am totally into you and oh man i just want to have sex with you, fuck it! Ive earned it!”

Garak laid his smartphone on the table.

He had to read the message again.

The sentence, full of writing mistakes, bravely typed by a drunk, arrogant student, was the high point of his day.

And he must have been so adorable, how he drunkenly wrote that.

The Cardassian pulled his phone towards him again, resisting the urge to open that message again. _Oh, my Julian, how could you believe that I’ll be able to busy myself sensibly until you come by?_ A quick look at the clock followed the thought. _Another 5 hours…_ and he gripped his phone.

 

***

 

Another 2 hours… The student lolled around on his couch. God, he had a hangover, and damn was he tired.

_And how I must_ look _…._ He pushed a few strands of hair out of his face.

Despite his extreme head pain, his head did not stop thinking. It was far too dramatic, what he had written mere hours earlier.

“Ugh.” He turned on his side, his gaze fixed on the wall. Next to his little TV, a few video games, and DVDs, he saw a little, brown, stuffed object.

“I mean, okay, he would’ve already been able to think about this. And therefore about if he actually wants it or not.” He tried to right himself in front of the brown teddy bear. “But…” He had to close his eyes and for a second everything shuddered. _This is completely uncool and totally embarrassing!_

“Augh, it was _so_ embarrassing!”

_Maybe he thinks now that I seem childish to write something like that in a shitty text message?_ Julian physically wanted more. _Of course… but did I have to bring it up like that?_

Kira would have let him have it, if she had known.

Probably because first of all, he is a Cardassian, but secondly… _Ugh, I did bring it up like a moron!_

For a last time, he stretched out. How much he wanted to wish for a smack from Kira, if not just to wake himself up a bit…

_I’ve got to start getting myself ready._

As he sat up his head throbbed, as if the Bajoran had given him two strong smacks.

_Just fantastic!_ An annoyed glance at the clock-

_Shit!_

If he kept muddling along like this, he would miss his bus. _I’ll be late-_

_Ugh, Elim hates that! And then I’ll look like even more of a moron._

Between a brief pause, quickly thrown-back pain meds, and a not-quite-relaxing bus ride, Julian arrived at the bus stop. Now he had to power through, somehow.

He leapt up the stairs to the ever-beautiful apartment building, ordering his thoughts to calm themselves.

In the back area he could see Garak’s motorcycle that he had only recently learned of it. He hadn’t yet seen Garak ride it, although the thought of the Cardassian racing through the streets on it pleased him.

It was 8:35 when he rang the doorbell. A warm smile on his friend’s face greeted him. “Sorry, the bus was late,” said Julian, rushing, out of breath. _Ah, crap._

“It’s not worth speaking of. First of all, good evening, Julian.”

“Good evening.”

Garak nodded his head lightly forward. “May I invite you in?”

“Oh, yes… please.”

Julian hesitantly stepped over the threshold. It had to have been at least sixteen days since he was here last. His exam period had had him in a chokehold. At least, until yesterday.

_And then there was alcohol combined with my desire-_

_Desire?_

He shut his eyes briefly. _Ugh, that word!_ He turned quickly and slid past Garak down the hallway. He forwent the hello kiss, it didn’t feel right somehow. _First clear up this problem, and then do other things! Follow the schedule!_ Julian meticulously clung to this reminder.

He quickly whipped off his backpack and dropped it next to the usual spot, about four steps from the door, right next to the hallway closet. Garak just eyed Julian silently, and then followed him into the kitchen. _It did seem like he was musing on something..._

The younger man set himself down where he normally did. He seemed stiff, the way he was sitting there, his tension evident. His hands were criss-crossed, running over each other. _Breathe, dammit!_

“May I offer you something to drink?”

“No, thank you.”

The Cardassian approached Julian, concerned. Their eyes met- Julian avoided them hesitantly, even though normally he would be exhilarated by them. The older man cautiously placed a hand on Julian’s shoulder. “It was surely a stressful night for you so far, you didn’t have to come here,” he said softly and could not stop himself from running his hand over the neck of the younger man. The feeling of the soft and warm hand let Julian breathe out deeply. He had to shudder a bit. _Wow…_ Abruptly, within a second, his headache vanished.

“No, I had to come. Anyhow…” he said, sighing deeply. It didn’t make any sense to come here to talk about it, it would just be embarrassing - he would try anyway. “.... Anyhow, I have to talk to you about the text.”

“That is what I had assumed.” Garak distanced himself from Julian, reluctantly pulling his hand back to his own side. He sat on the chair next to the younger man.

_Okay… on with it, Julian._ “Um, I hope the text hadn’t… disturbed you.” _Oh that was_ awful _…._

This conversation was starting to feel like he driving a very old car on a bumpy, pot-hole-filled road. The motor was on its last legs and one of the headlights was out.

And then on a not-so-sharp curve on the path… exactly- ! _Yeah, great, Julian. Crash!_

Garak waited, apparently for Julian to say something more. After a small, quiet pause, her said, “I don’t think so, really, it only woke me up.”

“I woke you up? Oh, I am so sorry! But- yeah, you know what I meant...” _Or didn’t he? God, say something sensible, idiot!_ In his mind’s eye, he saw the car veer off the road.

He fixed his eyes on the table in order to avoid the steady gaze of Garak.

“That you want to have sex with me?”  asked Garak dryly, getting the desired reaction with his words. Julian had to nervously shift around in his chair.  Frantically, he tried to hold himself upright. He breathed deeply.

“Yeah. That’s what I meant. Does that bother you?”

Garak’s mouth dropped slightly open, a brief moment of uncertainty of whether or not Julian meant the question or not. “No, not at all.”

“Good, um, yeah… good.”

Again, silence.

“I mean,” Julian tried to clarify, “It’s normal, that someone would want, after being with someone for a while. Our first kiss was a month ago and yeah, I’m young and, um…” _How can this be such a train wreck?_

“Curious?” finished Garak flatly.It seems as though Julian could not have forseen the true reason for this visit.

“Excuse me?” asked Julian, somewhat taken aback. The pace at which the conversation had developed felt a little fast to him. When did he miss the memo?

“You said it yourself, Julian. You are still young and curious. That is nothing bad.” The Cardassian said it quietly without any reproachful undertone. But in any case, it still displeased Julian. This conversation had turned in a completely opposite direction than he had imagined. _How did he get from here to there?_

“May I ask you something personal, Julian?” _Elim looks so…_

“Okay, but- no, ask first.”

“Is it simply due to curiosity you’ve entered this relationship?”

_What?_

Julian had to briefly pull himself together; he took this question as an insult. “Excuse me, Garak, but are you being serious?”

“Yes.”

The student looked at his friend as if his gaze could cut through him. The feelings of nervousness that had lingered now made an easy slide to rage. _Am I seriously dealing with this?_

“You know, then, that when you say that, you are saying all of my feelings for you are just curiosity.”

The Cardassian shook his head. “No, I am not saying that. I am asking you, even though I know it is not true.”

_That- that I don’t believe._

“Look here, Julian-” started Garak.

“Don’t start like that, it sounds like you are condescending to me!” interrupted Julian loudly. “That… that is just… Garak, that hurt me, isn’t that clear?” Julian noticed his voice starting to lightly tremble.

Garak’s expression did not change. “I understand, that is why I am trying to explain another way. Please excuse me.” His voice was quiet and melodic. It barely showed what just happened, what he had expressed. “So- you are an intelligent young man. You have much in your life before you. At your age, it is fully expected to be curious about all of these things and one can experience these things without being bound long-term to them. I mean to say, when you truly want to sleep with me, is it clear that I-” he closed his eyes and breathed in for a second, “can’t let you go so easily, as soon as the next pretty thing catches your eye? Or you want to try something else?”

_This is a bad joke…_

“Is this still going on? What do you mean with this?”

“Julian, you have a particular reputation. It is not unknown to me.”

_That_ was a hard hit.

The student still didn’t feel like he could answer. His throat was closing in and breathing was becoming difficult. His heart slammed in his chest, hurting, and somehow he felt so cold.

_This is intolerable!_

Julian wanted to react. Frantically he tried wrangle out words, to say something.

But the close in his throat made it terribly hard and his head could not complete any clear thoughts.

The Cardassian remarked that he, even rhetorically, had hit the nail on the head with Julian. Everything he had said, though, he had to say. It was important to share this with him.

_But really, Elim? With this end result?_

He looked into the sad and angry eyes of his friend. “Julian,” he said, pulling from his emotions, “When we would do that, I don’t think I could see it purely as a physical action. I can’t even fool myself into that.”

_I don’t believe I can…_

“So when you say, that it is just curiosity for you, then we’ll let this go...’ Garak formed his face to a manufactured smile. Only due to extreme practice was he able to keep it.

Julian shook his head.

_This had got to be a bad joke._

Before Garak could get in another sentence, Julian managed to say something. “You aren’t taking me seriously, that’s what it is!” As he heard himself say this, the close in his throat tightened intolerably.

“No.”

“Of course! Otherwise you wouldn’t have thought that!” snapped Julian hotly. “Is it that I’m so much younger than you? Am I less capable then because of that? Oh, let’s advise this young idiot about the difference between love and sex! Thanks, Garak!”

“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s simply that you must put more thought into this relationship.”

Julian tried to rein in his indignation, but he couldn’t accomplish it. He forcefully shoved himself from the table. “Excuse me, but did you go insane? I only think about this relationship! It takes up my entire life! I wouldn’t be here if I was just curious and I wouldn’t be listening to this utter crap, _believe me!_ ”

He stood, angry. His legs burned, like he had just ran. To stand so still right now made him only more furious.

He didn’t know what hit him the most, to make his head hurt so. Was it the hangover, this stupid discussion, these annoying thoughts? The anger in Julian’s mind was so wild, he would have thrown his bag at Garak’s head and bitched at him about being a short-sighted, so at least there was that, that he in hindsight would have described it as having a mature mind that prevented all that from happening.  

It held him back from even discussing the topic any more. _Think it over!_ his mind screamed through the anger in his head. _Just think it over!_

With a quick jerk, he put the chair back near the table, whirled around, and with a few hasty steps headed towards the door and his bag.

Without another word, which was probably for the best, he left the apartment.

He balled his fists in his thin pockets and made his way to his place, this time by foot.

This energy had to be displaced, get rid of his thoughts.

“Curiosity?...”

He had to snort.

_Unbelievable…_

 

***

 

The path to his apartment arrived too soon for Julian. He had been, for the first time since leaving Garak’s apartment, wrestling to calm his mood down. After that, he turned to his thoughts that had become clearer and slower. He turned onto the street running parallel to the apartment complex. _I’ve gotten here too quickly!_

Instead of opening the door, he headed a few steps on the path to the apartments below. With a strong hangover and a fight between him and his boyfriend, the day was finished. _I had pictured it completely differently before this…_

“It’s not actually raining,” commented a familiar voice from behind him.

“What?” absently asked Julian.

“Well, look at you! You’re staring at the street below like it’s been raining for three days. Didn’t you just finish your exams and it’s all behind you right now?”

“Miles, please, this is not the time for jokes.”

O’Brien came up next to Julian and stayed standing on the step next to him. “Yeah, and that’s exactly what I don’t get.”

“It’s just not going okay, alright? Get it?”

“Me neither right now.”

“Then I’m sorry.”

“When it’s not about classes, then did you piss of Kira?”

Julian rolled his eyes. “Miles!”

“Come on, Julian, I’m a bit bored.”

For the first time since their conversation started Julian turned his head to actually look at his friend and glanced at him skeptically. “You have work to do. Surely you have to repair something. How can you possibly be bored?” He snorted, annoyed, and then said a little more quietly, “That’s a job I would like to have…”

“Of course I have to work, I only work! Or else nothing would function around here. But right now I’m on my lunch break…”

“and?”

“And if Keiko were there and not at her parents’, and Molly too…”

“I’m not going to get rid of you, am I?”

“Nope. At least, not in the…” responded Miles and looked with his slightly closed eyes at his wristwatch, “next fifteen minutes.”

“Fantastic.” Julian was peeved.

“I think so too,” chirped Miles with an undertone of sarcasm. “So, Julian, what is it?” he asked, now concerned, and put his toolbox on the step next to him so that he could sit next to Julian.

Julian possibly would have liked to discuss the situation, but the exceptions were Miles and Kira. Both were more than inappropriate for this.

It simply meant he would have to endure the next fifteen minutes.

_Could I just up and leave? No, that would be more than unfriendly. Dammit, why did Miles have to be here of all places!_

Julian understood that he had to choke out at least once sentence. “Um, yeah, just a bit of stress and all.”

“Not classes?”

“No, you already know that that’s not it.”

“Then Kira?”

“No. Will you want the next fifteen minutes to go like this?”

“Don’t need it to, I already know what it is. That perverted Cardassian, right?”

“I’m not talking about it with you, Miles.”

Julian looked at the ground, pissed off, and didn’t bother even glancing at his friend. He could not make it any clearer to Miles how much he had no interest in any company right now.

“Yeah, that’s right, that’s an off-limits topic… but to be honest, I can’t do this, when you are like this, it makes me depressed too.”

And it sounded so unusually serious and sincere. Julian couldn’t help but give his friend next to him a questioning and attentive look.

“Miles, what….?”

“I mean, yeah, when you’re like this, then we can both play video games crappily and win. I mean, win at playing the games. So I was thinking that you could play a game or two with me tonight. Maybe it’ll help you with your thoughts. Doesn’t matter what that psycho did….”

Julian straightened his shoulders. “He didn’t do anything, it’s just that…”

“But he’s to blame! Cardassians are always to blame.”

“Not true,” sighed Julian heavily and laid his head on his knee. The hammering in his head should stop now…

Miles simply nodded, even if Julian couldn’t see him. He would have preferred to say that Julian should forget this old guy; he wasn’t the one for him. He should look for someone better and that was basically anyone else on the planet. He didn’t trust Garak a meter, not even a centimeter, he hated how Garak spoke, how he walked, simply everything. But if Garak did not mean so much to Julian, he wouldn’t always be bringing him up. But when Miles saw Julian and how sad he was, and even when Miles couldn’t understand it in the least, he wanted to stand by his friend.

_And, yes, even when it had to do with this damned jerk!_

“Okay, well, whatever it is…” pushed Miles further and tried to pick out words that didn’t make it seem like he would gladly kill Garak. “Everyone fights sometimes, and I am sure that you two will make up again.” He laid his hand on Julian’s back and lightly thumped it.

For a long time, neither of them said anything, it wasn’t necessary. Julian was honored that Miles had tried to say a few kind words to him, even if it was about Garak.

“Feeling a bit better?” asked the mechanic after a few minutes.

“Yeah, a little.” Julian lifted his head again and opened his eyes. The bright light of day stabbed him in the eyes and yep, this awful hangover made itself once again noticed. “But you probably should take sensitivity lessons from Keiko.”

“I’ll let her know.”

Miles smiled at Julian and gave him a hearty punch in the shoulder which shoved Julian a bit forward. “I’ll get back to work then.”

“Yeah, save us all from total technical failures in these dying apartments. You’re our hero!” said Julian, trying to smile. For a moment, he felt better. Maybe it was good that he had run into Miles.

“Since you’re feeling better, we should really play a bit of video games tonight,” commented Miles keenly, holding a screwdriver below Julian’s nose.

“Got it, I’ll be online. No need to threaten me.”

“Don’t fail on me now!”

The mechanic strolled with his toolbox down the stairs and turned through the next entrance. Julian watched him a little bit as he went, until he was alone with his bothersome thoughts again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I liked this chapter too! Working on and developing a character is lovely. Challenging but lovely. I also liked letting Jack, Sarina and company briefly comment on the situation. It’s fun that way! Warning- not beta’d! 
> 
> [Translator's note: Aughhhh sorry for the slow translations! I am leaving the US to move to France in a few months and getting that all together has been sapping my energy. Blah... sorry! Enjoy the chapter though!]

 

\--

The following days drudged on. Julian’s shifts at DD9 gave him needed distractions. He also played more video games than usual with Miles, given that he had time off from studying, and that since the day he and Garak had cut to radio silence, he had more free time than usual.

In DD9 he could overhear cutting comments such as Jadzia’s “Where’s Mr. Garak? Julian, when you scared him off you took an important paying customer away! You’ve got to be nicer to your lovers in the future!”

Or Kira’s “What’s most important is that you’re working, I don’t care what’s going on with that damned Cardassian. There’s already enough going on with them as it is! It’s already bad enough that we have to look at Dukat’s slimy face.”

Then Ezri’s “I thought you guys were going on dates all the time… but not really anymore?”

Even Quark had to give his two cents about Julian relationship maelstrom: “In my bar, there isn’t supposed to be moping, Doctor! It’s disturbing my clients.”

“....”

“Let it go, Quark, it’s not easy for Julian right now.”

“Ah, and that is because of your boyfriend Mr. Garak, right?”

“Jadzia…?”

“I didn’t say anything, I swear.”

“You’re a clever boy, but I’ll let you know - Rule of Acquisition 48 of the Ferengi states…”

“I’m not listening, Quark!”

“... Julian, let it go!”

“The wider someone smiles, the sharper…”

“Lalala! I’m not listening!”

“-his knife is!”

“Come on, Julian, get over here-”

“Nope, gotta puke!”

“I just wanted to give you some good advice!”

“Ugh, shut your mouth!”

“Now now, be that as it may... Jadzia, what our dear doctor drank tonight will be on your tab.”

_How does he know everything? That asshole…_

 

\---------------

 

At university, he couldn’t avoid the stupid questions either.

Sarina: “And how was everything last night? Were you at Garak’s?”

“No.”

“Oh, relationship troubles?”

“I’ve no idea when I told you guys that I’m in a relationship with him?”

Jack: “You didn’t have to, your attitude and your words speak for you. You aren’t the smartest person on the planet, Bashir! We can think too! Besides I always did think you were bi!”

On the way home, Julian vigorously kicked around a can. _Wonder if Garak knows that because of him, I’ve got a new sexual identity! And that I shouldn’t think about our relationship, ugh!_

Amazingly, he kept his poker face on throughout all of it.

When he finally arrived at home, not on the computer and not bothering himself with others, then came the crushing thoughts. The apex of his dilemma crested in the evening, as he fell into bed, tired, and noticed on his dresser, beneath studying materials, was a book…

_That book… it belongs to him…_

He remembered then, how he had gotten it from Garak. How happy he had been in that moment.

_And now?..._

The young man had the need to swiftly grab the book and throw it out the window.

But then he was paralyzed by a striking pain. He felt like, in that moment, that a hot needle was boring its way through his stomach.

“Ugh!” _This is pure torture!_

All of his busykeeping had not really helped him as much as he had hoped. _It can’t go on like this!_ “But how…” he softly asked the ceiling. _How should I change something?_

Julian once again felt the clutching in his throat. He swallowed twice, with difficulty, to fight and win against his tears. _If this gets any more angsty, I’d rather die…_

He had to look at the situation in a neutral manner.

_What would Odo do?_

That lasted a few seconds, and then shot through him abruptly. He rocketed up and dug around in his bag for a piece of paper and a pen. A pro and con list, that should help. It’ll be neutral and emotionless! “Odo would be proud of me.”

Incredibly excited by his idea, he prepped himself to write, but then did nothing. He stared at the paper. _Come on already!_

His hand simply did not want to move.

Dammit!

The paper lay empty and white.

_Is this just not going to happen?_ He closed his eyes. The lines of the paper danced before his eyelids. _Stressful, ugh… okay, think logically!_

He gathered himself and gripped his pen more tightly.

_Okay, so I like him, a lot in fact. Yeah, I’m in this pretty deep, that’s clear. And yeah, he’s older, a Cardassian, blah, blah… so what would it be that would keep me with him?_ _Is it possibly that I am just curious about sleeping with a man?_ Julian blinked thoughtfully at the table. He wasn’t so unexperienced with the same sex. But did some making out and fumbling about really count?

Julian drew a light, thin line across the paper with the pen.

_No, if it was only about testing things out, I wouldn’t need him for that._

He paused again. _Is it because he’s a Cardassian?_ With a shiver he thought of all of the other Cardassians he knew. He didn’t feel any draw towards any of them. Sure, they were mostly people of prestige and in high places… but, ugh God no! That isn’t it.

Instead of putting down productive things on his paper, Julian sketched circles, squares…. _Is it because he’s so charming? I just love the way he_ is… and a sun appeared in between the figures and shapes.

_I think I feel something for him… actually, no “think!” It’s a fact. I want to talk to him, spend time with him, to see him and hold his hand, and I want to kiss him and sleep with him and…_

A huge wave followed the little stickmen…

_And I want a relationship, something steady. I don’t want to lose him, I want him to myself. Is that wrong?_

He paused briefly. His hand however stilled for only a moment. One of the stick men took on a grim expression and with a rapid hand moment Julian wrote “Dukat” above it. Another stick man followed directly behind him.

No, it just felt so right. _I can’t imagine a relationship with anyone else...._

The stick figure got a circle in the right stick hand, a pan, Julian decided, which should be smacked down on Dukat’s head. “Kira” was a brave little stick person.

_Can I really be with him if others will see us like that?_

_Yeah, but haven’t I had that for a while?_

_Why in the world would he ask me what he did?_

The memory of the past conversation with Garak washed over Julian in bitterness again.

He released, with all of his strength, the pen.

… _Because he was scared, that he would lose me because this isn’t serious to me?_

_Yeah, but how can I let him know that this isn’t some phase?_

A wild black scrawl shot across the page, stick figures Kira and Dukat, and the sun and the squares, everything became unrecognizable.

There isn’t just one piece of evidence I can give him, I need to show him every day that he can trust me. Every day, anew.

“And it is hard for you to trust…”

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have Kukulaka here this time! YEAH :D In other news: Summaries are dumb.  
> But in this chapter, they reconcile! ;D and hey, Kukulaka is there!  
> Warning- not beta’d! Have fun! :D   
> [Translator's note: Short but good :D Wohoo new chapter!]

Julian threw his bag in a free corner of his apartment. “Shit,” he snorted and flopped onto the couch. He slipped deeper in and noticed how he relaxed somewhat. He fixed his gaze on a poster of his favorite band that was hanging slightly crookedly on the wall. _I can hang that up again…_

“Dammit!” He gave the little table in front of him a shove; it moved back a few centimeters. To him, it had all gone insane. The situation between him and Garak still wasn’t made clear.

Julian had sent a text to Garak after he had tried to make that pros-and-cons list. It was a short message: “Sorry, I really overreacted. Hope you’re not too angry.”

_Boy howdy, Julian, would you look at those conflict management skills!_

This text didn’t improve the situation at all- at least it didn’t make it worse- and he got only a neutral “Don’t mention it” as a response.

_And now…?_

It had now been eleven consecutive days since he had not seen Garak. _I want to see him, dammit._

He wrapped his arms around his torso and squeezed lightly. “How do you do it, you just mess it up….”

His gaze wandered to the little stuffed animal in the corner of his living room cabinet. “It’s not like I didn’t try. I mean...” _I want his closeness, to hear his voice, to kiss him, dammit I want to kiss him! And I want him to kiss me on the throat.. and..._

“Crap...” He sighed and tried to make the bulge in his pants not obvious. “I know, I’m such a hero,” he said with an ironic self-sacrificing tone, and threw two thumbs up at the little plush bear. _Shit, I want this so much. But how am I supposed to make THIS work if we aren’t even speaking?_

The student tried to release some of the tension in his chest and stand up. Heavy steps brought him to his bag; his phone was buried in between the books and notepads.

“How am I supposed to do this?” he asked softly and helplessly. He glanced from his phone to the teddy bear in the hopes that it would stir him into movement.

“...”

Julian unlocked his phone and opened the message window. Maybe something like: _“Hi Garak, I’ve got a real emergency here, can we have passionate sex and forget this entire thing that happened?”_

After he said the words aloud he started to smile. _Maybe I should do this with a bit more style._ “Would it help if I threw a few foreign words in there? Then it’ll seem classy. What do you think?”

The teddy bear scowled silent and unbiased.

“Your silence is as good as a no.” Julian walked a few steps and relaxed his hand and tossed his phone up and down. He could only clear this up in a conversation, in order to avoid misunderstandings.

He skipped from the message screen to the telephone contacts. _God, this is like a rough nightmare!_

Before he dialed the number, he hesistated briefly. _Is he even going to answer when he sees I’m calling?_

His heart was slamming so loudly that he could barely hear the beep at the end of the line.

“Good evening, Julian.”

Julian held his breath. _Oh god, his voice! He sounds so… kind._

“Good evening… Elim,” said Julian carefully, and left a pause after saying the other’s name.

“How are you?”

_What a question!_

“Um, yeah, it’s going. Been pretty occupied…” _And not just with classes. Okay, breathe!_

“Elim, I have to apologize first. Just to leave was… not really nice.” Julian quickly collected himself. “And yeah, I would like to see you even if I’ve made a mess of this. Maybe just to clear things up, but also just, I mean, I miss you, I want to see you.”

On the other end reigned silence; Julian tried to imagine Garak right then, but he had never gone through this situation with him.

_Was that wrong to say?_

“That’s contradictory, isn’t it?” asked Julian and noticed how his hope then vanished.

“Maybe a bit, yes. But you do know-” and Julian could hear Garak smiling as he spoke- “I would also like to see you. Then we are both simply contradictory, only it will be me conveying that fully.”

Julian started to laugh softly and took a moment to breathe deeply.

“Okay, then, um, can I invite you over to my place Friday? I mean, that way I can’t run away,” he joked. The uncomfortable pressure in Julian’s sternum faded. _Finally!_

“What are you thinking of then?”

“Hm… I’m thinking a movie night.” A very short pause followed before the younger man hastily added an addendum, “Of course it would be a film you like too, I have classmate that really likes classical Romulan films. I can ask him to loan me one…” The student paced with his phone plastered to his ear back and forth. Around and around the living room. Julian threw a proud look at the teddy bear.

“A very good idea, I would be quite pleased when I could spend Friday evening in your company.”

_Yes! Oh please, I’d better not be dreaming!_ Julian balled his free hand into a fist and did a little jump, putting much effort into making sure his friend did not notice his little happy dance.

“Okay, so just come over at 8pm on Friday. Just wear casual stuff, we’re not going far. I’m excited.”

“Me as well… my dear.”

_He said it! Yes!_ Julian’s legs started to tremble slightly.

“A good evening to you, Julian.”

“Thanks, you too.” This farewell seemed so conventional that Julian put a little extra energy into the last word. He imagined as if Garak stood before him, and gave him a kiss as a farewell.

_Friday is two days away… Couldn’t I have suggested tomorrow instead?_

“So that was that?” He breathed deeply out. “Onto the next step.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This applies to this and the next chapter:  
> I have to admit that it is very very difficult for me to write physical scenes between these two. Fundamentally is the fact that I have lots of respect for the characters, and a physical scene, no matter how well written, always feels “not worthy” enough for the characters that I truly like. Therefore I had decided to tackle the physical aspect of the story at this point, and it will only be once in the entire story.   
> For me it was terribly hard and anyhow, now after a good two years, I want to erase it all as if I had never written it ;D but here it is!   
> The reason of respect for the excellent characters is among other things why I haven’t written Dukat at all - yeah, he is my favorite character.  
> Not beta’d!
> 
> [Translator's note: Don't worry it only goes to T this chapter, for those of you who aren't fans of explicit things!]

As the bell rang it was, with nothing else expected, exactly 8 pm.

_That guy is always punctual to the second. How does he do that?_ Somewhat nervous, Julian straightened his shirt. He hoped Garak would like it.

“The cream tones compliment your eyes,” he had once said. And Julian had noted exactly that himself. When his t-shirt looks good, the rest must follow suit as well.

_Hang in there, Julian!_ he motivated himself in his head, pulling his top straight again. And then the young man opened the door, confidently. _Breathe!_

“Good evening, Julian.”

_Ah…_ Julian’s heart hammered in his chest.

“May I come in?”

Julian could only barely contain his broad grin. _I must look like an idiot! But whatever! He’s really here!_

“Yes, of course, come in.” Julian stepped a half step to the right and made enough room for Garak to come in. As his friend slowly passed by him, Julian checked him over with attention. _I haven’t seen him in only two weeks but it’s felt like an eternity._

“Pardon me, is there a problem?” The fixed stare of the young man did not escape Garak’s notice. The Cardassian was struggling to keep it together. He didn’t know where this evening would leave; another fight would be unbearable for him. Julian is a clever and sincere man. He would not act as if nothing had happened.

The student caught the questioning look of his friend who said, “No, only- what do you take to mean ‘casual’? You’re wearing a white shirt.”

_No, that’s the first thing he talks about? This man is… enchanting._ Garak smiled. “True but also just jeans.”

“Dark jeans… it looks like we are heading out to a fancy restaurant again.” The student had to observe his guest more closely again. If only to just settle the matter that Garak looked fantastic in anything.

“Oh, no worries, Julian. Tonight we are not going out to eat. Only men of my age must be concerned how we leave the house.” Garak gave Julian a brief pause to let him in on the joke. Shaking his head after, he then added  “It doesn’t please you then?” There lay underneath the words a seductive undertone.

_Oh…_ Julian noted how he was turning somewhat red. _I can’t remember when this man didn’t please me._ The student had to clear his throat awkwardly. _Answer already!_

“I like it, of course… but perhaps a bit unsuited for a movie night in,” he said, and then gestured to himself. In comparison, his cream-colored v-neck shirt was well-chosen but the running pants were really, most definitely, typically for a movie night in. “You’ve got a lot to learn, Garak.”

“Likely,” laughed the older man and left a clear impress with his gaze: _Never in my life have I been so attracted to someone!_

A smile flickered over Julian’s lips. _It feels so good. Just like always and… as if we had never fought… shit, how am I supposed to talk about this?_

He wandered away from Garak and closed the door to his apartment. Somehow the hesitant smile vanished from his face as he remembered their conversation from a few days ago.

Instantly the Cardassian noticed how the young man was weighing his next words.

“Julian?”

“Ah, yeah, I am just happy that you came…” And then Julian stared at the floor blankly.

Another moment he hesitated. And then another.

Something in him didn’t want to wreck this newfound harmony. But his mind seemed to win. Julian wanted to clarify all of this.

_No, I_ have _to!_

_And that will not be easy._

His friend was meanwhile trying to catch Julian’s gaze. “I acted like an idiot…” the young man finally admitted. Not the most elegant entrance that he could have come up with. With all of his strength he forced himself to look up. As he met Garak’s gaze, he was shocked.

Julian’s eyes shone like ever before, no, they were shining, tired, from all of the worries that had pressed on him. And instantly Garak wanted to take them, see them smiling again.

“I perhaps provoked it. I am not completely innocent this time either, Julian. To that I must say that I am more than happy that you contacted me. I had concerns that you did not want to partake in my company anymore.” _And for the first time I am unsure of my standing with you…_ the Cardassian added in his mind.

Rarely did Garak let boring, monotonous truths encompass so much room in his mind like they did in this moment.

“With you, I only wanted… it was maybe a misunderstanding, can we just let it go?” asked Julian hastily. His voice sounded rough.

“Understood.”

_How….?_

Julian’s heart made a statement before his head could follow. “Understood?” repeated Julian from what was said in his head. _Is all this behind me now? That was it….?_

Although the statement from the Cardassian seemed so unreal, Julian allowed himself to hope. He breathed deeply.

Garak looked over expectantly at his friend.

“Then… I’m glad that we could clear this up.” The statement from the younger man seemed absent-minded.

“As am I,” concurred Garak, although he felt that Julian hadn’t truly said much. He waited patiently for Julian to apparently concoct the right sentences together.

“This misunderstanding,” started Julian hesitantly,” did have something good come out of it.”

Garak raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve been thinking about how you would like it,” Julian said neutrally.

The Cardassian felt a strong spike of uncertainty. _How could I have thought that he hadn’t thought anything of it? After all, it is as if I had compelled him to do so._ Garak had to make a supreme effort to not show his concern. “And what is the result, Doctor?”

Julian crossed his right hand on his left arm, somewhat embarrassed. “Is the fact that I am here and want to see you enough?”

“Mhm, perhaps you should think about this a bit more,” said Garak teasingly. His charm should take care of Julian not feeling pushed into anything.

The student stood there, unbelieving, jaw dropped. _He’s making a joke out of this!_

_But…_

Julian noted how the situation was relaxing.

... _that’s a good thing!_

“Ah, should I? Yeah, maybe you are right, I could find someone else in two years. When I am rich and famous.”

“Possibly.”

“But Elim, I am fairly happy right now.”

“And in two years as well? Or three? I mean, when you are finally rich and famous,” said Garak, continuing the intriguing description of Julian’s future.

The younger man laughed briefly, but then shook his head. “Even when I’m not rich, with a Cardassian boyfriend I will still be well-known.” Julian winked at Garak. “And perhaps a bit infamous.”

“Now listen here!”

The student nodded gleefully. “But would you believe me then, when I say that I’m definitely not just looking for a new adventure? I mean… it doesn’t matter like that.” Julian’s eyes rested on Garak expectantly. He hoped for a little, positive reaction. Everything would be set right then.

_Just don’t doubt what I said again!_ Julian would even take silence as positive now. _Please Elim, don’t destroy this…_

“Then I believe you.”

_Huh? What?_

Garak’s deep voice boomed into Julian’s thoughts.

“You believe me?” asked Julian, ripped out of his composure.

“Yes. Should I not?” Garak held Julian in place with his gaze.

“The last time you didn’t give my words much weight.” His voice sounded sincere, true, but this time there wasn’t a lump in the young man’s throat that made speaking harder.

“I have seen that you have grown up a bit, Julian. I have held myself to trust you more in the future. You have earned it.”

_Wow…_ “Elim…” _Wow! Oh my god! The apocalypse is nigh!_ “I have to say, I’m kind of surprised about your change of heart.”

The Cardassian sighed. “Only for you.”

Julian’s voice rose in pitch. “I mean… wow!”

“I will take this ‘wow’ to be something positive, correct?” Garak balked slightly at hear this utterance.

Julian nodded as he slowly still realized he was not dreaming. “But… “ said the student hesitantly, and said slowly, “Trust?” He was nearly overcome with laughter. “That word isn’t one I would have figured would be in your vocabulary.”

Julian stepped toward Garak and pressed his hand twice into the chest of the other. “Are you real?”

Somehow the two had done it, gotten caught up in their usual and comfortable level of banter. They began their game again without having been wrapped up in serious discussion.

“Hm, I can learn something from this as well, my young friend.” He pressed himself into Julian’s contact to close in on the distance between them. And the student began to understand the joyful situation of their conversation. An overwhelming feeling of happiness washed over him.

He pulled his head back a bit and looked over Garak, deliberating, as the other fixed his blue eyes on the younger man.

“I have to test something now.” Julian loosed his hand from Garak and laid both arms over the other’s shoulders. “So, when I would say to you, that I like you very much. More than anyone else I know, would you believe me?”

“Julian, if you want to exhaust this conversation…”

“I’m not trying to exhaust anything! When I mess around I- come on already, answer!”

“My dear…”

Julian’s gaze contained both lust and challenge. “That’s a good game,” he commented softly. And then in that moment it was as if the young man had been swapped out for another. “Answer!”

Garak rolled his eyes.

“Oh Garak, I know that you can’t refuse me! You adore me.”

“How is a so narcissistic man so dependent on the affirmation of others?”

“Nah-ah! Don’t change the topic!” Julian furrowed his brow. “Tell me, would you believe me?”

Garak collected himself. It was clear to him that Julian wanted to match up to him. It was unbelievably relieving that they could go back to this level of comfort after such a misunderstanding. And even though Garak would have liked to have bantered a bit more with the student, what he said now was fully sincere and honest. “I would try to.”

Julian’s eyes became large. It was instantly clear to him that the Cardassian was being serious. Julian tried to say thank you. _Thank you Elim, that means a lot to me._ Instead he said “Say it: I believe you, Julian.”

Garak hummed in response. “Do I have to play along?” he asked, annoyed.

Julian smiled triumphantly. “I order you to!”

“Okay, I believe you, Julian, said the Cardassian, clearly exerting effort.

“Um, that sounded positively gruesome. Other times you lie so easily.”

“I think that with you I am falling out of practice.”

“Oh, I’ve got it!” Julian drew closer to his friend. He pressed his forehead against Garak’s. “Say: I believe you, you fantastic, good-looking, intelligent-”

“Never!” interrupted Garak firmly.

Julian squinched his nose. “Shame.” The growing silence between the two of them caused the young man to look inward briefly. “Elim,” said Julian, desire in his voice.

Garak felt the increasing warmth between them and allowed himself to traverse the last centimeter and kiss Julian.

Julian became weak at the knees and had the feeling he had to shiver. He pressed himself more into the Cardassian. His desire for intimacy and warmth increased. _Kissing… how I’ve missed that so much…_

Julian’s kiss following that thought were more intimate, longer, and more certain. Garak softly laid his hand on Julian neck and pulled him in lightly for the next kiss, and then the one after. Julian let the feeling of relief freely roam from where it had been held in his stomach, in his head, in his chest. It was done, somehow it was all done. They had made up. _And, moreso, it was much better than it was before!_

When he stopped kissing the other man out of relief and started out of desire, he wasn’t sure. However his accelerating heartbeat, and the feeling of passion, which was quickly overriding his relief, were clear… and he was becoming unbearably hot.

Julian’s increasing excitement did not pass by Garak unnoticed. Although he didn’t want the situation to develop any further without- well, not yet-

_If I lose control that would not be conducive-_

He pushed the younger man a step away from him, who gave him an irritated look. “Did we not want to watch the movie originally?”

_What?_...

Julian’s head had to wrap itself around the sudden withdrawl, a reboot of his thoughts completely necessary. It took a few seconds for him to speak.

“Movie?”

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Translator's Note: Wow, apparently moving to a new country, starting grad school, and having a 2 hour commute per day makes very little time for translation! So months later, please enjoy this 5k+ new chapter!  
> Also - it gets explicit!! I will BOLD the parts sentence that begins the explicit part, and at that point, if you do not wish to read explicit parts, the rest of the chapter is basically explicit, so just wait until the next chapter is translated. Thanks!]

Julian stepped one foot in front of the other, noticeably exerting an effort to retain his concentration. The hallway in his living area had never seemed so long and stressful before.

Garak followed him, amused at the somewhat confused behavior of the other man.

He chose to enjoy the stillness and say nothing; Julian’s demeanor spoke for itself and it was expressly attractive to see him like this.

The Cardassian knew that he could in any case flirt well, had a particular effect on people, alone due to his charms, but this young med student had leapt at him so quickly, he had never imagined it like this in his dreams, but had definitely hoped.

Like hitting a mile marker, Julian held the DVD case high. _Wow, done! Kind of emotional at the end there but we’re done!_ “Tadaa!” he said aloud. Julian was fairly proud that he had found a culturally sophisticated movie. It was a typical Garak film, at least he would like to describe it as such. “I hope the movie speaks to you.” He gestured self-consciously at the DVD cover. It was for him nearly impossible to pronounce the Romulan words, and he would have been guessing what the words meant anyway.

As he had asked his friend which of the many Romulan films they could recommend, he had accidentally stumbled into a monologue that lasted for several minutes. It was hard for him to follow, and it lasted for what felt like an eternity to Julian until T’kar gave him three options to choose from.

And the one that had a plot that sounded the closest to a spy adventure was the one that he chose.

“I am not aware of this one. Interesting, where did you come by it?”

Garak swiped the DVD case as Julian lifted the disc out. “I have my sources.” He grinned proudly.

“Oh, a doctor full of secrets then.”

“Of course!”

While the disc was reading Julian picked up a piece of paper. He had placed it right next to the TV and remote. Because Romulans had little to do with other, “inferior” languages, he had to write a few of the menu directions down. His little cheat sheet should prove sufficient. He familiarized himself with the symbols, which showed the letters and picked out the aforewritten notes from T’kar that hopefully showed the right options.

Armed with the paper and the remote he headed to t he couch and set himself down next to Garak, but with the necessary distance. Stressed, the young man tried to navigate through the welcome screen. The confusing options on the screen alone were an attack on his eyes. “Wait a moment, Elim, I’ve got it.”

_This paper is useless!_

_With luck this is the 3-Date symbol here…_

“You need to click on the point on the left, that says ‘Play’,” said Garak and motioned with his hand in Julian’s field of vision so that he saw.

“Oh, okay, on it.” And then the screen became quickly black, clearly Romulan letters appeared and the movie began.

_Awful!_ Julian morosely laid the remote to the side and stared at the screen. _Am I seriously doing this right now?_

Not that he had anything against the film. Although there was that Romulan films were challenging, but anyway… There was something that the young man was far more interested in.

_When have I really done a movie night without doing THAT?_

He looked over, somewhat lost, at the man next to him.

Garak clearly noticed the look from his side, how could he have ignored it? Julian was staring so obviously at him. _You simply must say something, Doctor…_

The Cardassian was unsure of what Julian was expecting of him, and knew that perhaps Julian didn’t even know for himself.

A few more moments of silence passed.

And already the film was complex and hard to grasp. Julian had already lost the plot thread. In fact, he had never made an effort to keep it.

_This isn’t about a stupid film, dammit!_

“Oh, look at that, Julian,” commented Garak suddenly and motioned at the TV. “Consider for a moment, when one observes the historical background, then…”

_Oh god he’s analyzing the film for me!_

Julian had to start concentrating anew, more than he had to before. The young man was putting out an effort, a huge effort even, to catch up with Garak’s explanations. But Julian just couldn’t absorb anything. He was too busy with the thoughts spinning in his head. _It’s just all “blah blah blah.” I read the booklet!_

The older was very sure that had he started explaining something to Julian in Cardassian, Julian would have nodded along.

“Hmm, very interesting,” hummed the student, who pulled the DVD case toward himself. Slowly he pulled out the slim booklet. _I’m not even going to check it out anyway...._

For a few more minutes he starred at the ugly colorful letters in the booklet, then up shortly at the film, unsure of what was slightly less bad for him.

“What is going on, Julian?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean,” said Garak, turning his body to face Julian, “do you not want to see the movie?”

“Ah, but yes, or else I wouldn’t have picked it up.”

“For that, you’re watching shockingly little of the movie.”

“I’m reading the booklet too.” The aforementioned booklet was flapped demonstrably in the air at that.

“You... “ said Garak softly and rocked towards Julian somewhat, who noticed how his heart rate accelerated.

“... are holding it incorrectly. How do you want to read it?”

A glance at the booklet, and then a second later it was thrown on the table. _Crap!_

“Why do you do that, Elim?”

“What, with the booklet?”

Julian rolled his eyes. “No, the booklet has nothing to do with it! You.. um…” Julian searched for the right words, Garak giving him the time for it.

“You’re sitting with me here, right. And we made up, and we kissed, and nothing is going to happen after that?”

The Cardassian laughed, amused. “Oh Julian, something surely does, but only when you show me that it is all alright.”

_That again.._

Julian sighed, annoyed. _I should have known…_

“What should I do?”

The Cardassian saw the helplessness mixed with powerlessness in Julian’s eyes. He noticed how the younger man was definitely on the edges of his patience and that he should not push those borders any further. Julian noted an interesting sparkle in Garak’s eye, something unknown to him.

“Why do you ask me? You decide.”  Garak took Julian’s hand and squeezed it lightly.

_I will do everything that you wish, my Julian._

He did not say this thought, but he wanted to transmit it through his action, and he was sure that the other understood him.

“Good. I decide.” There lay something resolute in his voice. “And please don’t patronize me, okay?”

“Of course not.”

“And you believe me when I tell you this?”

“When you tell me what?”

“That I want to have sex with you.”

Garak nodded. “Of course I believe you, my dear. Who would not believe Julian Bashir when he says so?”

“Hey now, let it go!”

“Apologies, but you are so delicious when you are irritated.”

The student swallowed hard. _I won’t be going back now!_

“Okay then…” Julian hesitated briefly, and then pressed onto Garak and kissed him softly. “... I want to have sex with you now.” Alone these words turned Julian on more than he had thought they would.

Garak didn’t appear to doubt the young man’s resolution, but rather that this all wasn’t a dream. However, this spurred the Cardassian on. _This is where we find out if I have made him from my imagination or if he is real…_

**The break in movement felt too long to Garak. He laid a hand on Julian’s neck, pulled him gently towards him to kiss again, this time more urgently.**

Thoughts clanged around in Julian’s head, his blood winging through his veins so quickly, the incomprehensible language from the Romulan crime film no longer engaging him.

Garak released himself from the kiss only briefly, only a few centimeters, and Julian could feel Garak’s breath on his lips. Julian quickly considered what he should say.  But it was utter waste, he could be doing much better things with his mouth at the moment. Another kiss followed.

This comforting feeling, this stimulation that he was feeling was far more moving than any other partner that he had had before, somehow he wished that this feeling would completely numb him, then his head would be hindered from thinking, it penetrated his core that he was becoming so warm, he wanted to lose this feeling in this kiss…

_But seriously, what is that, Julian…?_

This insight was a little uncomfortable for the young man; he himself didn’t know this side of himself until recently. That he was so drawn to someone, a man who was older than him, was something he was getting more and more used to.

And every day it felt easier.

Garak understood this feeling, however, so slow and patient, undemanding. And now Julian could not wait even a bit more.

The heat that grew from the kisses spread quickly through Julian’s body and seemed to focus on his groin. _He is doing this so well! And he’s also so cultured, prudent, intelligent, and…_

As Garak explored Julian’s lips, his thought train abruptly ended.

_Dammit - It’s turning me on!_ He approached Julian so confidently that the younger man became weak. Julian definitely wanted to experience more of Garak’s expertise in this area;  without losing contact he scooted so close as he could to Garak. Now they sat entwined on his couch, both kissing, breathing hard and definitely exhilarated.

After a few seconds he extracted himself somewhat awkwardly from Garak, who gave him a questioning look. Garak himself had some problems evaluated what Julian was doing. It was more than just difficult to hold himself back, to not pull him back again and to force him into more kisses.

Before the correct and appealing words could form a charming and formal sentence in Garak’s head, the younger man stood up. Garak followed this up with another questioning glance - Julian avoided it, but his gaze was clear, somehow focused, his cheeks a light pink and - _oh_ \- as Garak’s eyes fell onto Julian’s sweatpants, he had to fight the urge to immediately take this man.

Julian hesitated a second, exchanged glances with Garak, breathed in; he wished to bring some sense of tranquility in his following movements with that breath, the success of which was only moderate. He felt odd, his hands did not shack as he pulled off his shirt, but they felt somewhat stiff, tense through excitement, curiosity, and nervousness.

His head told him plainly: _Keep going!_

_Can I trust my thoughts, above everything else?_

Garak had to lightly let his mouth fall open, his breath stopped briefly, and in this moment he lost his normally perfect poker face. _Oh, God…_ His gaze fell onto the hazelnut brown chest of Julian, and it pleased him more than how all of his fantasies had painted the other man.

The Cardassian tried as well as he could to capture in his mind the image of every contour, every delicacy - his gaze wandered from the sweatpants band over the horizon of the slight stomach muscles, over the chest with the soft and gentle nipples until the fine outline of Julian’s collarbone.

Julian’s chest heaved and sank irregularly, and as Garak eyes met Julian’s, they only asked for acknowledgement.

The younger held the scrutinizing and penetrative gaze of the other not for long and let his eyes fall onto himself. There he stood with his shirt in his right hand, deeply turned on in front of his boyfriend. He followed through with the following motion a bit late; he threw his shirt on the free end of the couch and positioned his knees on either side of Garak and sank his hips to the other’s lap.

“Where did I get the idea that you really like this position?” The older lightly laid his hands on Julian’s hips and gave him a short, gentle kiss.

“Do you like me?” breathed Julian, under the influence of intense concentration against the lips of his partner as he ended the kiss.

“How did you ever reach the conclusion that it was otherwise?” commented Garak, who also could not restrain the excitement in his voice. Julian had to happily smile and wanted to kiss him again, but Garak pulled his torso back a few centimeters and took the opportunity away.

“Um, what is it?” asked Julian hesitantly, unsure if he had made a mistake.

“Please be kind and give me a moment, my dear.”

A devouring smile followed, and he let the student lie in the unknown for a moment. Garak leaned against the back of the couch and observed Julian, who was still perched on Garak’s hips, once more.

“I want to memorize every detail of you.”

It was somewhat embarrassing for Julian to be scrutinized as such; he noted how the blood rushed quickly to his ears as Garak rested his content and desiring gaze on him.

Another unbearable moment later Julian suddenly twitched as Garak glided his left hand along Julian’s sweatpants band. It was an indescribably exciting feeling, and just as meaningful as the first kiss, if not better!

_It was way better!_

Garak let his hand wander further, so slowly, and yes, it was more decisive as he felt further along. His very pale hand on dark skin made it seem as if he would be burned by Julian’s warm body. The singular lines that Garak was making across Julian’s stomach, the contours of the muscles being drawn by fingers, tingled almost unbearably.

Julian began to notice how he became powerless in the face of his excitement. One moment later, Garak paused his hand’s movements and exchanged an intense look with Julian. He moved first his right hand away, and then the left followed, always placed slightly further up on the other.

Julian groaned, tense, and had the feeling he couldn’t hold it together anymore like this. “Elim, please…”

“Does that not please you?”

“It really really does!”

“My dear, you are too impatient, as always.” The Cardassian gave Julian a passionate kiss and allowed himself to freely explore the other’s body. He skimmed Julian’s nipples; now Julian’s level of breath control was untenable and he groaned into the kiss.

The student extracted himself from Garak to gasp for some air as his partner restimulated the sensitive area with another swipe. It was like a light electric shock zapping through him, one that Julian wanted more as it flew through him.

“Ah…” exhaled Julian, unusually loudly, as he wondered how this light skin contact dragged it out of his core, he had so much desire built up, each movement of the other man on his bare skin steadily adding to the yearning inside of him. He slid closer to Garak and tried to maintain eye contact; it was still a bit uncomfortable for him. _I must look so stupid, being so turned on!_

Garak noticed that Julian sought to be closer to him. “I take it that you are enjoying this?”

“Very much so.”

“I want to give you so much that you feel you’re drowning in passion, my dear.” He laid a finger under Julian’s chin and moved it so as to hold steady the eye contact. “You are so beautiful, my Julian.” Garak’s eyes were so much clearer and more expressive than they had ever been.

“Elim…” _I’m not stopping this anymore!_

“Julian,” said Garak, decisively, as he traced his fingers along the marked plane of Julian’s collarbone. Again, the younger man felt this unbelievably intimate gesture, and blood rushed down to his lower half as he forced his eyes shut briefly. Garak used this moment to pull Julian towards him and place a light kiss on his collarbone.

Ah!

Alone imagining Garak kissing Julian with his soft lips was enough to turn him on, but to actually feel it was incomparable. The kisses Garak was placing upon his collarbone and neck slowly broke Julian down more and more. It was so strikingly warm, his blood rushing loud and fast, and he was unbearably hard.

To lose control of himself so quickly was new for Julian. He gave Garak another short moment - he wanted to keep feeling those lips on his throat - feeling how he ran his tongue over the younger man’s chest, enjoying the warmth that was taking over him.

Julian inhaled to bring some calm to his body. He took Garak’s face in his hands from his chest and kissed him, he had to. All of his heat and passion passed from one to the other in this kiss.

_Incredible, how Garak just translates this energy back to me…_

He pulled Julian somewhat closer to him, but in no moment did he loosen his hands from Julian’s body. This giddiness built and built as the younger man fell into this position, he was worn down through kisses, the movements of the other man - oh _God_ \- he did it with such _skill_ \- !

Julian gently pushed Garak back and therefore broke the kiss.

_What?_ For a quick moment Garak thought he had crossed Julian’s boundaries, but before he could say anything, he was proven the exact opposite. Julian took Garak’s left hand from his chest and pulled it towards his member, breathing heavily.

The moment paused any movement in between them. Garak lightly leaned forward and slid his hand in Julian’s waistband to find where the younger man had motioned him to be.

“Please don’t… stare so,” muttered Julian, somewhat embarrassed and moved, and fixed his eyes definitively elsewhere.

Garak gathered himself before the situation could go any further. “Should I go on?”

“I’d be more than relieved if you would… please.”

The awkwardness in Julian’s eyes let Garak once more realize how much he cared for this young man. In this moment the future doctor was so sweet, so much that Garak knew he wanted to devour this man and make him his own. Garak felt the strong warmth between the waistband of the sweatpants and his skin. He slid the pants down a noticeable bit from the hips and exposed Julian’s shaft. Here Garak let his gaze linger- there wasn’t a part of Julian’s body that didn’t appeal to him. And he noted how difficult it was to restrain himself. Naturally, he had been with many other partners and gone much further, but this was the man that he had desired for months, who was the world to him, whom he had developed deep feelings for.

He laid his index finger on the sensitive top of the other, and Julian lightly shuddered beneath him. Slowly, he made his way first with one finger and stroked small circles around the head.  

With his thumb and index finger, Garak slowly began to massage Julian, who had closed his eyes. He suspected that Garak would not directly bring him to… relief by these means. He gasped sharply as Garak took him completely in hand and began to finally stroke him.

“I can do this the entire night, if only you would continue to make those lovely sounds.”

“Glad that you like them…” said Julian weakly and tried to think clearly as he breathed heavily.

“Shall I…?”

Before Julian was in the headspace to answer, to show that he could keep up with all of this, Garak kissed him intensely and began to stroke more quickly. “Come now, I want to hear you--!” Garak whispered close to his ear.

To make things even more profoundly sensitive, Garak scratched with his other hand over Julian’s nipple, and then it happened again, that sweet and thrilling sound.

To try to keep up with Garak in this particular area was about as useless as trying to match him in any other aspect of his life, Julian noticed. Julian had tried, anyway, if only for a brief time.

But it was just too arousing, too much.

He laid his head on Garak’s shoulder and didn’t want to hold himself back anymore, he wanted to be overwhelmed. Instinctively he shifted his hips lightly up so that more of himself was in Garak’s hand. Garak mirrored the shift with the motions of his hand. Julian was hit by waves of heat, one after the other, the movements became faster and harder--

For a moment he had his friend’s hand wrapped around himself, massaging, and his desire climbed higher and higher-

_No--!_ Julian didn’t want to finish, not so quickly.

But it was nearly the mere thought of Garak being the one doing that brought him to his end.

“Oh, Elim,” gasped Julian against Garak’s shoulder, and closed his eyes once more. Garak reacted quickly, letting go and interrupting any stimulation to Julian.

“Ah…” Julian lifted his head, still incapable of articulating himself in a reasonable fashion.

“We have time, do we not? You should be enjoying this.”

“I am enjoying this,” Julian somehow spluttered out, and tried to keep his breathing steady.

“In my eyes, you can enjoy this quite a bit more.”

Once again fully taken by desire and this feeling even this shortly after climax, Julian was not in the position, in a motor-skills way sort of speaking, to struggle as Garak shifted the student from his lap to the open couch cushion next to him. Julian had to push himself up with his left arm and settled himself quickly into a sitting position.

“Did you know, Julian, I have always wanted to know how to tasted… I had often thought of it. If you would be sweet with a… perhaps salty aftertaste?”

_Does he want to?_ “Elim, I…”

The older man seemed to give Julian’s words little attention, as no clear statement followed that one. Garak kneeled before him and pulled Julian’s hips gently towards the edge of the couch.

“And if you were to finish in my hand, I would in truth find it better that you were to end in my mouth. Do you find that as well?”

_What?!_

Julian moved his hand in front of his face; the darkness succeeded in allowing him to gather his thoughts.

“You… you don’t have to do that!”

“May I?”

“Seriously, it was already really good, Elim.”

“Julian, I am only asking if I am allowed this.”

Julian removed his hand from his eyes; the light was uncomfortably bright. Inevitably, he focused on staring on Garak, who was kneeling between his legs. Garak’s eyes glimmered like a predator ( _as it would seem to be with Cardassians…)_ and he appeared ready to go even further with Julian.

“God yes,” whispered Julian. “Please… do it.”

_You know that I adore it when you ask, you are so lovely, Julian!_ thought Garak.

A brief moment of uncertainty passed over Julian - did he really want to go this far? Not that he had set up boundaries for this, really, but he for sure hadn’t thought it would actually get this far.

Garak was paying so much attention and passion to his task that Julian’s despair was quickly washed away. _God it’s so good, already!_

The kisses that Garak was placing on his hardened member left him trembling. He saw how Garak was exploring his length with his tongue, how he ran the tip of his tongue around the head, and at the same time stroked Julian’s inner thigh. _Ahhh…_

Garak felt how Julian was responding to his movements. He knowingly licked the precum off of Julian’s member and met Julian’s eyes.

_Oh my God!_ He want this, and all of the feelings with it, to continue, but he struggled again against the strong need to come. Julian let himself fall back, had to close his eyes, and had to regulate his breathing. Relaxation wasn’t even on the table.

The Cardassian did not push it further, as he was pleased with what he was currently doing to affect the young man. It was not long until he reached satisfaction, as Julian noted how Garak encompassed him in his mouth. Yes… he had put this off long enough. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been pleasured orally so well.

Afer a second he opened his eyes : the image there was like a torturous fantasy that had finally come true. He shifted his hips up to meet the Cardassian’s movements. Garak sped up pace to match Julian’s light thrusts. The give-and-take in their movements finally brought Julian to the edge, and he noticed again how he felt, being stimulated in Garak’s mouth and came, groaning, inside

The tension sapped noticeably from his body, he slumped and closed his eyes. Small lights swam across his eyelids, and he breathed heavily out. He took another moment to fully process this intense orgasm, and then opened his eyes and sat up.

Before him his partner was kneeling on the ground, who settled a self-satisfied look upon Julian.

“Elim,” said Julian, and gripped Garak’s left upper arm to let him know to get up.

“I hope that was to your satisfaction.”

“Satisfaction?” repeated Julian in disbelief. “This was more than just...”

Garak shoved Julian up against the back of the couch as he sprang up from his position. Julian tasted himself on the Cardassian’s lips.

“No matter where my lips are on your body , it is _perfect_.” Garak’s kiss was more dominant than before, and Julian knew that he should show his gratitude at the moment. He slid to the side slightly and pulled Garak’s shirt towards him. Julian had been in so many positions on this couch, it was nothing new for him, but the person that he was doing this with, they were something else. As he looked at Garak, he was overwhelmed with the feeling of absolute intimacy that he couldn’t quite articulate. A smile broke over Julian’s lips. “May I?” He started to unbutton Garak’s shirt.

“Whatever you want, my Julian.” A length of time pass as they both reveled again in each other’s warmth. Julian felt the masculine characteristics of Garak’s torso, noticed how he pressed himself against Garak in order to get more of those firm kisses. Garak used every opportunity offered to him to run his tongue over Julian’s soft and warm skin on his chest. The young man enjoyed it, letting himself be taken by this intimate and newly thrilling feeling.  

He raised his hips a bit to rub up against the noticable bulge in Garak’s pants. The Cardassian stopped his actions and shared a meaningful look with Julian. “I ought to show my appreciation.”

Julian stroked his hand up Garak’s pants and skillfully undid the belt. _Got some practice with that…_ He grinned and noticed how Garak’s breath sped up. His hand gripped Garak’s hard shaft, which seemed about the same as his length, but slightly thicker. The desire that he saw in Garak’s eyes turned him on once more. With great care he began to give the wanted relief to the other man. “Is that alright?” asked Julian hesitantly, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“You’re doing well,” replied the Cardassian, breathing heavily.

“Pacing?”

Garak took Julian’s hand and stilled the stroking movement for a moment. Julian looked uncertainly at Garak.

“I would say something. Therefore… please continue.” He kissed Julian fondly on the cheek as he loosened his grip, allowing Julian to keep going.

Julian listened for what movements seemed to please Garak. He felt that he would have been unprepared for this sort of situation before now. The heat of Garak’s shaft pulsed through Julian’s fingertips, and a few drops of precum slid into his hand.

“Is that so fascinating that you cannot draw your eyes away?” Julian caught another tone in Garak’s voice- the man could barely hold back his excitement.

“I… find it good-looking, like you,” said Julian lightly. “I had imagined it all in my dreams, but never like this.” The memories of his dreams, where his subconcious had taken him farther than this, made him hard once again.

“You had dreamed of something like this?”

Garak’s body tensed, he began to shift with Julian’s movements, and the student remarked how the topic seemed to please his partner.

“Hm, well, yeah, something like that.”

He accelerated his movements and felt how Garak responded to them. “I was just thinking,” commented Julian, dropping his voice sensually, “how it would feel to have you inside me.”

Garak had to swallow hard when he heard that sentence, the images in his head developing as he had never allowed himself to before.

“Julian… wait.”

That was a sort of victory for Julian. He stopped his actions and let the Cardassian catch his breath.

“I’d rather not get messy here.”

“You don’t have to.”

Julian pulled Garak towards him and gave him a deep kiss, sliding in tongue.

“Just come on me,” whispered Julian against the other man’s lips, and slipped his hand towards Garak’s shaft again.

“What an… exquisite idea.”

Julian grinned, his eyes saying it all: _I’m turning you on, and I know it!_

After a few seconds the student felt how Garak was pouring onto him. _And I am really good!_ He felt definitely vindicated in his decision and that stroked his ego quite a bit. Garak leaned back after his orgasm and looked at how his come painted a rather pretty picture on Julian’s warm hazel skin. “I’m looking real great right now, aren’t I?” commented Julian casually, unusual confident this evening.

“True, but like this, it’s even better than normal.”  Garak leaned over towards Julian and kissed his beloved.

***

 

Beneath the showerhead, Julian started to grin happily again due to this latest development. (But had he actually stopped smiling in the past few minutes, really?)

He sought to follow the path Garak’s hand had taken with his own, the path on his body from two hours ago.

_So… what was tonight?_

It had in any case gone better than he had thought, and he had to know, if it was more than just fulfilling and satisfying.

It was more than just satisfying. It was perfect… teamwork.

And he wasn’t wrong, with a new partner you had to do a new strategy, something entirely different. It worked, Julian could all but fully taste how he had felt it, combined with the experience and technique of his partner, all going together exceptionally well.

The splattering of the water seemed unusually loud to Julian ; as he felt refreshed enough then, he turned off the water and grabbed his handtowel. _My cheeks are completely red, aren’t they…_ He rustled the towel quickly through his hair and styled it with his hands.

“Yeah… it’s good.”

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh my apologies for never updating. Life. You know.   
> It's Nanowrimo and I am making it my goal to finish all of my fanfics currently going (all... 2, including this translation) as well as some articles my friend had asked me to translate for him from French. Ambitious? Yes, but that's what Nano is all about! :D

Julian rolled over to his other side. It was 7 am, and he had plenty of time until his shift at DD9 started.

The first rays of the sun fell through his window, and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

Once more, twice more, the young man flipped over. _Ugh…._ It didn’t make any sense.

He focused his eyes next on the covers, and then the wall, and then his stuff for DD9, and then his cell phone.

A quick look at his phone was sufficient to gauge the distance. His head buried in the billows, he stretched out and fumbled after the device. _Got it!_ A catchy melody sang out as he turned it on.

The harsh light of the phone was nothing against the soft sun rays that filled into the room.

He pulled the covers high, turned onto his left side, and waiting until his phone was ready to use. _Nothing there…_

A message from his boyfriend flashed across the screen.

Last night consisted of him more or less halfheartedly thinking that Garak should have slept next to him. Garak had respectfully declined - _why, dammit? -_  but Julian was too tired and too exhausted (yeah, sex was a thing that wiped him out) to discuss it any further.

He must seem like a lovesick idiot, having thrown himself at Garak last night - _or was it actually very early this morning? -_ wanting to make out with him in the hall last night.

_It was a bit embarrassing…_

He straightened the covers again. To his displeasure, they were not as soft was Garak had been. His thumbs tapped twice on the screen to open the message.

 

_Good morning Julian,_

_Did you sleep as well as I did? Thank you for the beautiful and informative evening last night. You are a very exceptional person, from all perspectives._

_I wish you a pleasant shift._

_Warm wishes._

_P.S We should really see that film sometime._

 

Julian snorted. “That’s obvious.” He curled in on himself, pulling the covers a little bit higher. _I want to write him back! How should I write him? What should I write him?_ “Something…” He began to type; it was all very unusual for Julian.  

The morning after didn’t usually change anything, as everyone said. After his first time, he didn’t really feel any different. He had looked at himself in the mirror, but he had not become any more adult, nor larger, nor more awesome.

It was an experience that he in the near future would often do, for sure, but it had not changed him at all. He had sex often, good sex, with pretty girlfriends and each time the number of his experiences increased, but he felt no different.

_That_ did not change a person!

The stories about how awesome you felt after, how good, he never experienced that, the big stories about your “first time” - and in his case, the ones after too- were disenchanting.

And he was so sure it would stay like this…

 

_Morning, Elim,_

_I, of, course slept incredibly well._

_Yes, I found last night very educational, we should exchange such information more often._

(Julian just had to praise himself here for his nuanced and successful innuendo.)

_I look forward to another visit._

_P.S I’ll reserve my opinions on the movie until we’ve actually seen it._

 

His thumb moved confidently towards the “send” button.

For a brief second, Julian paused, and then he held his phone to his chest. It was cold, and he winced. He squeezed his eyes shut and curled up a little bit more. It was a rather silly sight.

… but he was wrong.

_I’m doing this all wrong! This morning is different!_

The light is brighter, his sense of smell heightened, everything around him quiet but also at the same time unbelievably energized.

It wasn’t about Garak being a man.

Definitely not.

Julian had, with help from a bit of alcohol, tried this or that with others and knew, that it wasn’t about gender.

Maybe it was a bit of Garak’s charisma, that this old man knew so much and had such good manners, that it spoiled this young student? _Yeah, that definitely works for me… but still…_

Julian remained in his crouched position, as it was too stressful to stretch out. Maybe this morning was something different, because it was intimate with someone, that he truly liked, that he felt so much for, that he had let develop for months.

And now?

Julian stretched out, the tension running from his body.

With a quick glance to the side, he rolled to the edge of the bed. With a hesitant pause, he leapt up.

True, the world around him was still, but at the same time churning, although it was muffled, muted. He somewhat awkwardly minced in his boxers to the mirror on his wardrobe.

He had definitely looked way better now!

“But now…” he murmured, grinning widely, “something has changed.”

And for the first time, that was true.

 

***

Garak looked into his book. It was a rather good book; one of his favorite authors had written it.  It was entertainingly written, the characters were believable and it was full of suspense.

But something was busying his mind far more than this wonderful piece of literature.

_Oh Elim, it’s hopeless with you…._

In order to read a page of his favorite book, he never really needed long, sometimes reading it in one go, other times two as he flipped through. But he couldn’t focus on it no matter how suspenseful or well-formulated the words were.

He read Julian’s message at least five times before he put his cell down to his side. And he could have read it 5 more times. Since early this morning, he had desperately tried to make progress in his book, to bind his thoughts to anything other than thoughts of this amazing, perfect body.

No book, not even a good tale like a Cardassian story could bring Garak’s thoughts to order. How Julian moved, how he kissed, how he smelled, how he breathed, all of these memories bubbled to the surface.

He had to close his eyes to re-experience the feelings more strongly. How Julian surrendered to him, how his body reacted to Garak’s ministratons, how he tasted…

“Goodness, how often am I going to shower today?” Garak laid his book off to the side, exhausted.

Yesterday evening had left its mark on Garak. He had never thought that he could be so fixated on someone. Understandably he could admit to having had affairs before, passions with women and men both, but he had never had such a strong connection before.

He thought frequently back to yesterday evening; it wasn’t just an intimate moment of contact between himself and an attractive person like usual.

Much affection lay underneath all of it, many feelings. The urge to hold Julian close and never let him go.

It was more than sex.

Unusual…

“I think… I’m in a sort of relationship…”

_Earlier I had thought it was inconvenient…_

A glance at his phone. _Maybe I should text him?_

Another glance at the book.

_Better off reading, better off doing anything else._

A firm grip on his book, he flipped anew to the page he had left it hours ago when trying to read.

“Patience is a virtue…”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nano, my friends, is why this is all coming out much faster. I'm waiting on new chapters now, so this is the last I have to translate for now. But it's been fun so far! :D

“Please wait. This will not take long.”

“Okay.”

Julian sighed heavily and shoved his hands in his pockets. Garak excused himself and went towards the cash register to get the tickets for the performance.

After the student saw Garak disappear into the long line of people, he glanced at a poster not far from him. Strange symbols, which he could identify as Romulan characters, blazed out at him.

When he had agreed days ago to go to the movies with his boyfriend, he should have known that it wouldn’t be a light-hearted film.

His gaze wandered over and then fixed onto the poster next to the other. Also in Romulan.

_But of course…._

Julian furrowed his brow. Unfortunately, it was just more of these foreign letters. _Hopefully we’re heading into the movie that has a shorter title…_ He apparently wasn’t feeling brave enough to go to the movies today. And even though his was with his partner, he couldn’t get in the right mood for it.

“Oh, excuse me.” Julian had been stepped on lightly from behind. A somewhat hefty Romulan shoved Julian to the side and grunted out again a sort of apology.

Julian realized in the nick of time that he shouldn’t say anything here. He nodded to the Romulan. _Idiot! The hallway was empty enough! Should really pay attention to where he was going…_

He went to the wall to give the muscular man more place to get by. He moved like he was anxious and clumsy. Less like a person, more like a stockily built animal, that with all of his power and mass couldn’t really move properly. It was a bit unsettling to see a Romulan that seemed more like a weight lifter than someone who favors sly political machinations. _None of which I said to him…_

Julian ruminated on his thoughts. How dangerous would a combination of the two be? A physically fit Romulan but also an eccentric genius… He shuddered for a second.

The bully looked at Julian attentively and bumped into another patron. _Less muscles, more brains, that would have made more sense for this guy…_ Julian grinned arrogantly.

The grim stare of the Romulan softened somewhat as he saw a young woman who approached him.

The student observed these events with interest. The young woman was hugged by the mountain of muscle, and almost disappeared entirely in the gesture. Their silhouettes melded together in front of the obnoxiously loud and colorful posters and it almost looked like a scene out of a romantic movie.

_Oh…_

Julian had to look closer. He recognized that the young woman wasn’t Romulan. It wasn’t easy for him to tell, but she was either Human or Trill.

It was unusual for a Romulan to choose partners from other ethnic groups. Most other people, to Romulans, were “underdeveloped”.

Everything related to modern technology was claimed to be discovered and created by Romulans. Mostly the claims were wild, exaggerated stories.

Recently, recalled Julian, there was an article in a medical journal where the Romulans spoke of developing a never-before-seen brain implant. But there wasn’t a more specific description or information that could support this claim. Only a five-page article, which in the end was merely blowing hot air and only served to show the superiority of Romulans.

The two, obviously in love, released each other from their hug and went to the registers.

An older Romulan woman nearby also noticed the young couple and murmured something. Julian couldn’t translate it, but he was sure from the tone of the old man’s voice that it was in strong protest to this.

“Yes, right, exactly. He shouldn’t be with someone like that. Not to mention the way he looks!” A middle-aged Romulan male came up next to the woman. Julian dug around in his bag in order to have a reason to sneak a look over at the two. He saw clear anger in their eyes. Maybe even… disgust?

The woman answered him in Romulan. Definitely louder this time.

Two other guests nearby turned to them, but said nothing. Julian pressed himself against the wall. He wanted to get some distance, but the conversation happening here was just way too interesting.

Not because he really enjoyed meddling in Romulan affairs. One should do that just as little as one should get involved in Klingon, Ferengi, or Breen matters.

But the bitter fact was that this topic of discussion was to intimate to him and thus he stayed there listening. For a while, no one said anything. He hoped that the situation would be cleared up, but then he heard the man darkly say, “He’s betraying his values. What he could possibly be thinking, doing this?”

The student bit his lip. He could have nearly heard the exact same sentence said about him and Garak. He had been with Garak now for over two months and happily so, even when the rest of the world couldn’t believe it.

His friends claimed they were neutral. Now and again, invitations for the both of them to hang out came only from the obligation of politeness. Jadzia had said to him, “Bring your boyfriend too.” Or something to that effect. Julian often just let it go. Everyone knew it just wasn’t possible for his boyfriend, a Cardassian, to integrate into the group. It hovered, like an unsaid law, above everyone. Invite him - yes. Him actually showing up - no.

It was, for all parties, for the best.

_Only… did it have to be that way?_

Julian sometimes needed hours to think about all of this, to drive it into his head. _Can I include Elim? Should I? UItimately, do I have to?_

Julian was also annoyed by all of the condescending advice that always accompanied the topic of Cardassians (the name of the race, however, was oftenly knowingly avoided). With few exceptions, many people warned him to avoid being in a relationship with a Cardassian.

At first, he could listen to them and just survive it as a sort of phase they were going through. Then there was the mysterious way, which fascinated him, that he was forced to be in this relationship. A week ago O’Brien had come to Julian and said, there are other great men, and he shouldn’t have to live such a failed life, just to feed his “helper complex”.

It was an uncomfortable situation for Julian.

_And it was really painful…_

He didn’t feel taken seriously. Didn’t they all see that he was really happy?

The woman hissed something else in her language. She took her partner’s hand and pulled him towards the exit, near Julian. For a second, his eyes met the eyes of the man.

_I am sure, my friends too,are also talking about me being my back…_ They probably all discussed their misunderstanding of the topic too.

“Well, you see, Julian, we don’t mean anything rude by it. I just want to say, there’s probably a better person for you to be with.” This, said by Miles, bothered Julian lately a little too much. It was also clear that his friends were more interested in his relationship now than before.

_They probably just need time to get used to it…_

“Lots of time…” mused Julian, lost in his thoughts.

The two lovebirds didn’t let themselves be disturbed by the stares anymore. Julian wondered how self-concious the woman must be, next to her Romulan boyfriend. It was almost an entirely Romulan audience here.

“Respect…”

“Oh, I hope I am not interrupting an exciting conversation that you’re having with yourself?”

_Had he been standing there for a while?_

He held the tickets out in front of Julian, who was lost in his thoughts. “Uhm…” Julian’s gaze went through the tickets and stayed on the young couple.

“Tell me, my love, what is more fascinating to you right now than a good Romulan film? Are you not happen to see _Aememn Thrai_?” The older man leaned against the wall to follow Julian’s gaze.

“Aermeeee what?”

“The title of the film, Julian. You should…”

Garak stopped his half-hearted lecture and saw what his boyfriend was looking at. “Oh.”

“Brave, isn’t it?”

“Well yes, the two are so young.”

He glanced next to Julian and observed him, up, down. “What they’re doing is already confusing and rebellious. They perhaps don’t know the scope of their actiosn.”

“I hope they do,” said Julian, defusing Garak’s allusion to his own situation. “Perhaps the Romulan Empire needs more brave, free-spirited citizens like them. And definitely not just the Romulans!”

Garak laughed. “Pay attention to what you say about the Empire here. Otherwise we’ll have to flee from this place,” Garak lightly chided Julian, but he was also clearly amused.

“I mean… I just…” whispered Julian to his partner.

“But well noticed, my friend.”

“On paper,” said Julian and looked again at the young couple, “that’s definitely allowed. Even in the Romulan tradition.”

“Those are just words, my love. As long as they can’t change the minds of others, they will have a hard time of it.”

Garak pushed himself away from the wall to enter Julian’s field of vision. “And that can take decades, if not more.”  

Julian swallowed hard. It was as if this timely message was like a heavy rock weighing on his chest and crushing his breath.

He only understood that he couldn’t wait for the time when people understood him, accepted him, or approved of what he did.

The insight tortured him - but simultaneously, it made things easier for him. No one was demanding that he successfully bring the two worlds together. Neither Garak nor his friends needed the other; they only, in between, needed him.

It didn’t make any sense to get together all of that energy when the time just wasn’t right to try to merge the two worlds together.

And honestly it was just good the way it was, right now.

Suddenly it made much sense, and with the pressing feelings came the realization, and then a deep breath.

“Julian?”

“You know, Elim, this evening is already far too complicated. I hope Areaamm Thi, or whatever, will be easier.”

“I cannot promise you anything,” said the Cardassian, smiling. “Would you rather go home and not to the movies tonight?”

Julian hesitated a brief moment to take this suggestion seriously into consideration. He however chose to go with this- “Ah, my dear Mr. Garak. You underestimate me.”

“Do I, Doctor Bashir?”

“Surely! You don’t know how much I am thrilled for Ahrmnes Thal,” he said sarcastically, and snatched the tickets out of Garak’s hand.

“I, uhm,” he tried to read the name of the lead actor right, “can hardly wait to see Amtor Ralaa in action.”

Garak rolled his eyes. “When did you get so impudent?”

Julian grinned and grabbed his boyfriend’s hand. Slowly they headed towards the movie theater.

“You know, I’m asking for a reward for all of this?” Julian looked expectantly at Garak. “After a hard day of classes, I’m going to be seeing… uhm..”

Garak raised his free hand. “Please Julian. Not another terribly ill-pronounced Romulan word. I beg of you.”

The younger man laughed lightly. “Okay, so, as said before, let it go! Before I start to read the Romulan newspaper to you.” Julian’s eyes twinked as he looked at his boyfriend. “I’m expecting something after this!”

 

 

***

 

Garak stroked Julian’s shoulder blades with his index finger. It actually wasn’t planned, that he would spend the night with Julian. But when this young man wanted something, he could be very convincing.

Thanks to the light of the street lamps outside of Julian’s window (they hadn’t gotten around to closing the curtains) Garak had the chance to look around the room. Julian’s clothes lay scattered across the space. A few textbooks were on the floor next to a writing pad.

_How did he manage to get his T-shirt somehow thrown on the chair…_

Julian’s bedroom wasn’t really ever clean, the random clothes thrown about just really rounded out the image. It was mostly because of Julian that Garak wanted to be in this place.

The Cardassian pondered for a moment.

No, it was really just Julian.

It was how a few hours ago, as they began to kiss, the clothes came off. It was how Julian sounded, his voice excited as he begged Garak to be inside of him, and then his relieved moans as Garak did so.

_We really got busy, didn’t we…?_

Garak sighed heavily. Even though he could only see the silhouette of Julian’s body in the darkness, it was alluring to him.

_I wish I could bring him out of sleep again…._

He traced the path from Julian’s neck to his backbone. As his hand brushed over Julian’s slender hips, Julian began to softly stir out of sleep.

The student’s eyes openly slowly due to the weight of sleep, and then felt the strong warmth on his back. “Elim?...”

Garak moved towards Julian and whispered in his ear, “It’s alright, go back to sleep. I just wanted to have you closer to me.”

“Ah, okay…” Julian pulled himself even closer to Garak. He pulled his pillow with him and smushed his face halfway into it.

It took a bit, but then Julian’s light, soft breathing began again and Garak knew that he had fallen asleep. He placed a few light kisses on Julian’s neck before he allowed himself to fall asleep.

 


End file.
